Mrs. Preston covers my hand with hers. “You’ll change the world then, Sophia?”

There is no hint of sarcasm, of doubt. She is sincerely asking me what I aim to do.

“I don’t know about the world, but we can start with Lille,” I say. That’s enough for right now. “I should be on my way.”

I tuck my hair under my cap, and Mrs. Preston hugs me tightly. “Erin doesn’t want to be married to that man—or any man.” She looks up at me. The love and gentleness she has for her own girls has always extended to me and to Erin, but I didn’t know exactly how much until this moment. “She tried so hard to pretend to be happy about the match. She wanted to make her parents proud.”

“I know.” How being married to a man like Édouard, who beats her, could make them proud is beyond me. Why was that an acceptable price to pay for being chosen? She’s worth more and deserves better.

“Perhaps it has always been you who was meant to save her,” she says.

“There’s still hope,” I say, although I’m not sure I’ve fully convinced myself of that. She holds me for a long time before going upstairs. Mr. Preston walks me to the door.

“I won’t ask you what you plan to do or where you’re going,” he says. “It’s best that I don’t know, but you know where to find me if you need anything.”

I nod, take his hand in mine, and give it a squeeze. “Thank you.”

I hug him and leave without looking into his eyes for fear that I won’t be able to see through the tears. I stand on the stone pathway in front of the house and breathe in the chilly air. It allows me to refocus. Erin.

Just down the road from the orchard, I find Erin and Édouard’s temporary residence, a large house with a tiled roof and large stained-glass windows that sits apart from the others on the street.

I leave my horse tethered to a tree close by and walk up to the house, my heart pounding. Will she even want to see me? And what can I say to her after all this time?

Just as I’m thinking of chucking a stone at one of the upper windows, the front door opens, and Erin comes out. I stop, frozen where I stand. I wait for her to notice me, the anticipation tying me in knots. She pulls her shawl in around her neck as she looks up into the sky and exhales long and slow, the way she does when she’s exhausted. She levels her head and steps forward.

“Erin,” I say, just above a whisper.

“Sophia?” Her voice sounds thin and raspy as if she’s been crying. I wonder for how long and if any of those tears are over me.

“I had to see you,” I say.

She sweeps down the front steps, and I think she’s going to embrace me, but as I reach for her, she stops.

“What are you doing here?” She glances back at the front door.

“I came to see if you were all right. After I saw you in the market—”

Erin huffs loudly. “Leave the past in the past, Sophia. That’s where it belongs.” Her eyes and words are like ice.

“I thought you’d—I don’t know—I thought you might want to see me. I wanted to see you.”

“Really? Why would I want to see you? You left. You think you’re better than us because you got away?”

I’m struck silent. She is seething, hatred dripping from every word.

“I don’t think I’m better than anyone,” I say. “Why would you say that? I asked you to come with us. I wanted you to come.”

“Come with you where?” She looks back at the door again. “Where did you go?” She shakes her head. “Don’t answer that. I don’t care. I don’t care that you feel sorry for me and came to see how pitiful I am.”

“That’s not why I’m here. Erin, what happened to you? Why are you acting like this?”

She marches up to me and sticks her finger in my chest. “You left! You left me here to deal with this alone. Liv is dead, and you’re gone, and I have no one.”

All the time I spent trying to be there for her flashes in my head. How many times had I tried to comfort her, to help her in any way that she would allow, and now this is my fault?

“I tried to tell you how much I cared for you. I tried so hard and you—you pushed me away.” This isn’t my fault.

“You tried to make me believe that this would work when you knew damned well that it never will,” she says. “Not here in Lille or anywhere else. I’ve accepted my fate. Something you could never do because you’re too busy daydreaming. If my husband finds you here, he’ll turn you in.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” I say after a moment. I’m desperate to give her an out. “I’ve found another way.”

“I won’t risk being disowned by my parents all because you have some new plan that will get you executed like that poor woman in the marketplace, like your own grandmother.”

My stomach turns over. “I don’t care.”

“Of course you don’t,” she snaps. “Your parents have already disowned you. And you have no husband, nothing to lose.” Her words cut me to the bone, rip my insides out and stomp on them. “Not even you, with all your wishful thinking, can change things. You’re not special, Sophia. You’re just a silly girl like the rest of us.”

Holding my tears at bay, trembling with frustration, I shake my head. “You’re wrong. I lost myself in caring for you. I cared for you so much I forgot that I deserve to be happy too. I’m sorry you don’t believe in me.” She bristles. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you.”

“I don’t need to be saved,” she says as she weeps silent tears. “I need you to leave me alone. Forever.”

“You’re afraid. I know what that’s like. But you’re going to have to decide what you’re willing to risk to change things.” This is goodbye. It has to be. I know what the king’s laws do to the women of Lille, but what they’ve done to Erin is more than I can stand.

Giving me one last look, she turns and goes inside.

After staring at the closed door for a moment, I mount my horse and ride straight back to Constance, who is waiting for me on the front step. I climb down as she comes toward me, her eyes worried.

“I only wanted to tell her that there was another way, but she still can’t understand that.”

Constance slips her hand into mine. “I’m sorry, Sophia.”

“No,” I say. “I’m sorry. I never should have risked going back there, and I don’t want you to feel like I was trying to make a choice between you and Erin. I made that choice before I left. I choose you.”

Constance presses her lips against mine as she winds her arms around my neck.

“Ahem.” Amina clears her throat, standing on the front step with her arms crossed. “Went out for a little stroll this morning? I hope you enjoyed yourself. Are the palace guards on your tail?” She splits a pointed look between me and the driveway.

“I wasn’t followed.”

“You went into town,” Constance says to Amina. “Don’t be a hypocrite.”

“I can blend in seamlessly, thank you very much, while Sophia just looks like a very beautiful man,” Amina snaps.