“It's a name that I made up.”

“Why?”

“I usually use the name on my ID because Alex already knew my first name. You didn't know my last name so I figured I'd use a pseudonym.”

“Why?”

When he takes a deep breath, our eyes meet again.

He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his.

I'm about to pull away, but he grabs on tightly.

“I'm going to tell you something, but if you were to reveal this to anyone then my life would be in danger. It's as simple as that.”

“Okay,” I say slowly.

“You promise that you won't?”

“Yes,” I say after a moment. “I promise.”

“In addition to running a chain of nursing homes, my uncle is one of the biggest organized crime bosses in the Pacific Northwest. The nursing home business was a front for a lot of illegal dealings. When I testified against him, he put out a hit on me. The cops kept me in protective custody while I testified, but after that I was on my own. They set me up with a new identification and in a quasi-witness protection program. That's why I live here now. That's why I use a different name now. That's why you can't tell anyone about this.”

32

Emma

I don't know what to do with what he’s just said. I ask him to explain and he basically repeats himself without offering too much additional information.

He's hesitant and unsure.

Yet I feel like he's telling the truth.

We shared a few moments and I thought that we had a connection, but that's not a good enough reason for him to tell me something this private.

Yet here it is.

I excuse myself to go to the bathroom and take my phone with me. I stare at my reflection in the mirror, trying to decide what to do. I had already promised him that I'm not going to write this in the article and I am going to abide by that promise.

I have other questions, of course, but for now I feel thankful that he trusted me with this information.

After I use the bathroom, my phone rings. I'm tempted to let it go to voice mail, but it's Shelby and I realize that I had sent her the draft of my notes.

“Your article is brilliant,” she gushes as soon as I answer.

“Really?”

“Yes, I can't believe how good it is. You found out so much and it's so intriguing. I love the way that you are part of the story and we as the readers just get to go on this journey with you. I just know that everyone's going to love it.”

“No,” I say, shaking my head.

Blood drains away from my face and the tips of my fingers turn cold.

“What do you mean no?”

“This isn’t an article. I just did the research and wrote what I found, but I'm not going to publish it.” My mouth goes dry and it feels like it's stuffed full of cotton balls.

“Of course, you are,” she says, laughing, taking my comments as a joke. “You should really send it to Corrin. She's going to love it.”

“No, no, absolutely not,” I say in a rushed voice. “Shelby, you have to promise me that you're not going to send it to her.”

“What are you talking about? This is the best stuff that you've ever written.”

“I found out something else,” I say.

I shouldn’t tell her this, but I have to explain something.

“What? What did you find?”

Suddenly, I need to backtrack.

I can't tell her that I'm here having lunch with him. I need to keep this conversation private.

I also have to show her exactly how serious I am about none of this coming to light.

“I was just thinking… What if Liam is in trouble? What if he had to change his name after he testified against his uncle?”

“Hello… Wow! I never thought of it that way. Of course!”

“Listen, just promise me that you're not going to tell Corrin anything about this until I have more things worked out. I still have no idea where the story is going.”

“I thought that you said that you didn't want this published it all?” Shelby asks.

She caught me in a lie. I'm not thinking clearly.

I'm trying to cover up for what I had already exposed and it feels a lot like trying to put the spilled milk back into its container.

“Okay, tell me this, what’s he like? In bed, I mean,” Shelby whispers.

This question catches me by surprise. How does she know?

Oh, yes, course.

In the notes in the draft of the article, I had mentioned that our relationship got personal. I didn't go into any details, but now I wish that I hadn't mentioned it at all.

“Listen, Shelby, I should have never sent this to you. I was just putting my thoughts together about everything that I found and–”

“I'm so glad that you did. You don't realize how good the story is. I mean, you found out so much. You just need to connect a few more dots and there you go.”

I take a deep breath.

She's clearly not getting it.

“Listen, you can't send this to anyone and you can't tell anyone about this. It's a draft. It is just some ideas. It’s just some research and I found out some stuff, but I don't want to get anyone in trouble.”

“You’re a journalist, Emma,” Shelby says in a more serious tone of voice. “Your job is to expose corruption and lies and to bring things to the surface that people want to cover up.”

I look down and press my index finger into the fleshy part of my thumb.

She fully understands what I'm saying but is not listening to me. I should be more stern with her perhaps, but I also don't want to push her and make her send the email to Corrin despite this.

I need her on my side.

I need to convince her that the story is nothing even though it's already everything.

“Look, Emma. I know that you don't want to come off as unprofessional. Maybe you shouldn’t have slept with Liam, but that's how life is. Your readers? They'll appreciate your honesty. So, what if you slept with him? That's just what makes the story that much more real.”

While she talks, I spot an angle.

“Things with Alex and me are still very complicated, Shelby. I know that he lied to me and cheated, but I can't have him finding out about Liam. I sent you this research just for you to read. Not for you to pass it on. Do you understand?”

This seems to convince her.

“You really should not get together with Alex again,” she says quietly.

“I'm not,” I say, “but everything happened very quickly. I have made a mistake sleeping with Liam. It should have never happened. I'm going to work more on the story and do more research to find out everything. For now, can you just promise to keep it between us?”

I hold my breath and wait for her answer.

Finally, she agrees.

33

Liam

I don't think that I should've told her what I told her, but she was finally willing to meet with me and I couldn’t stop myself. Emma and I don't know each other very well and things in our lives are very complicated, but the connection that we made was real.