“We should return. Your father will be worried sick by now.”

“He isn’t worried about me. He’s only worried about how I make him look bad,” I said quietly, pulling back. I wiped my cheeks. Romero brushed a strand away that stuck to my wet skin. We still stood close but now that I had a better grip on my emotions I stepped back, ashamed by the way I’d thrown myself at Romero. Again. I was glad I couldn’t read his mind. I didn’t want to know what he thought of me now.

Romero’s phone rang and after an apologetic smile at me, he picked up. “Yes, I have her. We’ll be there in a moment.”

I stared off toward an elderly man who stood before a grave. His lips were moving and he was leaning heavily on a walking stick. I had a feeling he was talking to his deceased wife, telling her how his days had been, how much he wanted to be reunited with her again. That would never be my father. He seemed to have gotten over Mother’s death already.

Romero touched my shoulder lightly and I almost flew back into his arms, but this time I was strong. “Are you ready to head back?”

Ready? No. I didn’t want to see Father or the fake mourning. I didn’t want to hear one more word of pity. “Yes.”

Neither of us mentioned the kiss as we walked back toward my mother’s grave. Romero had kissed me, or let me kiss him out of pity, that was the harsh truth of the situation. Luca and Aria were the only people waiting for us.

Aria rushed toward me and wrapped me into a tight hug. “Are you okay?”

I felt bad instantly. She too had lost our Mother. She too was sad, and now she’d had to worry about me on top of everything. “Yes, I just needed a moment alone.”

Aria nodded with understanding. “Father and the other guests have moved on to the house for the funeral feast. We should head there too, or Father will get even angrier.”

I nodded. Aria shot Romero a look I had trouble deciphering. Then she led me toward the car, her arms tightly wrapped around my shoulders. Luca and Romero trailed behind. I didn’t look back at Mother’s grave again, knew it would have been too much for me.

“What was that look you gave Romero?” I asked quietly as we settled on the backseat.

Aria made an innocent face but I didn’t buy it. I knew her too well even if we weren’t as close as we used to be, due to the distance between us. She sighed. “I told him to stay away from you.”

“You did what?” I hissed. Luca glanced over his shoulder at us, and I lowered my voice even further. I hoped he hadn’t heard what I’d said. Romero seemed busy finding a good radio station.

“Why did you do that?” I asked in a bare whisper.

“Lily, I don’t want you to get hurt. You think Romero will make you feel happier and help with the sadness, but it’ll only make things worse. Maybe you think you’ve fallen for him but you shouldn’t mistake loneliness for something else.”

I stared at my sister incredulously. “I’m not an idiot. I know my own feelings.”

Aria took my hand. “Please don’t be mad, Lily. I only want to protect you.”

Everyone always said they wanted to protect me. I wondered from what. Life?

***

Two days later, Aria, Gianna, Matteo, Romero and Luca left for New York. I wasn’t sure when I’d see them again. Aria had asked Father if I could visit them for a couple of weeks in the summer but he’d refused with a not so veiled look in Gianna’s direction. I’d put on a brave face, told them I’d be busy spending time with my friends and taking care of Fabi. Romero hadn’t even hugged me goodbye, and he and I never got the chance for a private talk. Maybe it was for the best that I couldn’t ask him about the kiss.

Aria called the same evening, trying to make sure I was really okay. I wasn’t but I didn’t tell her.

Instead I learned to go through the motions, trying to pretend things were going well. But my friends were either on vacation or busy with family matters, and I spent my days alone in our house with only the maid and my ancient bodyguard for company. Father and Fabi were gone almost all the time, and when they returned they shared new secrets they couldn’t talk to me about, and even in their presence I felt alone. The loneliness you felt when you were surrounded by people was the worst kind.

I often spent hours sitting in the chair next to the bed where mother died, thinking about her last words and wondering how I was supposed to keep my promise. Father didn’t allow me to go to college, didn’t allow me to visit New York, didn’t want me to party with my friends. All I could do was wait for something to happen, for life to happen. Maybe if Mother hadn’t died Father would have spent the summer introducing me to potential husbands and I would have a wedding to plan in the near future. Even that seemed preferable to the way my life unfolded now, without anything to look forward to.

Romero

Luca, Matteo and I played cards when Aria’s cellphone rang. She sat on the sofa with Gianna, drinking wine and laughing.

The moment Aria started talking I knew something was wrong. Luca put his cards down as well.

“Why didn’t you call before? You should have send her with us right away!”

Luca got up.

“You can talk to me, too,” Aria said, then she glanced toward Luca. “My Father wants to talk to you.” She held out the phone for him and Luca took it with a worried glance at his wife.

Gianna crossed the room toward her sister. “What’s going on?”