And just like that, she was eight again, our fingers hanging on by a thread in the treehouse, and I couldn’t stop what was happening to her.

“Why is she crying?” I barked at the doctor.

“Because it fucking hurts!” she yelped, answering for him.

“Well, give her something!”

“It’s too late for that now,” he mumbled through his mask and then peered over Winter’s legs. “Plus, you wanted natural childbirth, right?”

“What the fuck for?” I burst out, looking down at her like she had three heads.

“We didn’t talk about that.”

She growled and pushed back up on her elbows.

“Alright, deep breath and push!” the doctor said. “One, two, three, four…”

“Ahhh!” she gritted through her teeth, her whole fucking body tense and rigid, and I wanted to look, but I didn’t want to leave her.

“Five, six, seven…” they called.

Winter looked flushed and sweat beaded her brow.

“Eight, nine…”

Her face twisted up, and she let out a small scream, and a tear fell, and I tightened my fists, unable to take my eyes off her. Jesus, fuck. Why the hell would she turn down perfectly legal drugs?

“Ok, the head is out!” the doctor told us.

My lungs emptied, and my stomach somersaulted. I moved to look, but she pulled me back. “Don’t leave me.”

I leaned back down and kissed her, but I started to laugh, and I couldn’t help it.

I didn’t know why I was feeling what I was feeling, but it was incredible. Whatever it was.

“I’ll bet it’s a boy,” she said, sucking in deep breaths.

“If you’re wrong, you have to do that bathtub thing for me,” I remind her of our bet.

We hadn’t found out the sex of the kid, wanting to be surprised.

But she just laughed despite herself. “I do it for you anyway. You know that?” she shot back.

“Ok, one more push,” the doctor told her.

Alex and I lifted her up again, and she took a few deep breaths, and then inhaled one more and held it, squeezing her eyes shut and pushing as the count began.

“One, two, three…”

I stared at her face, so much shit washing over me as I watched her, but most of all I just wanted to hold her close. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Four, five…”

I was going to be such a screw up. I’d do so many things wrong with her and this kid.

“Six, seven, eight…”

But fuck, I was going to love them. I didn’t care about being perfect. I just wanted to be everything my father wasn’t. I wanted this with her a million more times, and no matter all the shit that still lived inside me, I already knew I was better than him.