“I didn’t.”

“You did. If you hadn’t attacked that guy, he would’ve killed Gus, and you knew you couldn’t just distract him because he would’ve killed you next. You made a decision, and you told yourself it was in defense of a dog. You hate when innocents get caught in the crossfire. No one enjoys that, but it’s part of this job. Yet it torments you. I know you’re worried I’ll go back and kill that officer and his family, and that’s the good in you. You. Are. Good.” He tapped my chest. “I am not. I’m a killer, straight up. Nothing good about me. All bad. I get told to kill, and I do it. You’re the closest thing I’ve got to a conscience, and even you know the bad guys gotta go.”

He didn’t get it.

He never would.

“If you don’t plan for me to pull the trigger on Bronski, I’m going to slip away and do it myself. He’s not the top of my list, but he’s not far down.”

Because I was a little petty, I went to take a shower and left the door open. He could hear me getting naked, and he knew he wasn’t welcome in here. But once I stepped in the water, all that went down the drain, and it was just Bronski.

Me feeling him.

Me hearing him.

Him, him, him.

He was everywhere, and I couldn’t fight against him.

He was… I gritted my teeth, raising my face and letting the water pound down on me.

Raize didn’t get it.

39

Raize

She’d been in the shower for an hour, and I had no clue what to do.

The hours I had to get these targets done were ticking by, but I had a woman now, and I cared about her, and she’d been raped, and she wanted to kill her rapist, and she was in the shower, and I had. No. Fucking. Clue. What. To. Do.

The water turned off, but she still didn’t come out.

I waited, trying to study what Downer had sent me about my targets, but the facts and locations and time schedules were all muddied in my head.

Fuck it.

I didn’t know where Maxim’s men would be tomorrow, but I knew where Carloni was tonight. I knew where Bronski was tonight. She wanted to kill Bronski.

Fine. We’d go kill Bronski.

ASH

I stepped out of the bathroom and stopped short.

Raize was dressed all in black, every weapon was packed up. His papers weren’t spread out anymore.

And his eyes, a chill went down my back.

I didn’t have a good feeling, so I tightened my hold on my shirt. “What’s going on?”

He tossed my gun on the bed. “Suit up. We’re getting this done tonight.”

My mouth went dry.

Man.

My mind went blank.

40

Raize

We went over the plan. Everything was ready.

Cavers crawled into the cab of the truck he stole an hour earlier, pulling himself through the back window. Once he was in, he righted himself and glanced back. I was driving. Ash had refused to sit inside. She’d gotten in the back, scooted to the far corner of the bed, hugged her knees, and hadn’t moved since. Jake was back there keeping an eye on her.

“Boss.” Cavers looked back again, and I knew who he was checking on.

I had a feeling Jake told him to push this.

This wasn’t Cavers. Even being a snitch, he sucked. He did nothing.

He did his job for me, and cooked.

Now he was coming in here? He was going to press me about Ash? Was that it?

Jake put him up to it, but I knew he did it because he cared.

Still. Bullet in the ass could be a thing.

“Maybe we should’ve left her with Gus.”

Gus hated being left behind. Hated it. He’d been barking when we left, so we had to put him in the bathroom, which everyone hated. Even me. He was a good guard dog for Ash, but where we were going, he would’ve been a disaster. He was the opposite of stealth.

I shrugged. “She said she wants to kill Bronski.”

“Yeah. I know, but…” His silence was long and suffering, so fucking suffering.

I growled, taking another turn. We were almost there. “Say your fucking piece, then get your ass back there, and don’t fucking move again.”

His mouth snapped shut and he straightened with a nod. “Got it.”

“Now say your piece.”

“Doesn’t seem like I need to. You’re going to let her go in anyway.”

“Yeah.”

He sighed. “Got it. Some shit never changes, huh?”

I swung the wheel over, hitting the brakes. Jake and Ash would be fine. They’d learned how to ride in the back of a truck. I slammed it into park and grasped Cavers’ throat, pressing him against the side of his seat.

“You wanna say that shit again?” I squeezed. “We’re doing it this way tonight, because things have changed.” I tightened my grip. “When you going to fucking get that? Everything’s changed.”

Something cracked behind him, and I heard banging. Muted yells.

I could kill him. Right here. Right now. This way.

I could squeeze just a little harder, feel his throat pop and his neck snap.

The old me? He came to work for me to betray me. That enough would’ve put him in the ground.

This new fucking me? I didn’t like this new fucking me.

My door wrenched open, and I tensed, expecting hands to yank me back.

Ash was on me, crawling over me, getting to my hands and digging her nails in, breaking my skin. “Get off of him! Let him go!”

He was close to death.

He knew it. He was looking right at me, and he saw it. He saw that I wanted to kill him, but fuck—I wanted to kill everyone. Panic flared, and he started fighting.

I liked having this power—a cold sweat broke over me. No, I didn’t like this power.

I didn’t like it at all.

But fuck him.

I squeezed one last time before letting go.

That’s when my hearing cleared, and Ash was screaming at me. “Oh my God! You almost killed him!”

I withdrew my arm, now bloody, and Ash gave me a look of hate before she turned back toward Cavers.

He got out his side of the truck, coughing and doubled over. She scrambled with him, tending to him.

Jake came to my side, waiting for me.

He saw my arm and handed over a bottle of bourbon. “Thought you were going to kill him.”

I grunted, upending the bourbon over my arm. I should’ve felt a burn, a good, solid one. I felt nothing. This was how it was when I killed. Everything in me shut down. I had to do what I had to do. And I would do it. Then I’d turn myself on again later, when it was safe to be on again.

“You sent him in there.” I leveled him with a look. “I’m not the one to push tonight.”

Jake swallowed, then nodded. “Figured I messed up enough, but I’m worried about her.”

“That’s why you’re the one with her in there. Got me?”

He dipped his head quickly, briskly. “Got it.”

“You and me, there’s static because you’re my number two. You can lead, if you need to. That’s the reason for the static.”