And Mayra? Mayra was a manipulative bitch.

It felt strangely convenient that the only memory I’d blocked out of my mind was the one of what Darren had done to me. Sure, he’d forced me to drink until I’d passed out, but that couldn’t have guaranteed a memory loss. That’s where Mayra fit in, strolling into the picture mere weeks after Darren had raped me. She’d manipulated my reality, working relentlessly toward making me forget.

But now that I remembered, I was going to fight tooth and nail to rebuild my life.

This week, I’d walked into Book-ish, a local bookstore, and asked for a job interview.

“We aren’t hiring,” the dorky teenage girl behind the counter said flatly, her eyes stuck on the Marie Claire magazine she was flipping absently. I told her I was not leaving until I spoke with the owner. An older woman came out of the back room after a few minutes.

“You need to give me a job, and here is why.”

I’d told her my story. Openly, candidly.

I’d shown her my tattoo, so she knew I wasn’t just a poser. Books were my friends, my allies, my voice. They were my weapon of choice in the war which I survived.

I got the job.

It felt good being employed again. And it felt even better to have gotten the job completely on my own. Darren had left me enough money to sustain myself and the next twenty generations, but I wasn’t going to touch a dime of it. I fantasized about donating it to women’s shelters and other good causes, but in practice, I was too sick to my stomach to think about it yet.

After I got hired, I went to Mrs. Belfort’s to say goodbye. She was boarding a plane the same afternoon with Kacey. Ryan was staying in town to deal with the paperwork. We hugged, and cried, and I wondered what had taken me so long to take the initiative and help her. Help myself. But it was always there, plain and simple.

I wasn’t alive before Bane came along.

Now I was present. I was feeling. My heart was an animal, caged and suppressed and angry. It was hungry. Restless. Out for blood. And I was going to feed it, because new Jesse died. Her quiet, submissive corpse was left on the cool sand of the beach the evening I’d had the flashback.

I realized that I wasn’t old Jesse just then. I was an even newer version, a stronger version, a version that was not to be messed with. She would make everyone pay. Everyone.

After visiting Mrs. B, the last thing I did while in El Dorado was knock on Wren’s door. Her parents lived in a James Bond-esque compound on a hilltop. I knocked on her door and sported my best innocent smile. She answered, immediately scrunching her nose up in distaste when I came into view. She was wearing a sports bra and yoga pants. A Cardi B song was blasting from the home entertainment system behind her.

“What do you want?” She put her hands on her hips, looking down.

Last time I’d seen Wren, Bane had nearly killed her friends. The less than enthusiastic greeting wasn’t surprising.

“To apologize,” I said and batted my eyelashes, laying it on thicker than her makeup. “About the night at the track. I guess you’ve heard about my dad…” I referred to Darren as my dad, even though the only title he had truly earned in his life was that of a cunning rapist. But I had a plan.

Wren’s eyes skimmed the length of me, her eyebrows finally relaxing, a look of sympathy washing over her expression.

“Yeah. I heard. Sorry.” Her shoulders slacked.

“It’s okay. It’s been pretty crazy lately. I guess what I wanted to say was that I’m sorry about what happened with you, Henry, and Nolan. I overreacted.” Each word was like a knife in my mouth.

Wren flipped her long, blonde ponytail and rolled her eyes. “It happens.”

“And I also wanted to give you this. I know that it’s your twentieth birthday in a second.” I handed her a wrapped gift. It was nothing special. The same strong, flowery, nauseating perfume I remembered she liked from when we used to go to school together. The next part was tricky, but I knew I could pull it off.

“Aw, thank you.” She took the gift, but still didn’t invite me in. “Yeah, I mean, it’s kind of a big deal.”

“Think about it. You’re entering your twenties. That’s huge.” I leaned my hip against her doorframe, engaging her in an easy chitchat. We used to do this a lot, Wren and I, back when I’d dated Emery. I’d never really felt the connection with her, but I’d tried hard for my boyfriend. Emery only ever hung out with the popular kids, and Wren had been the perfect queen bee everyone loved to secretly hate.

“Oh. I should do something, shouldn’t I?”

I widened my eyes. “You mean, you don’t even have a party planned? Wren, it’s the middle of the summer! Everyone is on a break. You have to do something.”

She munched on her lip. “I’m going to a community college in San Diego. Everyone there is meh. All our friends are in real colleges.”

Your friends, not mine.

“Invite them over, then.” I did a half-shrug. My heart beat so fast, I was afraid it’d crack. I wanted to lure them back into town, but knew that they weren’t stupid. What they were was smug, and I was counting on them seeing me as helpless and vulnerable. Being newly orphaned worked in my favor.

Wren tapped her chin, her acrylic, candy-apple red fingernails sparkling under the sun. “They said they were going to hang out in New York this summer.”

“Aw, New York.” I rolled my eyes, acting like them. Like her. “Home is the best place to be during summer vacation. Especially when it includes Tobago Beach and your family and friends.”

“You mean, you won’t mind if they come to town?” Wren shot me another suspicious look. My guess was Nolan, Henry, and Emery didn’t want to rock the boat the minute they realized Bane was in the picture. Even in high school, we’d all known who he was, and nobody was stupid enough to mess with him.

“Dude, ohmigosh.” I used her favorite phrase, reining in my gag reflex. “Everyone just needs to let go of this whole thing. I mean, it happened years ago, right? No need to dwell on it.”

I wondered if Wren was toying with the idea of actually inviting me. I hoped, for her sake, that she wasn’t, because that would put her in the category of dumb as a rock. But by the smile spreading across her face, I knew that she’d totally bought every single lie I’d fed her and was coming back for seconds. I felt deceitful—lying isn’t only about the people you lie to, it’s mostly about your own integrity—but I could no longer stomach the idea that the boys could be planning another “orgy” with someone else. Plus, that plastic bag of evidence burned a hole in my duffel bag.

It couldn’t stay unused.

“Ohmigosh, Jesse, you’re right! I’m going to call them right after my private Zumba class. Hey, you should totally come.”

I pretended to punch her shoulder. “Eeep! You’re the sweetest, but I really need to get things prepared for the funeral and everything. Thanks, though.”

Even though Wren had the intelligence of expired mayo, Emery and Nolan were pretty bright. I didn’t want any of them to suspect I was pulling any tricks by declaring I’d be there. Wren pouted like an adorable puppy, her version of condolences.

“Prayers to you and your mom, Jesse.” She rubbed my arm. We shared an awkward half-hug.

“Thanks.”

Driving back to Gail’s, I knew a few things:

Wren was going to throw a party.

She’d invited me, because she was an idiot.

I was going to be there, but not in the capacity they were planning on.

Surprise.

I loved the feeling of my clothes, heavy and soaked with the unexpected rain, as I made my way down from Gail’s roof. The tropic summer episode cleared my head, and I felt so alive I wanted to scream.

Gail had fire escape stairs leading straight down from the roof of her building to the entrance. I used it to get down and was about to buzz myself back into her apartment when I noticed Bane leaning against his Harley, his head bowed down. He was standing in the rain, soaked to the bone, a look of sheer surprise at what he was doing—at how far he’d gone for a woman—crossing his face.

I turned my back to him and punched the intercom to Gail’s apartment. She buzzed me in without answering, because she knew my crazy self was out in the rain, thinking things over. Bane jogged behind me, scolding me under his breath.

“Are you going to ignore me forever?”

“That’s the general plan.” I pushed the building door open, and he strolled along with me, a trail of raindrops following him. I wanted to ignore his existence completely and go upstairs, but in reality, couldn’t tear my eyes from his beautiful face. Raindrops adorned his wet golden hair, dripping down to his boots.

“Crazy weather.” He chuckled, but it sounded so sad, the words cracking like an egg. “When I was a kid, I thought God was flushing the toilet every time it rained. Made leaving SoCal virtually impossible. It rarely rains here.”

“Thanks for the anecdote, Roman, but we’re past chitchat, so you can keep the rest of your fun facts for your next client,” I said viciously, twisting to the stairs and taking them two at a time. He caught up with my pace, and we were shoulder-to-shoulder, heat pouring through our damp clothes.

“Darren’s dead,” he said, mainly to show me that he knew.

“And this is your business because…?”

“He took your virginity.”

I stopped mid-step, turning around to face him.

“He took your virginity, and you’re my business.” His eyes were lit and burning, and I knew there was nothing I could do to diffuse them.

“How do you know?”

“Gail thought you’d already told me.”

I swallowed. I couldn’t really fault Gail. Bane was after me, and she knew I wanted to hurt him. And that nothing would hurt him more than this piece of information.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?” I pushed his chest.

“Because, unfortunately, I’m deeply in love with your ass.”