As Good As Dead Page 96
‘Oh, um, early I think,’ Pip said, shaking her head, bringing herself back. ‘Probably leave by ten.’
She didn’t know how to do it, how to say it, how to even begin. There weren’t words for this, a pain that hummed through every part of her, stuck through her chest as her ribs caved in around it. Cracking bones and blood-wet hands, and a hurt that was worse than all of that.
‘Cool,’ Ravi said. ‘I’ll come round before, help your dad load up the car.’
Pip’s lip threatened to go, her throat tightening, cutting her off. Ravi didn’t see, picking their way through the woods, off the path. Exploring, he’d said, the two of them, Team Ravi and Pip, off in the wild.
‘When should I come visit?’ he said, ducking under a branch, holding it up for her without looking back. ‘Originally it was meant to be next weekend, so what about the weekend after? We could go out for dinner or something.’
She couldn’t, she couldn’t do it. And she couldn’t take another step after him.
Her eyes spilled over, fast and hard, a knot in her chest that would never go.
‘Ravi,’ she said quietly.
He heard it in her voice. He whipped around, his eyes wide, eyebrows lowered.
‘Hey, hey,’ he came back, sliding his hands up her arms. ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’ He pulled her into him, wrapped her in his arms, one hand to the back of her head, holding her to his chest.
‘No.’ Pip twisted away, stepping back from him, and her body felt like it was peeling away from her, back to him, choosing him over her. ‘Ravi, it’s... You can’t come tomorrow morning to help load up the car. You can’t come visit me in Cambridge. You can’t, we can’t...’ Her voice cracked, broken in half by the shudder in her chest.
‘Pip, what are you –’
‘This is the last time,’ she said. ‘This is the last time we can see each other.’
The wind played through the trees, blowing her hair across her face, strands sticking to the tears.
The light was gone from Ravi’s eyes, now darkened by fear.
‘What are you talking about? No, it’s not,’ he said, his voice growing, fighting the whistling of the trees.
‘It’s the only way,’ Pip said. ‘The only way to keep you safe from me.’
‘I don’t need to be safe from you,’ he said. ‘It’s over. We did it. Max has been charged. We’re free.’
‘We aren’t,’ she cried. ‘Hawkins knows, or he suspects. What he said to me outside the station. The idea is there, in his head.’
‘So?’ Ravi said, angry now. ‘It doesn’t matter. They’ve charged Max; they have all the evidence. There’s none against you. Hawkins can think whatever he wants, it doesn’t matter.’
‘It does.’
‘Why?’ he shouted, voice desperate and clawing. ‘Why does it matter?’
‘Because,’ Pip’s voice picked up too, thick with the tears. ‘Because it isn’t over. We didn’t think it through all the way to the very end. There has to be a trial first, Ravi. A jury of twelve peers has to find Max guilty beyond reasonable doubt. And if they do, then it will be over, truly over, and we’ll be free. Hawkins won’t have a reason to keep looking. It’s near impossible to overturn a conviction once it’s made, just look at the statistics, at Billy Karras. That’s when we’re free.’
‘Yes, and that’s going to happen,’ he said.
‘We can’t know that,’ she sniffed, wiped her face on her sleeve. ‘He’s got away with it once before. And what if the jury find him not guilty, what happens then? The case returns to the police to be re-investigated. They have to have a killer. And who do you think will be the very first person DI Hawkins looks into if Max is found to be innocent? It will be me, Ravi, he’ll come for me, and everyone who helped me. Because that’s the truth and that’s his job.’
‘No,’ Ravi shouted.
‘Yes.’ Pip’s breath stuttered. ‘If the trial doesn’t go the right way, I’m going down. And I’m not having you go down with me, or any of the others.’
‘That’s not your choice!’ he said, his voice catching, eyes glazing.
‘Yes, it is. You went to Hawkins about the headphones, which ties you into everything. But I know how to get you out.’
‘No, Pip, I’m not listening.’ He dropped his eyes.
‘If the verdict is not guilty, if the police ever come back to talk to you about it, you tell them I made you do it.’
‘No.’
‘Under duress. I threatened you. I made you take the fall for the headphones to save me. You suspected what I’d done to Jason. You were scared for your life.’
‘No, Pip. Stop talking!’
‘You did it under duress, Ravi,’ she pleaded. ‘That’s the phrase you have to use. Under duress. You were afraid for your life if you didn’t do what I said.’
‘No! No one will believe that!’
‘Make them!’ she shouted back. ‘You have to make them believe it.’
‘No.’ Tears overran his eyes, catching at the crack in his lips. ‘I don’t want to. I don’t want this.’
‘You tell them we haven’t had any contact since I left for Cambridge. It will be the truth. You got away from me. We haven’t spoken, haven’t seen each other, no communication. But you were still scared what would happen if you told the police the truth. What I would do to you.’
‘Shut up, Pip. Stop it,’ he cried, cupping his hands over his face.
‘We can’t see each other. We can’t have any contact at all, otherwise the duress angle won’t work – the police will check our phone records. You’re afraid of me, that’s what it has to look like. So we can’t be together any more,’ she said, and the thing stuck through her chest cracked open, a thousand cuts.
‘No,’ Ravi sobbed into his hands. ‘No, this can’t be it. There must be something we can...’ His hands dropped to his sides, a glint of hope in his eyes. ‘We can get married.’
‘What?’
‘We can get married,’ he said, taking a shuddering sniff and a step towards her. ‘Spousal privilege. We can’t be made to give evidence against each other if we are co-accused. We could get married.’
‘No.’
‘We can,’ he said, the hope growing in his eyes. ‘We could do that.’
‘No.’
‘Why not?!’ he said, the desperation back in his voice, the hope gone in a blink.
‘Because you didn’t kill a man, Ravi. I did!’ Pip took his hand, slid her fingers through his in the way they used to belong, gripping tight. ‘That won’t save you from this, that just ties you to me and whatever happens to me. If it gets to that point, they might not need our testimony to put us both away. That is unacceptable. Do you think Sal would want this for you? Do you think he’d want everyone to think you’d played a part in killing someone, just like they thought of him?’
‘Stop it,’ he said, squeezing her hand too hard. ‘Stop trying to make me –’