Zellman thrust a fist in the air. “Hell yeah. Take it.” He offered his half-emptied beer.

Cross laughed, but shook his head. “I’ll wait for the good liquor there. Ryerson always has something.”

“Yeah! That’s what it’s about.” Zellman finished his beer and reached into the cooler for a second. “Jordan?”

“I gotta drive.” He glanced to me. “Ride home?”

I looked over to where the guy still lay on the ground. He hadn’t moved.

I shook my head. “Think I’ll walk. I can cut through the trees.”

“You sure?”

Cross moved around us, clapping Jordan on the shoulder. “Let’s go. Bren can take care of herself.” He glanced back to me, circling around the front of the truck to get into the passenger side. He knew I wanted to be on my own tonight. He knew it because he could feel it. Just like I could almost hear his thoughts now.

She always has.

I finished in my own head, Always will.

Cross’ statement seemed to settle the other guys, and Jordan started the truck. He circled around me, kicking up a cloud of dust, and zoomed back down the way we’d come. He saluted me with a finger as he passed by. Zellman had settled into the bed, sitting by the cooler, and he held up his beer as his goodbye.

I shook my head, the smallest hint of a smile tugging at my mouth, but that was all the reaction they got.

Once they were gone, it was just me, the bloodied guy, and the same dark quiet I’d felt earlier.

It came out of nowhere at times, swallowing me whole. Some days it would vanish just as quickly. Other times, like tonight, it lingered.

It used to scare me. I now missed it when it wasn’t here, but I always knew it would move on. It was like a firefly slipping away into the night. When that happened, I was left with the feeling that I’d let something slip through my fingers.

This night, that firefly remained.

It warmed me.

The dirt crunched under my shoes as I headed for the guy.

He wasn’t unconscious, like he’d been playing. At my approach, one eye opened, and I saw panic flare there. He tried to get away, but couldn’t. His injuries were too much.

I sat next to him, fishing out my phone. “Stop.” He was still trying to get away, but it was only adding to his injuries. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

A gargled groan came from him.

I shook my head. “Trying to talk is useless. Save your energy.” I waved my phone at him. “We’re in the middle of nowhere.”

Jordan liked to bring his victims to this part of town for that reason. It was a small alcove at the top of a hill. The street ended up here, and there were only trees surrounding us.

The guy quieted, watching me with that same panicked eye.

“I’m going to call for an ambulance. I’m going to give them your name, and then I’m going to sit here with you until they come. If you turn me in…” I let the threat hang between us.

Guilt flashed in his eyes. He knew what would happen.

I dialed 9-1-1 and sat with him.

This scene should’ve bothered me: a guy who could barely move and was bleeding out beside me. The silence in the woods around us. The fact that he was like this because of my group. But it didn’t.

Now that the guys were gone, the firefly lingered beside me, keeping me company.

I closed my eyes, my insides matching the outside.

I felt one with the darkness.

No. This scene didn’t bother me one bit.

I loved the silence. I welcomed the silence, and it wasn’t interrupted until the shrill ambulance sirens cut through the air.

I let out a sigh, knowing the dark calm would go away now, and looked out over the hill. From the top, I could see the lights of the ambulance coming from miles away.

I’d have to move. They couldn’t find me with him, but for now I waited.

The road wound all the way around the hill on its way up. Once the ambulance was just around the bend, I patted the guy on the leg.

“Okay, I’m off.” I glanced back to him as I stood. “You’re going to be fine.” I dusted off my jeans. Some of the dirt seemed to land in his eye, and he blinked a few times, still watching me steadily. It seemed like he was asking me not to leave, but I shook my head.

“I can’t stay. Just don’t mess with another girl. Okay?”

I waited a beat. The ambulance was almost to us. I needed to go. Yet I bent down over him. I took out my knife and placed it against his throat. He went completely still.

“If I hear that you’ve touched another girl against her will…” I pressed the knife against his skin. “I’ll come alone next time, and I won’t leave you awake. Got it?”

He blinked. That’s all he could do.

The lights began to turn toward where we were, so I moved into the darkness, slipping my knife back into my pocket.

The ambulance lit up the street where he lay, and as they parked, I stepped back into the trees. They hid me, even as I heard one of the paramedics curse.

“Fuck. Who did this?”

The other paramedic didn’t answer, and as instructed, the guy didn’t either. As one EMT began to talk to him, taking his vitals, the other opened the back to pull out a stretcher. It was only a few minutes later when they were gone again.

I stepped out and walked back to where he’d lain as the ambulance moved down the hill. Its lights disappeared into the darkness, and I was all alone.

There were shortcuts all through the woods, but I was content to walk down the middle of the road.

I just followed the white dashes.

I walked past the motorcycles on the front lawn, knowing the house would be unlocked.

What I didn’t know was whether my brother would be home. It was Sunday night, his night off from the bar, but that didn’t always mean he’d be here. He kept a random schedule, coming in and leaving at odd hours. I was usually okay if he was gone, but not because he was a bad guy. He was just an absent guy, had been most my life.

I stepped inside and quietly shut the door. I held my breath, waiting, listening. No lights were on, but I smelled smoke as it wafted past me on a breeze. The back patio door stood open. I crossed to the kitchen and stood at the sink. They weren’t on the patio, but I saw the fire pit lit up, and a second later, Heather’s voice drifted to me on another breeze.

“…can’t blame her. She’s a senior this year.”

My brother’s girlfriend, or his on-again-off-again-whatever-the-fuck-they-were-doing-childhood-sweethearts-girlfriend, sat forward in her lawn chair.

My brother, Channing, sat next to her, tipping his beer back as he spoke. “Give me a break. She should be home and you know it.”

It was just the two of them.

They were talking about me. Even now, knowing that, I let some of the darkness sneak back in. When I felt it, it pushed all the other emotions away. I felt some peace, but I knew it’d come at a cost. There was always a cost. The darkness was there for a reason. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew I was messed up, but I couldn’t help it sometimes. Or like now, I welcomed it. The firefly had left me on the walk home. I loved feeling the buzz of its wing next to me again.

I turned and sat, my back against the cupboard beneath the kitchen sink.

Eyes closed.

Head down.

I listened to them.

A lawn chair creaked. A bottle clanked against another one. Then came the swish sound of another bottle being opened.

“She’s my sister, Heather. You act like I shouldn’t worry about her.”

A frustrated sigh. “That’s not my issue. I’m just saying, you’re forgetting how we were at that age. We ran wild. The shit we did, fuck. You want your sister to act like some normal kid, and there’s no way she can. Not with all that’s happened to her. You need to be realistic.”

“Thanks,” he clipped out.

“Your mom died when she was in seventh grade, and your dad went to prison. Max died a few years ago. Give her time.”

“It’s been two years.”

“She lost her parents, her half-brother, and she had to move out of the house she grew up in.”

“Fucking bank. I offered to pay the rest of that mortgage. Asshole had a stick up his ass.”