Aria joined me a few moments later. “You love him. Why don’t you show him?”

“Because he doesn’t love me. He can’t. This thing between us has no future.”

I wasn’t naïve enough to believe that Growl would change. If we stayed in New York and if he was allowed to work for Luca, there was only one job that he could do. He’d become one of Luca’s assassins. Too much had been broken in Growl when he watched his mother die and when he almost bled to death himself. I wanted to mend him but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to recover all the broken pieces. Some of them might be lost forever.

“Why? If you love him there’s a way.”

“He’s…not good.”

Aria laughed softly. “Luca isn’t good either, but I love him with all my heart. You just have to allow yourself to love his good parts.”

I loved good parts and I loved his ugly parts, loved him more than I should.

He’d stolen my freedom, my life. And somehow along the way, without me realizing it, he’d also stolen my heart.

“He loves you. I don’t know exactly what Luca and Growl talked about when they first met yesterday, but I have a feeling that the only reason why Luca trusts Growl is because he realized that Growl loves you. And Luca knows what love can do to a person.” She paused. “Your sister mentioned that your mother doesn’t approve. But don’t let that stop you, if you really love him. My sister Gianna didn’t like Luca very much in the beginning either.”

I nodded to show her I’d listened, but I couldn’t say anything.

Growl

Growl paced the corridor in front of Cara’s room. He wasn’t sure why he was waiting for her to show up. What was there left to talk about?

The moment she’d left for New York a few without him he’d known that this meant the end for them. The realization had been like a punch in the gut, the realization that she wouldn’t stay with him, a monster. No one would. She’d seemed to enjoy his company in the end, enjoyed his closeness and touch but he didn’t fool himself. Her affection for him had been born out of necessity. She’d had no choice. She couldn’t get away from him. But now everything had changed. In New York, Cara would be free to do as she pleased. No one was stopping her. Growl knew enough of Luca to know that the man wouldn’t support him in keeping Cara. And though it had taken a while for Growl to realize it, he didn’t want to have Cara as a possession. He wanted her to want to be with him. He knew that ridiculous notion meant he’d lose her altogether. She’d live her life without him. She’d find a new guy, a nice guy, someone who hadn’t caused her so many nightmares.

It was difficult for him to understand emotions, even and that would never change. But her expression just now made it clear even to him that she didn’t want him. Perhaps she’d pretended to tolerate him for her own sake and because she wanted him to help her revenge her father and kill Falcone. He couldn’t really blame her.

He often wished he’d never had her in the first place because it was easier to live without something you’ve never had, because you didn’t know what you were missing, but once you’ve had something it was difficult giving it up.

Growl had grown used to Cara’s presence. He’d always taken himself for a loner. Had thought he didn’t want other people around him. He’d enjoyed being alone, with only his dogs for presence. His life had been his alone. It had been uneventful and driven by habits but it had been safe. Now that he’d experienced living with someone, living with Cara, he had a hard time imagining being alone again.

He would get by. He always had. He’d work twice as much and hard, would put all his energy into making Luca trust and value him. He’d make a name for himself here in New York and eventually he’d forget about Cara and return to the life he’d had before.

And then Cara turned the corner, and he realized he was fooling himself if he believed he could ever forget her.

Cara

I froze when I spotted Growl in front of my room. Bandit and Coco lay curled up at his feet as if they’d all been waiting a while.

I approached him slowly, trying to get a grip on my emotions. Coco wagged her tail when I stopped in front of Growl.

Growl pushed his hands into his pockets but his body was tense as a bow. “There’s no reason for you to stay with me. You are free now. Even if I could force you to stay with me, I won’t. You are free to choose your own life.”

The words I’d been longing to hear from the moment Falcone had given me to Growl suddenly stung. “So what is it you’re saying? That you’d prefer if I left you?” Though leaving him required that we’d been a couple in the first place.

“That’s the last thing I want,” he said fiercely. He pulled his hands out, restless, almost as if he wanted to grab me and shake some sense into me but he didn’t touch me.

“Then what do you want?” I shot back, growing frustrated. Maybe I should have just accepted Growl’s words and left.

Mother would have preferred that, and it would have been the right choice morally, if I were being honest with myself.

Growl had monstrous parts, and that wouldn’t change. Years of abuse had burned those into him, and if I chose to stay with him, I’d have to live with that fact. Perhaps in New York, Luca would find better ways to channel Growl’s talents into less horrendous tasks, but I wasn’t fooling myself into believing that killing wouldn’t still be a big part of Growl’s life. That was something I’d have to accept. To stay with someone only because one hoped to change that person was an endeavor that had to fail.