Later that afternoon, I review the pages of notes that I have written and organize them into an article.

Again, I write it in first person as it happened to me making myself the central character in the middle of the investigation. Since I have no plans to ever make this public or at least publish this exact version of it, I even put in information about what happened with my fiancé and how Liam and I really met.

It’s hard to explain why I write. There’s something compelling me to record the truth. It's so convoluted and only half uncovered.

Yet when I read through it on my computer, black text on white paper, I think that it starts to make a lot more sense.

Would you mind reading something for me? I text Shelby.

Sure.

This isn't really an article, but it's the story of what I’ve uncovered so far. I just want to get your input on how I should present it to Corrin. It's kind of convoluted with lots of twists and turns but obviously I can't publish it as it is.

I'm out right now, but just email it to me and I'll try to get to it tonight.

Shelby has always been a really good friend of mine and I trust her judgment. She'll know what parts of this I should present to Corrin and which parts I should keep to myself.

Clearly, I can't publish the whole thing. It's not advisable to sleep with your sources and is not advisable to lie about someone being on the record when they're not.

Not if you want to continue to hold onto your career and reputation.

30

Emma

Sending off the email, I feel like a weight is lifted off my shoulders. I take a shower, watch some TV, and then make the fatal mistake of checking my email again.

It's a message from my loan servicing company, Navient, and it says that my new monthly student loan repayment amount will be $1,500. I knew this was coming.

This is why I had applied to be a bartender for at least five different bars/restaurants, all to no response. Los Angeles is filled with actors and screenwriters who have a lot more experience making and serving drinks than I do.

Usually, when someone is not interested, they don't even bother to write back and that's exactly what happened to all of my job applications.

I don't know what to do. I owe an additional $1500 next month and I have absolutely no money to pay it with.

If I don't, then my loan will accrue more interest, going to default in a few months and ruin my credit.

The problem is that I'm not sure that an additional couple of months is going to be enough to get me out of this predicament.

I want to call Brooke or Lindsey to ask for their advice, but I already know what they're going to say. With Lindsey being pregnant, she doesn't really have any money of her own and her husband is just an associate at the law firm.

They bought an expensive house and have a baby on the way. I don't know for sure if they take any money from my parents, but I wouldn't be surprised either way.

My other sister Brooke? She works a number of freelancing jobs doing photography and writing blog content, probably making less than I do. I know for certain that she takes money from my parents so if I were to ask her for help, then it would still come directly from them.

I sit on the couch, hugging my knees and staring at the amount and the due date highlighted in red on my screen.

This is the thing that I have been working so hard to avoid. This is why I live in this seedy apartment instead of a nice, light, two bedroom down by the beach.

I've been doing everything in my power to survive out here on my own without borrowing money from them, and now… I still have to ask them.

I know that it won't be a big deal and they'll gladly give me the money, but my pride is still getting in the way. I really thought that I could handle this on my own.

I want to put this off until tomorrow, but if I do then I'll just spend the whole evening worrying about what I’m going to say.

So, I take a deep breath and dive right in.

My mom answers on the second ring. She asks me how I'm doing and I give her the highlights.

She doesn't bring up Alex and neither do I. We keep the conversation light and when it gets a little low, I clear my throat and tell her what's going on.

“I had an interest-only repayment program set up on my loans, but it's now going to the full amount. I was doing alright making the $400 a month payment, even though it was a little tight on my salary, but now that it's jumping up to $1,500, I just don't think I can do it.”

“Interest-only repayments are worthless,” Mom says. “You're not really making a dent in the principal.”

“Of course. I know that, but that's all the money that I had the past year. Writing for this magazine isn't exactly making me rich.”

“I know,” Mom says. “That's why I'm encouraging Brooke to create her own content just like she's doing now. It's the only way you're going to get ahead being a writer, if that's what you still want to do.”

“You know that it is.”

“Emma, why exactly are you telling me all this?”

She's pushing me to ask for the money directly.

I know that she's not doing this to get satisfaction but to puncture a hole in my balloon of pride.

“I need your help,” I say frankly. “I can't make these payments. I was wondering if you could pay them and I could pay you back?”

“Yes, of course,” Mom says after a long pause.

A wave of relief rushes over me.

“You send me the login info and I'll take care of all the payments.”

“I'll pay you back, I promise.”

“I know that you want to, but I'm your mother and I don't expect you to. I do expect you to go out there and make the money that you so rightly deserve with your writing.”

“What do you mean?” I ask. “That's all that the magazine will pay. I can't really ask them for a raise.”

“That's not what I'm talking about. Content creators nowadays make a lot of money. You're in charge of your brand. Your audience. Your readers will find you. It's a thankless job at first, but you won't regret it. In addition to writing for that magazine, I want you to consider raising your profile as a writer, like getting stuff published on medium, on your website, or maybe working on a book.” Mom speaks so matter-of-factly and knowledgeably about this that it completely throws me off.

“I've always thought that you wanted me to go to law school,” I say.

“No, honey. You're getting confused with your father. I wanted you to marry well and be well taken care of emotionally, romantically, and physically. Since you don't think that Alex is the man for you, then I want you to focus on your career and work on building your brand so that one of these days you get paid the money that you deserve for your work.”

“What is that exactly?” I ask.

“Millions,” she says, taking my breath away.

31

Emma

Liam calls me again and again. He leaves messages.

I don't reply. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to hear more lies.

Slowly, my curiosity starts to get the better of me. I have so many questions and he's the only one who can answer them.