“I meant it, Romero. I love you,” I said.

He was quiet. “You shouldn’t. We don’t have a future, Lily.”

My heart ached from his words. I didn’t want to believe them to be true. “You don’t know that.”

“You’re right,” Romero said eventually. He kissed my temple again and then neither of us said anything.

***

Mother had died with longing in her eyes and regret on her lips. This wasn’t how I wanted to end. I didn’t want to have a pile of ‘what if’s’ and ‘how could it have been’ in my head during the last hours of my existence. I wanted to look back and not wonder how wonderful life could have been. I wanted Romero. I wanted Romero to be my first, wanted to share everything with him. Right in this moment, I wanted nothing more, and I knew that even if I’d come to regret it, that regret could never be as torturous as the one I’d feel if I didn’t do it, the one where I’d always be left wondering how it would be to become one with the person I loved. Sometimes you had to risk something to live, and Romero was a risk I was willing to take. That was all I could think about as I relished the last few moments of my orgasm.

Romero climbed up my body and brushed a kiss across my lips. He was about to lie down beside me, as he always did after he’d taken care of me, but I held onto his shoulders. “I don’t want to stop tonight.”

He became very still. His dark eyes traced every contour of my face as if he was hoping for a hint of regret somewhere, but I knew he wouldn’t find any. I’d spent too many nights longing and wondering and wishing, and tonight I’d finally get what I wanted. Of course, I needed Romero’s cooperation but I had a feeling he wouldn’t refuse me. He was dutiful and responsible, but he was also a man, and he wanted me. I could see it in his eyes, and his erection pressed up against my hipbone was a pretty good indicator as well. “Lily,” Romero rasped, then cleared his throat. I had to stifle a smile. “That’s something that can’t be undone. Everything we’ve done so far is easy to hide, but beyond this point, there are ways to prove our…transgressions.”

I laughed softly. “Transgressions?” I lifted my head and kissed him. “How can this be wrong?” Of course, I knew that Father and many other people in our world could have written a novel on all the ways, but I didn’t care. There was no part in me that thought what we were doing was wrong, and that was all that mattered.

“We discussed this already. I shouldn’t do this. For God’s sake, I made a promise to Luca to protect you. How is ruining your life protecting you?”

“You aren’t ruining my life. I want this, doesn’t that count for anything?”

“Of course it does.”

I pressed myself against him and grasped his cock through his boxers. “I want you. Only you. I want you to be my first.” I wanted him to be my only one. “Don’t you want to be my first?”

Romero exhaled a laugh and kissed the corner of my mouth, then my cheek before his eyes burned into mine again. “You know how much I want you. I can hardly think of anything else.”

I curled my fingers tighter around his erection. “I know.”

He released a harsh breath, then let out a quiet laugh. “You’ve got me in your hands in every possible way. That’s not how it’s supposed to be.”

I smiled. It felt good to know that I had that kind of power over someone like Romero. But he held just as much power over me, and my heart. It was a scary thing, knowing that someone else had the power to crush your heart with a few words. Love was scary. “I want you to be the one, Romero. I don’t want anyone else. Please.”

He kissed me again, fiercer this time, and lightly thrust into my hand. He felt hot and hard, and I couldn’t wait to feel him in me. “Are you sure?” he asked, but there was hardly any vehemence behind the words.

“Yes. I want you.”

Romero nodded. Excitement and nerves burst in my body. I’d half expected him to be more against it, but I was glad he hadn’t tried to talk me out of it. Today I’d finally become his.

Romero

I was supposed to be the voice of reason, the one to protect Lily from herself and from me, but I wasn’t as strong as everyone thought I was. Luca believed in me, trusted in my dutifulness and restraint. He didn’t know me well enough. Trust and longing filled Lily’s beautiful blue eyes. She wanted me, and damn it, I wanted her more than anything. Every fucking time I’d fucked her with my finger, I’d imagined how it would be to have my cock in her, to feel her hot walls around me. I couldn’t deny her. Maybe if there had been a flicker of doubt on her face but there was none. I tasted her mouth once more. She was sweet and soft and irresistible. Her fingers around my cock tightened and she bucked her hips lightly – an invitation I understood only too well, and longed to accept. I pulled away from her lips. “Not yet.”

“But,” she started. I slipped my hand between her legs and entered her with my middle finger. She let out a low breath and opened a bit wider for me. I loved how fucking responsive she was. Always so wet for me. There had been plenty of moments in my life when I had felt powerful but giving Lily pleasure beat them all. She didn’t say anything else, only closed her eyes and relaxed, trusting me to make her feel good. I kissed her breast, then nibbled on her nipple as I slowly slipped my finger in and out. Her breathing quickened but I kept a steady rhythm. I moved lower and positioned myself between her thighs. I let myself enjoy the sight of my finger as it entered her perfect pink pussy. Everything about her was beautiful. I leaned forward, not able to resist a moment longer. I closed my mouth over her bundle of nerves and teased her with my lips and tongue while my finger kept thrusting into her, deeper and harder now. I could feel her hymen every time I pushed in. I pressed my tongue against her clit, and slipped another finger into her. I’d never tried it before and her walls clamped around me tightly. Her breathing hitched in surprise and she tensed under me. I circled her lightly with my tongue the way she loved it, then took her between my lips and suckled. The tension left her body and a new wave of wetness followed, making it easier for my fingers to enter her. I found a slow rhythm as I listened to the sweet moans and sighs coming from her lips. I could have listened to her forever. I never got tired of giving her pleasure. There was just no better feeling in the world than making Lily explode with pleasure, and the knowledge that I was the only one doing it to her. A darker emotion filled me. She wasn’t really mine, might never be. One day she might have to marry someone her father chose for her and then that man would see her like this. Unreasonable fury surged through me, but I pushed the feeling aside. This wasn’t the moment to think about those kinds of things. I didn’t want to lose control only because I let my thoughts stray to dangerous places. I wanted to enjoy every fucking second of this, especially because I didn’t know how many more chances we would get together.