He laughs, and I look over from where I lay on the grass to see Carter Hewitt smiling over his shoulder at me. Another guy and girl stand around him, but I don’t remember their names even though we all graduated together.

Carter and I were supposed to go tubing today, but he cancelled due to this block party his parents asked him to be here for. Luckily, too, because I was having a hard time talking myself into not cancelling. I didn’t want to let Pike win that argument, but he was right. Tubing is an excuse to get drunk, and I wasn’t in the mood.

I sit up and dust the grass off my arms that I was using for a pillow to watch the stars start to come out. “Hey, what are you guys doing?” I ask.

“Anything but this.” He sighs. “There’s a shitload of people at the A&W. Wanna come? I’ll buy you a float.”

I chuckle under my breath and stand up. That actually sounds really good.

“I haven’t been there in so long,” I remark. “Why not? Let me just tell my ride.”

He and his friends head to their cars up the street, and I jog over to the lawn chairs full of guys in the center of the road. Pike sits with his back to me, while Dutch lounges next to him with his wife on his lap, and a few others around the circle I recognize from Pike’s poker games.

“Hey,” I say, coming up to Pike’s side. “Some friends are heading to the A&W. Root beer floats and that. They invited me to come.”

I’m not asking permission, but it kind of comes out like that.

He doesn’t look at me, just tips up his bottle of beer and takes a sip. “Root beer float?” he repeats sternly. “What are you…five?”

Jerk.

“Noooooo,” I say, “but that’s how you like to treat me sometimes.”

Dutch laughs quietly next to him but speaks up, in my defense, “Hey, I still love floats, man.”

I roll my eyes at Pike and look to Teresa, smiling. “Thank you so much for having me,” I tell her. “This was nice.”

“Thanks for coming, sweetheart. And thanks for the food.”

“How you getting home?” Pike interjects, still avoiding my eyes.

“I’ll bring her.”

I look over to see Carter stepping up next to us, and Pike turns his head just a hair to see him before turning away again.

I lift the corner of my mouth in a little smirk and bend down, speaking a few inches from his ear. “Do I have a curfew?”

Dutch snorts, and I see a little snarl flare on Pike’s mouth before it disappears.

“Have fun,” he says tightly.

I stand up again and turn, following Carter to his truck as amusement lightens my mood again.

Pike is jealous.

And while I don’t want to be thinking about him, I really like knowing he’s trying not to think about me.

How much of what he wants is he hiding or burying or trying to suppress? What does it look like when he doesn’t control himself anymore?

“Oh, my God, did you hear about Jillian?” Selena Gardner gestures to another girl, intermittently chewing on the end of a straw. “She tells Dean and Matt that one of them is the father, they go to get paternity tests, and neither one of them is the dad!” She laughs.

“Oh, my God!” The other girl’s eyes bug out. “Shit, does she even know whose it is?”

“Who cares?” Selena furrows her brow, leaning back on the car again. “I’d be more concerned about catching something other than a baby. I don’t leave the house without condoms anymore. You never know when you’re going to need them. Like really…”

Everyone laughs, and I fake a half-smile in an effort not to be awkward, but I’m sure I am, since I have barely said two words in the last ten minutes.

We got to the A&W an hour ago, and as expected, the place is full of teenagers and families with truck beds full of kids. The moonlight and crickets compete with all the headlights and car stereos, and the smell of charbroiled burgers and hot asphalt fills the air as engines rev and car doors slam.

There’s not a single person here I’ve talked to more than twice since I graduated over a year ago.

“I love this,” someone says to Selena, reaching over and handling her small Louis Vuitton purse. “Where’d you get it?”

“Isn’t it cute?” Selena lifts the strap over her head, showing the girl the purse. “I feel kind of bad. I owe my dad so much money, but I just had to have it.”

I drop my eyes to the purse, equal amounts jealous and aggravated. Sure, I’d love a purse like that, and I’d love to have her problems where she can mooch off family, because that’s what family’s for when you’re nineteen.

Part of me wishes I could ever be like that.

But even after I finish school, I’ll be so strapped with student loans, frivolities like designer handbags will still be a long shot. And strangely enough, I’m okay with that. I’d rather have a decent car. A house. The ability to pay all of my bills in the same month.

Selena and I are living through completely different problems, and I relate to her even less now than I did in high school. I’m sure the feeling is mutual.

Without making up some excuse to escape, I just turn and walk toward the side of the building, digging out my cell phone.

“Hey, Jordan. You okay?” I hear Carter call.

I turn my head, seeing him stand with some others, and I nod.

Once I reach somewhere slightly quieter, I dial Cam and hold the phone to my ear, tossing my empty cup in the trash can.

“Hey,” she chirps, knowing it’s me.

“Hey,” I say, her voice instantly soothing me. “Are you working? Can you come and get me?”

“I am working,” she tells me, “but I can split for a half hour. Where are you? Is everything okay?”

I notice music in the background and realize she’s at work.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” I tuck my hair behind my ear. “I’m at the A&W. I just want to go home.”

Home.

I pause every time I say it, knowing full-well it’s not really my home, but it feels weird to say, “Pike’s house” or “Cole’s dad’s house,” too.

After I hang up with Cam, I hit the bathroom first and then let Carter know I’m catching a ride home. There’s momentary disappointment, but I’m pretty sure it’s because he’s lost his hook-up for the night. Although, I’m not sure how he thought I would be anyway, especially after ignoring me to talk about cars and then being all-too-happy to let me get wrangled into “catching up” with a bunch of girls I never did any catching up with before, even in high school.

It’s not that there’s really anything wrong with Carter or Selena or anyone else here. But when they talk, you can tell they have nice things, like money in their pockets. And their moms. They have this lightness to their voices where you can hear that they haven’t been evicted from an apartment before or are trying to decide if they should trade in their smartphones for a flip phone, because it’s cheaper.

I’m different from them, and I always have been. Being here tonight just brings those feelings back, the feelings I hated having in high school, and when I’m around Pike, I...

I knit my brow, thinking.

When I’m around him, I’m in my element, I guess.

And more than anything right now, I just want to go home. Or wherever he is.

Cam arrives in less than fifteen minutes, and I climb into her car, not protesting as she speeds through town toward Pike’s neighborhood. Her boss is lenient, but the longer she’s away, the more money she loses, so I let her rush.

“Thank you,” I tell her. “Sorry to pull you away.”

She’s in a thigh-length black coat, tied at the waist, and I’m pretty sure she’s not dressed in much underneath, just slipped something on to walk through the parking lot without getting molested.

“You sure you’re okay?” she asks again.

I grab the dash with one hand as she makes a sharp right. “Yeah.”

“Everything going fine with the dad?” She glances over at me. “You know you can come to my place any time. You’re welcome to stay.”

“I know.”

Nothing is wrong. In fact, I’m now realizing everything that’s right, and it’s not at the A&W. I know what I want, and I know why it can’t be with Pike. I just need to find someone exactly like him.

I clutch the root beer float I bought for him as a gag as my sister winds through the streets and finally pulls up in front of Pike’s house.

I groan, my stomach still somersaulting. “Thank you.”

I climb out of the car, hooking my wallet on my wrist and closing the door.

“Is that April Lester’s car?” Cam asks through the open window.

I turn my head, seeing a red Mazda Miata convertible parked behind Pike’s truck, and my stomach sinks.

What the fuck? It’s late.

I dart my eyes to the house and see that it’s dark, no lights on anywhere. What would they be doing in there with no lights on?

A lump swells in my throat, and I feel like I’m going to throw up.

“She’s probably selling Girl Scout cookies,” Cam jokes.

But I’m seething. “It’s not cookie season.”

“Oh, honey, for some of us, it’s always cookie season.”

And I turn to my sister who makes a V with her fingers in front of her mouth and sticks her tongue between the two fingers, wiggling it.

I push off the door, mumbling, “Bite me.”

But she just laughs, kicking her car into gear. “Goooooood luuuuuuck.”

It takes two tries to swallow as I look up to the house. What is she doing here? What is she doing in there?

Yes, it’s his house, and to my knowledge he hasn’t hooked up with anyone since I came here weeks ago. He’s young, single—he has every right to bring women home.

But it doesn’t stop my heart from beating a mile a minute or my stomach from hurting. I’m here. Couldn’t he go to her house instead? Or to a motel?