Raize glanced my way before returning to the phone.

The air lightened, or maybe that was just me. I could breathe easier.

Abram would keep breathing for another day.

He shook his head, rolling his eyes. “You’re seeing everything, Raize. Everything. I need something back. I want to work with you, but if you don’t reciprocate, then we got a problem.”

“I’m working for the Russians in Philly now.”

Abram was quiet. Then, “Marakov?”

Raize nodded, his thumb going back to the phone. He pressed a few buttons before he tossed it back to Abram. “I need to take Oscar out,” he said. “All of his operations.”

That perked my ears. Those girls—they could be set free.

Abram glowered, going through his phone. “You’re such a dick. You sent this shit to your phone, didn’t you? Normal guys would die for doing that.”

Raize ignored him. “Tell me the rest of Oscar’s operations. Set up a meet with my employer and Estrada.”

“Right. Yeah.” Abram’s tone was mocking. “I’ll just, you know, marry the Pope at the same time.” His eyes went mean. “What are you smoking? You left Estrada. He will kill you if he knows about you. Those were the terms, Raize. You leave and never come back. You’re violating those terms.”

Oh.

OH!

Oh.

This was why Raize had to be forced to come back down, and it was because of me.

He watched me, waiting for my reaction, but I just blinked at him. What did that mean? For him to throw down like that for me?

A new intensity sparked between us. This was a whole new level. We weren’t going to survive it, whatever this was.

I just wanted to find my sister. She’d been taken in by the Russians. We were going to get killed by the cartel in Texas, and I’d never get back to Philadelphia—if that’s even where my sister was.

I grimaced, remembering the searing panic I’d felt when we left those girls back there, how I thought my sister could be in one of those rooms.

I felt Raize’s eyes on me, but he was replying to Abram. “Estrada still wants to know if Jorge killed his brother, right?”

“Yeah, but he’ll never find out. He needs proof before he can make any move, and if he did, we’re talking about the Estrada Cartel splintering in half. That ain’t gonna happen.”

“But he still wants to know?”

Abram waited a moment. “He still wants to know. He thinks it, but I don’t think he knows it for sure.”

“Set up the meet with Estrada. I have a bargaining chip for him.”

Me. He was talking about me.

Shit. Shit!

They’d ask me a question about someone’s life and… Okay... The pain wasn’t there, not as much as usual. Thank God, my numbness was sliding back in place. I’d been feeling so much, too much.

Because of Raize.

He had to be the reason I was feeling things, remembering things, because he was making me feel like I was safe to feel, remember.

I wasn’t.

I could not forget that.

“You sure about this?” Abram’s voice quieted.

“I’m sure.”

“You go in, you’re going to need men at your back. Estrada knows you, knows what you can do. He’ll have planned for that.”

“I know. Make the call, Abram.”

He walked away, putting his phone to his ear.

I could feel Raize’s gaze back on me.

“He’s going to come back, saying he needs to take a trip,” he said softly. “His boss will want to see him up close and personal before deciding what to do, and then he’ll make a decision. Abram will text me a time and place, and we’ll go. I don’t want Cavers to know anything about this meeting, and that means Jake can’t either. I’m going to make a call to my boss and ask for more men. But I have to know, before I walk in with you at my side, if you’re going to go fucking crazy again?” He ground out the last three words.

I winced.

He wasn’t asking why I went crazy. I didn’t think he cared. He just wanted to know if I’d be a liability.

“I’ll be fine,” I said faintly.

“I mean it.”

I lifted my head, my eyes finding his. He was angry, his guard not in place for the moment. I could see everything. He was seething. I felt his intensity seeping into me.

I didn’t like this feeling of being tethered to him, but I also knew when that went away, that wouldn’t be good either.

I swallowed over a knot. “I don’t like the name Carrie.”

“What?”

“Carrie. That’s what you called me back there. I don’t like that.”

“What do you want to be called then? Girl?”

I kinda liked Girl, but it wouldn’t work anymore. Raize and I were beyond that sort of cold, stranger work relationship. He needed me to live, and I needed him to live.

“There was a girl. Her name was Ashley, but I’d like to go by Ash.”

He stared at me, then sighed. “Fine. Ash.”

Good. Ash. I liked my new name.

15

Ash

When we returned to the house, bringing food with us, Raize’s phone chimed just as we stepped through the front door.

“They’re back!” Jake yelled from the kitchen.

“About fucking time.”

Jake’s smile stretched wide when he saw the large pizza box in my hands. “Nice. She can read minds.”

Cavers grunted, coming forward and taking the box from me. He frowned as he looked over my shoulder.

I turned to find Raize had stopped back by the door, reading his phone.

Cavers’ gaze moved back to me. “What were you guys doing today?”

“That’s none of our business,” Jake said before I could, glaring at Cavers, who ignored him as he put the box on the counter and opened it up.

Jake continued to glare as he turned to reach for paper plates and napkins on the counter behind him. He tossed them next to the pizza, but Cavers had already grabbed three slices.

We’d had pizza the night before, and this didn’t seem too appetizing now. I’d eaten two slices of pizza this morning. Raize had stopped to get soda, and water for me, and I regretted not grabbing food I liked from the store, too.

“Not hungry?” Cavers asked.

I lifted my head in surprise. Who knew Cavers cared?

Raize paused behind the counter. I met his eyes and shrugged. “You’re going to yell at me if I don’t eat that?”

“You didn’t say anything earlier.”

I lifted a shoulder. “I wasn’t thinking about food then.”

He frowned, just slightly. “What do you want? I’ll make a run.”

“Boss.” Jake lifted his hand, half a slice in his mouth. He spoke around it, “Icanakearundoo.”

Everyone frowned at him.

He shoved the rest of his slice in his mouth and held up both hands. “Wah?”

My stomach growled. “I don’t even know what I’d want to eat,” I told them. “I’ll eat a slice. I’ll be fine.”

Raize slid the water we’d bought in front of me. “Grab a sleeping bag and a blanket from the pile. You slept on the floor last night. You’ll need your rest.”