“But you could’ve disappeared after.”

He strokes my shoulder blade, his eyes darkening as if he’s taking a trip to the past. “Not after I saw that delicious fear in your eyes, no. I had to explore it…and you.”

“You’re such a sadist.”

“If you say so.”

“And before then? Did you make it your mission to watch me?”

“Correct.”

“Did you attend my ballet performances?”

“Yes.”

“And yet, you said you weren’t a stalker.”

“Stalker or not didn’t matter. I was on a mission at the time to learn your habits, know your life, and eventually become a part of it so I could ask you a few questions about Lazlo. Turned out, you knew nothing and even believed the cover-up surname was yours.”

“Sorry I was useless,” I mock.

“I’m not.”

“Really? I thought I ruined your plan.”

“You did. You shredded my patterns apart and dug yourself a place in the middle of them. You tore through my original plan and I had to come up with another drastic one to get close to Lazlo without getting you involved.”

“I assume it worked?”

“It did.”

“Then why isn’t he helping you to not be suspected by Sergei?”

His jaw clenches. “I see Yan’s mouth is getting loose.”

My hand wraps around his tattooed bicep as I implore. “We’re on the same side. I just want to help. If I were to talk to my father, would that—”

“No.”

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“You don’t have to. The answer is no.”

“But—”

“No, Lia. I didn’t keep you away all this time to bring you in now.”

“We’re husband and wife. We’re supposed to do this together.”

“It’s because we’re husband and wife that I’m protecting you. This subject is closed for discussion.”

“You’re a dictator.”

“Back to the labels, I see.”

“Well, you are one.”

“And you only figured it out now, Lenochka? If I weren’t, I wouldn’t have been able to bring you in from the streets.”

I pause, staring down. “You…scared me back then.”

“I had to so you’d know there was no way out.”

“I…was also attracted to you.”

“Hmm. You were?”

“So much so that I secretly hated your wife. I wanted to claw her eyes out.”

“You were jealous of yourself?”

I hide my face in his chest as I nod.

“Look at me, Lia.”

I shake my head, too embarrassed to stare at him.

Adrian grabs my chin and lifts it up so I’m once again held prisoner in the storm brewing in his eyes. It’s tamer now, softer, but I have no doubt it’ll erupt any second if need be.

“What else did you feel?” he asks.

“Envious, mostly. I wanted you and Jeremy for myself more than anything.”

“You had us.”

“Not during that first month. But you eventually brought me home. Thank you and I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“For lying to you and for earlier. I didn’t mean to use Jeremy to make you commit to the vacation. Kolya said you didn’t react well to that.”

“First Yan is on your side and now Kolya? Are Boris and Ogla next?”

“They just want what’s best for you.”

“Uh-huh.”

I squeeze his bicep tighter. “Was your mother that bad?”

“I told you she was a villain.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sure she’s more than sorry. She had an ending that fits your Disney movies.”

“What type of ending?”

“She only ever wanted my father and power, and she died with a bullet to the head because of them. It happened when I was ten.”

“Oh, Adrian…” My heart aches for him as if the pain is mine. He might not have been close to his mother, but she was still the woman who gave birth to him and raised him. Her death must’ve affected him in a way.

No wonder he grew up to be an emotional vault. It must be hard for him to feel after everything that happened in his childhood.

“She’s in the past. Both of my parents are.”

“How did your father die?”

“There was a hit against the previous Pakhan, Nikolai, and he protected him with his body.”

I gulp. “Did he have to?”

“Not really, but it’s expected of us to protect our Pakhan.”

“Don’t do it.”

“What?”

“Don’t protect him with your life.”

“I won’t. I have a family, remember?”

“Didn’t stop your father.”

“I’m not him, Lenochka. Never.”

I hug him tight, burrowing my face in his chest. I’ll make sure he’s not his father.

Even if it’s the last thing I do.

12

Lia

The next day, something keeps nagging at me.

I try ignoring it and pretend that it doesn’t exist, but my feet lead me back here, anyway.

What’s the point of burying my head in the sand? It only made my state worse and managed to push me off that cliff where I could’ve lost everything.

And I did, in a way.

I temporarily lost Jeremy and Adrian. I lost the life I’d been fighting tooth and nail to protect. I don’t care what I have to do to never end up on another literal—or metaphorical—cliff again.

You’re stronger than this, Lia.

My hand trembles on the doorknob as I slowly turn it and crack the door. But instead of going inside, I remain at the threshold, staring at the small opening through which a patch of the white wall is visible. The beeping sound of the machine beats down my chest and through my bones.

I’d hoped Boris would stop me from going into the guest house, or that Kolya would magically appear by my side and tell me in his monotone voice that “the boss ordered me to stay away.”

None of that happened.

Instead, Boris stepped aside, not bothering to stop me. After the heart-to-heart I had with Adrian last night, I can tell he’s giving me more leeway. He’s not the type of man who gives second chances, as Yan likes to remind me, so I’m grateful that he’s trying, that he’s taking a different path that doesn’t include punishing or bestowing me with his neglectful silent treatment.

I’m not an idiot. I know that Adrian’s newfound trust is fragile at best. If I show any sign of siding with Luca—or anyone aside from him—his wrath will be the most dangerous I’ve ever witnessed.

And because he’s trying, in his own way, I need to do the same. In order to get rid of my visceral nightmares, I have to take care of the source. Namely, the woman lying in bed.

Since it’s nighttime, there’s a soft light in her plain room that looks right out of a hospital. The nurse probably keeps the light on for when she comes to check on her. I noticed her leaving the building earlier and that’s when I gathered my courage and came here right after I put Jeremy to bed.