That’s what she deserved.

I allowed her to wake. I couldn’t let her wake, but Cross was loving me. He was reminding me, and he was pushing her back down. Every touch of his worked. Every kiss. Every caress. Every thrust of his fingers, and then I growled. I wanted him. Only him.

I grabbed for his boxers and I pushed at them, shoving them down, and he moved, lifting until they were gone. He reared up, his eyes dilated from his own need. My clothes were hauled off and then he was back. He was poised, and he slid inside, and we both gasped from the connection.

He and I. Cross and Bren.

All I needed. All I wanted.

And then, his hands cupping under my ass, lifting me for him, he began to move.

The first time was rough, almost desperate.

The second time was slow, loving. Cross worshiped every inch of my body, taking me with his mouth first, and then moving inside of me after.

We heard footsteps outside during our third time, but we didn’t pause.

My alarm went off just as I was exploding, and Cross growled, hauling us both out of bed. He carried me, my legs around him, into the shower, and then he went to his knees for a fourth time for me. I tried reaching for him when he spun me around, pressing me into the shower tiles, but he knocked my hand aside.

I was lifted, poised, and he slid inside again.

We were both gasping as the water poured down on us, and afterwards, I couldn’t stand.

Cross eased me back down, but my legs gave up.

He caught me, holding me against the wall as he washed me. My hair. My body. He covered me with tender kisses, and when we were both cleaned, he carried me to the counter in the bathroom.

I was dried.

He wrapped a towel around my hair.

When he was done, he stepped back, his hands on both sides of me at the counter. A small, teasing smile lurked over his mouth. “You want me to dress you, too?”

I reached for him, everything in me feeling boneless, but content. Hella content. I was almost purring by now. I grabbed for his neck, but Cross waited for my response.

I shook my head. “But you can pull some clothes out and put them on the bed for me?”

He nodded, his eyes shuddering closed. He bent, one more kiss, and whispered against them, “I love you.”

I drank that in, inhaling him and his touch. “I love you, too.”

He pressed another kiss to the corner of my mouth before straightening, walking naked back out to the bedroom.

It was after I had dressed and was ready to head for Coug r Lanes that I realized the full effects of what Cross had done. He erased every moment of last night for me. There was no more darkness in me. He pushed it out, bringing in his love, his care, and with it was his goodness.

I went to work, going after the bad guys, and the old Bren was so far down, I didn’t feel her at all.

CROSS

Bren took off for work and I headed to the kitchen.

I should’ve been tired, but after the last couple hours with Bren, I was jazzed. Hyped. The adrenaline would leave me this afternoon. I knew I’d be drained, but before then, I just had a couple of classes to hit up. Smelling the coffee had already been brewed, I was surprised to see Jordan at the table. A cup in hand, resting on the table. A plate with toast and two eggs untouched in front of him.

“You’re not going to class?”

He’d been staring outside but swung his head my way with effort. He grimaced, heavy bags under his eyes. His hair was also messed up. He looked like shit.

He shook his head. “It’s a skip day for me.”

I poured myself some coffee and went to sit in a chair across from him. “Z went in?”

He nodded, not saying a word.

He went back to staring out the window and I reached over, sliding his plate in front of me. I eyed his fork, but I didn’t need it. The eggs were piled on the toast, and I made a nice egg sandwich. They’d been fried, too. Damn fucking good.

He looked back, his eyes unfocused. “How’s Bren doing?”

Swallowing, I wiped my mouth and sat back. “She’s fine. Woke up hard, but she walked out of here easy.” I wasn’t explaining any more than that, so I was hoping he was getting what I was saying. I wasn’t about to tell him I fucked the bad out of her, because that’s, in essence, what I did. The nice words would’ve said more like I loved out the cold or some shit like that, but after this morning and last night, I wasn’t in a big sharing mood.

He nodded, rubbing at his jaw. He needed a shave. I was betting he wasn’t going to get to that today.

He murmured, distracted, “That’s good. I was worried about her last night.”

“You and Tab talk last night when you took her home?”

He shook his head, that unfocused look just increasing as he looked outside once more. “I don’t have a clue what to say.”

I frowned, lowering the sandwich back to my plate.

I tried to put myself in his place.

If Bren had done that? Cheated on me to end things so she could force herself to touch another guy to help save her mom? I couldn’t. Bren would never do that. She’d knife the guy, opting to go to prison instead. That was more Bren. Whoring herself? That wasn’t Bren, but if she’d been in a position where she had to do that?

I felt filleted right then and there. A knife taken to my stomach, one deep clean line from left to right and all my insides were spilling out. Add to that sensation a shit ton of murderous urges—gutting the guy wouldn’t have cut it. Nothing would take that poison out of me. Cancer. That’s exactly what Jordan has inside of him now.

I got it. I did. I see why Bren moved on the guy. If she hadn’t, Jordan would’ve killed him.

I grimaced, just remembering last night and seeing the unhinged plea in her eyes as she took in what was about to happen.

“Bren went dark last night.”

He swung his head back, blinking at seeing me, as if he forgot I was there.

I didn’t scowl. I didn’t glare. Or frown. None of that, but I said, clearly so he understood, what I was saying, “Don’t make that worthless.”

His face shuttered, and he actually flinched. “Never. I know what she did, but me and Tab. There’s nothing that can be said or done to erase it. Not that, not what she did. I want to kill the guy, feel his blood on my hands, but B did that for me. She did it because she knew she could stop when I wouldn’t have been able to until he was finished. I know what she did. I know we have to watch her, make sure she doesn’t slip back again.”

“Bren’s good. I got her.” I leaned forward, lowering my face, but making sure he was still looking me straight in the eyes. “You figure out what you need. I mean that. Do that for Bren. That’s why she did what she did last night. Any of us, I don’t think any of us would’ve stopped. She did that not just for you or for Tab, but for all of us.”

He nodded. “I know.”

We sat there in silence.

I finished the sandwich. He held his mug, not even drinking his coffee.

I didn’t know the hell he was locked in right now. Jordan wasn’t sharing, but I’d never seen Jordan like this.

“I love her,” he grated out. “Loved her. I don’t know if I love her anymore. I’m a piece of shit for that, aren’t I? I should love her. Right? I should want to touch her, hold her, tell her everything will be all right, but… I can’t, man. She went to him. Him. She let him touch her. She didn’t give me the option of figuring this shit out.”

“She felt like she was between a rock and a hard place.”

“Is that on us?”

His wall fell, and the anguish looking back in my direction was burned inside of me. I’d never forget it. I’d never share it either. Zellman and Bren would never hear about this. They shouldn’t carry that either.

His words rasped out, “Bren went at her last year. Me too. I was right there. Crew or non-crew. Tab wasn’t crew, but I fell for her. Then she ratted, or was going to rat, and why do I feel dirty? I shouldn’t feel dirty. Jesus. He did that to the girl I love, loved? I’m a dick of epic proportions. I should go to her, hug her, make her feel better. I should do what you did for Bren, because I know that’s what you did. You did what you had to do so she could walk out of here without fifty fucking anchors pulling her down. I heard her. She sounded good. I know you did that. Old Bren, not a chance. She’d be halfway gone from us. We’d lose her, but we ain’t. You fix her. I should fix Tab…but I’m not. I’m here, not there, and I’m the one feeling dirty.”

“You’re not feeling that. That’s her. You love her. You take on what you love, and you love her. You’re feeling what she’s feeling.”

“You think so?”

But he was barely moving. A statue. The fifty fucking anchors he put on Bren was what he was feeling. He was being held down, and I was sure. “Your sister’s in your head, and now Tab, too. You’re feeling what they felt, what Tab is feeling. I’d bet anything on that.”

He nodded, his shoulders falling. “Maybe.”

Another minute we sat there. Silence.

And then from him, “Then why can’t I make myself get up and go to her? I can’t bring myself to do it, and I’m ashamed of that. That’s not a man. That’s a coward. I’m a coward, Cross.”