“Not yet. I think we want to wait a few more weeks before we do that.”

“Okay. Your secret’s safe with us, right, King?”

“Yup.” He makes a zipped lip gesture.

We talk for a few more minutes, until King reminds Queenie that she has another art therapy session soon.

It doesn’t escape my notice that when King says goodbye he doesn’t address me, and he refers to Hanna by her first name instead of “Momster.”

I get this is hard for him, but my biggest worry is that he’s going to inadvertently cause Hanna more stress and steal her joy. I don’t want to overstep, but I think he and I need to talk this out so I know where he’s coming from and we can work on figuring out our ever-changing relationship.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Stand by Me

Hanna

JAKE AND I spend the rest of the day organizing our schedules for the next few months. The plan is for him to fly here for ultrasounds and important doctor appointments, and for me to go to Seattle once a month, provided it remains safe for me to fly.

He mentions the possibility of one of us moving again and makes a case for me coming to Seattle. With Ryan there for the foreseeable future and his job being there, it would make sense to consider it. But I’m not ready yet to have this serious discussion. I’m still worried about the health of the baby, and I need to ensure his safety before I think about making major life changes.

I spend the week following Jake’s return to Seattle fretting over the upcoming family dinner on Sunday, which is when I plan to tell my parents that I’m pregnant. I skipped it last weekend and lied about why I couldn’t go since telling them I had company for the weekend would have resulted in questions I didn’t want to answer. I know my mom will support me, like she has the past two times, but she’s going to be worried about all the risks. And then there’s telling her who the father is. As if our family isn’t wonky enough.

On Sunday afternoon, I drive over to my parents’ place.

We’re having steak and baked potatoes on the barbecue. So far most of my cravings have been for fruit and chocolate. But I’ve always had a weak spot for chocolate, so I’m not sure if it’s a pregnancy craving so much as it’s my comfort food and my go-to when I’m stressed. Needless to say, I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate today.

Gerald is sitting in one of the Adirondack chairs, nursing a beer and tossing a Frisbee to Burton, my parents’ ancient golden retriever. “Hey, sis! How’s it going? Did you bring a pie? Is it cherry pie? I love cherry pie.”

I hold up the pie plate. “Sorry, Ger, it’s apple, do you think you’ll survive?”

“I have a feeling I’ll live through the disappointment since apple is my second favorite.” He grabs the Frisbee from Burton and tosses it again.

I take the plate straight into the house so neither Burton nor my brother gets any ideas. It’s happened before, with both of them.

My phone buzzes in my purse. I have messages from Jake wishing me luck. He actually offered to fly back down this weekend for moral support, but I told him it would probably be best for me to share the news on my own first. Explaining the complexities of my relationship with Jake to my parents, while he’s here, is a level of awkward no one needs.

I also have messages from my Seattle Girls—they’ve been incredibly supportive—even when they found out that Jake is my baby daddy. It’s a lot easier now that most of the people I would consider close to Jake and me know what’s going on. And in some ways, I question how different things would have been if I’d allowed us to be something more months ago. But I’d wanted to protect Ryan, which I’m beginning to realize is a bad habit that only seems to cause more conflict instead of less.

I have a message from Paxton sending me good vibes.

Even Ryan has messaged to wish me luck with a series of crossed finger emojis.

He knows what our mother is like. We love her, but she has a very strong opinion on everything.

“Hanna Banana! How’s my favorite daughter!” My dad pulls me in for a hug.

I’m his only daughter, hence he can call me his favorite. “I’m good, Dad. How are you? How’s your forever Saturday treating you?” My dad retired last year, and I think he’s busier now than when he was working full-time.

“Good. Good. Did I tell you I’m taking up stained glass? Your mother used to do it when you were young, so we have all the stuff lying around in the basement. I was cleaning it out and figured I’d give it a shot. See if I’m any good at it.”

“That sounds fun.” For a while, we all got stained glass lamps and night-light covers for our birthdays.

“It probably would be a lot more fun if your mother didn’t take over every single project I start, but I’m getting the hang of it.” He gives me a conspiratorial wink.

I laugh, but I know exactly what he’s talking about. My mother is an expert on basically everything and loves to be “helpful.” Usually, it means she elbows you out of the way and finishes what you started.

“Hanna! Oh good. You’re finally here. Can I get your help in the kitchen with the biscuits? I need you to cut in the butter for me,” Mom calls from the kitchen window.

“Sure, Mom. I’d be happy to.”

I leave my dad and my brother sitting in the backyard and set the pie onto the kitchen counter, far from the edge so Burton can’t knock it off, which has happened before. My mom comes behind me and wraps an apron around my waist. She makes a noise as she ties it into a bow.

“Thanks.” I don’t bother telling her I’m more than capable of tying my own apron. Part of my mother’s shtick is that she will forever be a mother. Being a mom was always what she wanted to do. And she was fully committed to that role when we were growing up.

“Have you been eating too many sweets lately, honey?” she asks in that tone that makes Gerald and me roll our eyes.

“Probably.” I just smile and start cutting the butter into the flour mixture.

“Did I tell you that Delores lost almost fifty pounds on some new diet where you only eat certain foods at certain times of the day? She looks amazing! And she started dating again. Did you know that the Walravens’ son divorced a couple of years ago? They’re having a birthday party next month. You should come and I can introduce you to him.”

“Aren’t the Walravens over eighty? Isn’t their son retirement age?”

“I think he’ll be in his mid-fifties this year. He’s got a great job. I believe he’s the VP of his company, which means he makes excellent money. If you two ended up together, you could consider early retirement.” She scoops the filling out of the potatoes and into a large glass bowl. She’s always been very traditional, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but we have different wants out of life.

“I like my job, Mom.” And I don’t think dating someone while I’m pregnant with another man’s baby will go over very well, with anyone, especially Jake.

“I know you do, honey. I just mean that it would be nice if you didn’t have to run a household all on your own. I’m glad you have your career. It was good for you to have the distraction after what happened with Gordon. You needed somewhere else to put your focus after all that heartbreak.” She pats my shoulder as she leans over it. “Make sure the dough is in pea-size bits before you start rolling it out. And only half an inch thick or they’ll be too doughy.” She tosses in a handful of cheese and chives. “I’m sure Ryan and Queenie will be announcing a baby soon, don’t you think?”