“. . . Lil’ Mac? You listening?”

Terrence’s voice broke into my thoughts.

“Hmm? Sorry, yeah, totally listening.”

His expression drooped and it took me a minute to piece together that he had asked if I thought Janet would ever wake up again. Oh man, what an insensitive time to space out.

Luckily, Nettie swooped in at that moment to save the day. “How is everything?”

“Just as delicious as I remembered! Now that I’m back in town, expect to see me here all the time.”

“It really has been like old home week lately. Although with Derek . . .” She shook her head and exchanged a look with Terrence. “I cannot believe the stunt that boy pulled. I thought Big George was going to knock his block off.”

I gasped. Big George Bishop wouldn’t hurt a fly. For him to almost turn to violence . . .

“What happened?”

She frowned. “He started coming round again a month or two ago. We were so happy to see him at first. It’d been awhile and even though we heard about what he was doing with those other restaurants, we never dreamed he’d do that to us. He was like family! But nobody lets you down like family, I guess.”

Ain’t that the truth. “Let me guess, he wrote nasty reviews about your food and sicced the health inspector on you?”

She nodded, eyes widening. “How’d you know about that? He wanted us to hire a specific contractor to fix the problems, or he’d shut us down. But my brother does all our repairs, so I told him we’d pay the fine but hire our own workers. He did not like that, I can tell you.”

Seemed like every restaurant owner on that list had the same story. So Derek had a hustle going with the health inspector, but was that enough to kill him? If they couldn’t afford those fees and were forced to shut down, maybe. You take away a person’s livelihood, and in some cases their life’s work, there’s no telling what they’d do.

I looked around the shop, trying to spot Big George. “Where is Big George, anyway? I wanted to say hi to him, too.”

Nettie cleared her throat. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, honey. This whole mess with Derek really hurt Big George and he’s still sensitive about it.”

“But . . . what does that have to do with me? Why wouldn’t he want to see me?”

“For better or worse, you and Derek were always a pair in our minds. Big George made the mistake of asking him about you, and we think that’s what set Derek off. Plus now with his death . . . just too many sad memories.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “I hope you understand, sweetie. We know you had nothing to do with it. And as mad as we were, we wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I was hoping we could fix things between us. But now it’s too late.”

She shook her head. “Make sure you fix things when you can. Sometimes you don’t get another chance.”

* * *

? ? ?

After Nettie left, Terrence and I silently finished the last of our meal. She seemed to have given us both a lot to think about.

Finally, Terrence cleared his throat. “Speaking of old home week, where’s Adeena? I know she hated Derek, but I thought she’d at least go to the wake with you.”

I fiddled with the untouched bread on my plate. Why did barbecue joints always include that slice of cheap white bread? “She’s not talking to me at the moment.”

“Oh. Sorry about that. It’s none of my business, but is there anything I can do?”

“Doubt it. I think she finally realized Amir and I have a thing for each other.”

Terrence choked on his sweet tea. “You serious? Just now she’s realizing this? You two have been making eyes at each other since what, freshman year? Derek was so sure you were seeing him behind his back. Part of the reason he picked that fight with you when you broke up.”

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “Were we really so obvious? I’ve been fighting this for years, Terrence. Years. You know Adeena has a weird complex when it comes to her brother.”

Terrence stole a fry off my plate. “Yeah, but I figured since you were her best friend, she’d be happy for the two of you. You know, a girl who’s finally good enough for Mr. Perfect?”

I swiped a hush puppy in retaliation. Whoa, Terrence was right. The fries were a mistake. “You’ve met Adeena. You’ve seen how she reacts when a girl even mentions that Amir’s cute. It’s never going to happen.”

He frowned. “Even though you and Amir clearly care about each other?”

“It’s not just the Amir thing. I mean, she’s definitely not happy about it, but it goes way deeper than that.” I rearranged the silverware, lining it up carefully on the paper napkin. “She’s been dropping major hints that she wants us to open up a place together here in Shady Palms. At first I thought she was joking, but it’s become obvious that this is something she’s serious about. And I’m not.”

“Still not ready to settle down in Shady Palms?”

“I don’t know that I belong here, Terrence. I know I got people here, but there’s a whole world out there, and Shady Palms just stays the same. There’s got to be more than this. I thought Adeena felt the same, but I guess not.”

“You ever think the reason Shady Palms stays the same is ’cause that’s how you picture it in your mind? You haven’t actually been here in years, how would you know what we’re about now?” He shook his head. “You ever bother asking Adeena why she feels this way? Why the sudden change?”

Now it was my turn to shake my head.

“So then why are you telling me all this instead of her?”

He was right. As usual. Terrence had always been the voice of reason back in high school. The calm and steady good influence that the rest of us never listened to. Yet he was kind enough to never rub it in our faces that he was right.

Maybe it was time for me to start listening to him. And to the advice that Nettie had given us, to make things right when you had the chance. I just had one more stop to make before I did.

Chapter Thirty-five

After catching up with Terrence, I felt the overwhelming urge to talk to Derek’s mom. Before I could make up with Adeena, I needed to put the past to rest. At the wake, I was too much of a coward to really deal with her pain, but hearing about the way Derek had changed—and reminiscing with Terrence about who he used to be—made me realize I needed to hear his mom’s side. Maybe together we could figure out where it had all gone wrong.

Besides, I still didn’t know if Adeena would talk to me and I didn’t want to get iced in front of a crowd at Java Jo’s. Needed to kill time till she got off work.

I pulled up in front of the Longs’ house, which used to be the Winters’ house. I’d spent quite a bit of my youth there. After finding out what Derek was doing to my family, I’d pushed away the memories we’d shared and the feelings that had started to crop up once again. But now, faced with the reality of the house that had once been a second home for me, I couldn’t run away from them.

I hadn’t been there since we broke up my senior year. It was such a typical small-town breakup. I wanted to go to Chicago for school. He wanted me to stay in Shady Palms, where we’d get married, have kids, and live blandly ever after. At the time, staying in Shady Palms for the rest of my life had felt like death. So I left him behind. Him and everyone else I cared about. Selfish? Maybe. But it got to the point where I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Where I started having panic attacks when I thought about my future here. Why was it selfish to try to save myself?

Even now, the thought of staying here forever felt like a hand squeezing me tighter and tighter—this phantom hand molding me into the shape everyone else wanted me to be.

Why couldn’t Adeena understand that?

I mentally shook myself. Sitting in the car staring at the house wasn’t going to solve anything. Also, it was super creepy. I was lucky no nosy neighbor had called the cops on me yet. Most people in this town had the cops on speed dial, as if the police department were customer service meant to deal with their every complaint.

I reached back to grab the box of ube crinkles that I’d picked up from the house before driving over. I remembered Mrs. Long sharing my love of ube, and my aunt had raised me better than to arrive at someone’s house empty-handed. I marched up the steps and rang the doorbell, eager to get this over with. I heard the clanging of the bell within the house, but nobody answered. I rang it again. And again. Nothing.

I was about to ring one last time before realizing my blunder. Everyone was probably still at the wake. How could I forget they usually went all day? To be fair, it’d been awhile since someone I’d known had died, but still.