She finally looks me in the eyes. “Is that who you became when you were with the other twelve? And with Lana?”

“No.”

She gets up from the floor and straightens her skirt. “This was a bad idea.”

“I’m sorry.” I roll to sit on the floor with my back against the bed and press my palms to my forehead. “I don’t know what happened.” But that’s a lie. I know exactly what happened. I gave her a punishment fuck because everything she did and pretended to be tonight was a reminder of the repulsive things I’ve done. And my own wife was the one forcing me to walk that path again.

“I shouldn’t have done this.” She cups her hands over her mouth and then pushes her hands to her forehead. “I’m sorry. I need to get out of here.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“Please, don’t.” She can’t look at me and I don’t know what it means. Is she angry? Hurt? “I need some time to think.”

Laurelyn leaves without another word and I’m left sitting in a hotel room wondering what the hell she needs to think about.

15

I cry all the way home. I’m confused about what happened, but more embarrassed than anything. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided I’d pretend to be another woman for Jack Henry. That’s clearly not what he wants.

What should have been a night of hot sex turned into a total disaster. Jack Henry seemed to be into the role-play thing. I thought we were having fun and then it felt like he suddenly turned … angry. “Pretend to be someone else and I’m gonna fuck you like you’re someone else.” I don’t even know what that means.

I left Jack Henry at the hotel and now I don’t want to be alone. That’s why I’ve called Addie and begged her to come stay the night with me at Avalon. “Jack is staying in a hotel? Shit, I feel sorry for him and I don’t know what happened.”

Addie knows about his past. She thinks it’s fucked up, and it is, but she’s the only person I have that I can talk to about this. “We were meeting at a hotel for dinner and I showed up dressed in a business suit like his former companions … wearing a blond wig. I propositioned him to be my companion for the night. No names. No commitments.”

“Holy shit. Did he take you up on the offer thinking you were someone else? I’m gonna kill that fucker!”

“No. That’s not what happened at all. I pulled off a phony Aussie accent and he didn’t know it was me at first. He turned me down cold—even said he was waiting for his wife.”

“I’m really confused here, Laurie.”

“I had this crazy idea to role-play—be someone else for him—so he could feel the excitement he used to get when he took a new companion.” Shit, that sounded so much better in my head than hearing it come out of my mouth.

“That’s the stupidest idea you’ve ever had!” Addison yells. “He loves you to death. Why would you even put the idea of him being with another woman in his head like that?”

Yeah, hindsight is twenty-twenty. “I wish I hadn’t. It turned to shit so fast, Addie. Everything was good at first. We went up to the room and we were having fun but then something happened to him.” I remember what he said and chills come over me. “It’s like he became someone else and all I could think was that I came up to this room pretending to be someone else, so this must be what he was like with those other women.”

“How was he different?” she asks.

“He got rougher—more vigorous—than usual but I really liked it. It gave new meaning to sex on fire but then I freaked out because I started thinking about how he must’ve fucked those other women better than he does me. Then I started crying.”

“Oh hell, Laurie. That’s just so silly. You know he didn’t fuck them better than you. He was probably really turned on that you would do something so nuts just to get him off so he got a little carried away.”

“It was weird. He wasn’t himself.”

“Well, you damn sure weren’t his sweet L, so why would you expect him to be your precious Jack Henry?” She’s right.

“He told me to take the wig off, that he couldn’t stand it because it made him feel like he was fucking someone else.”

She gives me her duh look. “Sounds to me like he went along with that shit to make you happy but he doesn’t want to be with other women. I don’t think he even wants to be with you when you’re trying to look like other women. He hates his past and you forced him to relive it. It’s like a slap in the face to him.”

I only wanted to have fun. I never considered this outcome and it’s my fault. None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for me. “Omigod. You’re right. I’m a terrible wife. And to top it off, he’s sleeping in a hotel because of my stupid insecurities.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re a terrible wife. Maybe you could just say you suck tonight.”

“He’s told me time and time again that nothing before me matters.” Why am I so insecure when it comes to Jack Henry? He made me his wife. What more can I ask of him? “I have to go to him.”

I knock on the door once. Twice. And a third time. “Jack Henry.” I remember the second keycard in my purse and take it out. I unlock the door and push it open. “Jack Henry? Are you here?”

I walk through the suite’s living room but I can’t see if he’s in bed. It’s hidden from view behind a wall but I see a red thong lying at the foot of the bed. It’s the one I left during my hasty departure—which reminds me I’m still not wearing panties.

I walk through the bedroom door and Jack Henry is sound asleep, a half-empty bottle of whiskey at the bedside. I pick it up for a look at the black label—Jack Daniels. “This one is all on me, caveman.”

He holds his liquor pretty well. I’m guessing his stamina for alcohol can be accredited to what he does for a living. A winemaker can’t be an easy drunk so maybe he isn’t plastered. We’ve had lots of pivotal discussions after he’s had a little too much to drink. I tend to like the answers I get from him because they’re honest.

I shake his arm. “McLachlan, wake up.”

He opens his eyes slowly. “L?”

“I came back.”

He reaches out for my hand. “I’m so sorry for what I did.”