“Your depression?”

This is the first time that I have heard of it, but then again, I don't really know him very well.

“I get these spells. I know that you're not supposed to call it that anymore, maybe episodes? Anyway, it comes and goes. Every month or six weeks or so, I feel all the energy sort of drain away and it becomes really hard to do things.”

“Have you tried medication?”

“I don't think it's bad enough to require medication. Whenever I work out and eat right, I always feel better. So, I'm trying to get back into a good routine so that I can keep the momentum going through times when I feel like that.”

I nod my head, surprised by how open and frank he is about something that so many people are embarrassed about, especially men.

I'm about to ask him something else about it, but he gives me a brief kiss on the cheek and then says that he has to go jump in the shower.

When I hear the kettle beep, I go back into the kitchen and pour myself a cup of black tea. Then I come right out onto the porch and stare at the majestic mountains reaching up into the bright blue sky.

I have lived in Southern California for years, but it continues to surprise me with its beauty. Unlike the cliffs, the sand, and the towering palm trees by the beaches, the beauty of the desert is understated and yet opulent at the same time.

At sunset, the sky is painted with thick brush strokes of fuchsia and plum as the howls of the coyotes echo over the hills.

A bright yellow Monarch butterfly flies over to me and lands on the railing. She flaps her bright yellow wings over and over again as she cleans her feet and behind her head. A moment later she flies away, leaving the world a little bit more magical than it was before.

My phone vibrates.

Hey, you going to yoga class? It's starting in a few minutes, Shelby texts.

No, I can't.

Yes, you can. You're just being lazy. Just get your laptop, sign in, and let's do this.

I had completely forgotten about this class, which I signed up to do mainly because Shelby did.

I had no plans to go today, but it feels so good to be out here in the fresh air that I suddenly wonder, why the hell not?

I glance at the time and see that I only have a few minutes before it starts.

I rush into the kitchen, grab the first chair that I see, and pull out my laptop from my bag.

I set up on the porch, positioning myself to face the desert and pointing the webcam camera at the ground where I sit in the lotus position.

I don't have a yoga mat, but the wood is soft and smooth. It will do for today.

There are about eight other people in the Zoom class and we all chat before the instructor shows up. Shelby is in her apartment, dressed in her bright pink yoga outfit with matching pants and sports bra.

Her expensive teal colored yoga mat looks lavish and comfortable in comparison to my porch set-up.

Everyone wants to know where I am so I take the laptop around to show them the view.

“I'm just working on a story out here near Joshua Tree,” I say, trying to be as vague as possible.

“Are you staying in an Airbnb?” someone asks and luckily the instructor shows up before I have to officially lie.

The class is challenging and long. It lasts a full hour and since I haven't done yoga in a long time, I get bored.

We hold the poses for a long time, straining our muscles, and I get lost in all of the inhaling and exhaling.

But when the hour ends, I feel energized. I'm drenched in sweat and my muscles are tired, but my mind is clear.

Doing yoga outside is nothing like it is in the studio.

There is something so much more pleasant about it as well. Breathing in the fresh air, feeling the sun on my face.

“You looked good out here,” Liam says, walking out with a cup of coffee.

His hair is wet from the shower and he's cleanly shaven. He gives me a wink and I can't help but smile.

“I haven't done that in ages, but you inspired me.”

“I'm glad, it was quite a sight.”

My cheeks get flushed.

I whirl my head around and suddenly realize that my whole exercise session was completely visible from the bay window in the living room.

“You watched the whole thing?” I ask, cowering and folding into myself.

“Yes and it was beautiful.”

“I was like Tin Man out here,” I say in a self-deprecating way, only, I’m half joking.

“You're gorgeous,” he says, pulling me into his arms.

My heart skips a beat when I feel his skin touch mine.

“No, I wasn't,” I whisper and he puts his finger over my lips to stop the words.

“You are the most beautiful woman in the world,” he says, looking straight into my eyes.

I shake my head, furrowing my brows.

Suddenly, I get upset.

I turn away from him and wrap my hands firmly around my shoulders.

“What's wrong?” he asks.

“I don't want you to lie to me,” I say, looking away from him somewhere at the barn where I only see a little goat climb on top of a barrel.

“I'm not lying to you.”

“You are and I'm sick of it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Alex always lied to me. He always said that I was the most beautiful woman in the world and that he loved me to pieces and then…” I let my voice drop off.

I can't finish the sentence.

I came here not wanting to bring Alex and the memory of him with me, but somehow, he is everywhere that I am.

“I'm not Alex,” Liam says quietly.

“I know that, but it doesn't matter. I just don't want to hear anything like that. I don't want you to lie to me about anything. I don't want you to exaggerate. I only want to hear the truth.”

He takes a step away from me.

I know that there are things that we are not saying to each other.

I know that there's something going on and that he may have this other life that he doesn't want me to know about.

“I'm sorry,” I say after a moment. “It's just that certain things really trigger me.”

“I didn't mean to offend you and I'm sorry that you don't believe me, but you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

Again, my cheeks flush.

I don't know if he's making fun of me or is being cruel on purpose.

“I know that you may not see yourself the way that I see you but standing here with your oily hair tied up in that loose bun and with sweat dotting your forehead, without a smudge of makeup, you're the most beautiful woman that I've ever seen. I don't care that you don't believe me. I just want you to know how I feel and how I see you.”

His words take my breath away and my hands begin to shake.

I reach over to him and wrap my hands tightly around his neck. I press my body toward his and he presses just as hard against mine.

We hold each other for a long time.

I don't know much about this man. There is still so much more to learn, but in this moment, I feel like he's the only one in the world that really matters.

When I pull away from him to look into his eyes, he kneels down and kisses me.

This time it’s measured, apprehensive.

He's waiting to see if it's okay and it is.

I kiss him back hard, but he pulls away.