“He came to the church the other night and asked me if the offer that Loretta had given him still stood,” he explained.

“Why would he do that? Why would you allow him to do that?”

Samuel’s brows lowered, and he crossed his arms. “He came to me and told him he was tired of hating. He was sick of being angry, and as long as he stayed on that property, the hate would stay inside him. So he wanted it to be gone for good. Yet he wanted enough money to make sure you’d be okay without it. I understood, too. Wanting to let go of the past hurts. There was only one thing I requested of him if we made the deal.”

“And what was that?”

“Rehab.”

My chest tightened. “Rehab?”

“Yes. He’s going to spend some time at one of the best rehab clinics in America. He’ll receive the best treatment from the best doctors over the next few months. It’s going to be tough for him, but he agreed to it. Your uncle said he’d drive him to the clinic this Thursday.”

Rehab?

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “He’s really going to go?”

“Yes.”

Without another word, I wrapped my arms around Samuel and held on tight.

All I’d ever wanted was for my father to get help. All I’d ever wanted was for him to find his way out of the darkness.

“Thank you,” I whispered, feeling overwhelmed. “Thank you.”

*

When Thursday came around, I stood outside the auto shop while Alex loaded Dad’s suitcases into the back of his car.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you, Dad?” I asked, uncertain about them heading off to the clinic without me.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” He gave me a frown and scratched his beard. “Look, can we not make a big fuss about this? I ain’t no good at goodbyes.”

“Well, let’s not say goodbye,” I told him, pulling him into a hug. “Just good night until tomorrow.”

He pulled back and placed a hand on my shoulder. “My boy.”

“My dad.”

“I’ll see you on the other side,” he told me, going to climb into the car.

“Wait, Dad! Here,” I said, hurrying over to him. I took off the band on my wrist and handed it to him.

“Powerful moments?” he asked me.

“To help you get through the hard days.”

He thanked me. “That Harris girl? You really care about her?”

“I do.”

“Then take my advice…give yourself time to find yourself and give her time to find herself. If it’s meant to be, you’ll find your way back.”

“And if it’s not meant to be?” I asked.

He lowered his brows and chuckled with a slight shrug to his shoulders. “Just don’t drink the whiskey.” He smiled—something I hadn’t seen him do in such a long time. “When the time comes, you let her in, all right?”

“Will do.”

We said our last good nights before tomorrow, and I watched as my father drove away to find his own self.

It turned out self-discovery was a process that everyone continued to explore. One never stopped growing therefore, they never truly stopped discovering.

*

“So he’s safe and sound?” Grace asked over the phone as I lay in bed Thursday night.

“Yeah. Alex sent me a message to let me know they arrived.”

“How do you feel?” she asked me.

I took a deep inhale. “Free.”

“I was thinking I could come down this weekend to see you, or you could come up here. Either way, I’d love to see you if I can.”

I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. “I’m falling in love with you, Gracelyn Mae,” I confessed, feeling my chest tighten from saying the words. “I’m falling in love with every part of you, but before I can give you all of me, I think I need to learn more about myself. About my wants, my needs, before I can be what you deserve.”

“What do you mean?”

“My dad gave me a check, and it’s enough for me to explore the country for a little bit of time. I can stop places and find out who I am, and what I believe in. I can start healing the broken parts of me.”

She went quiet for a moment, and I was terrified she’d be against the idea. That she wouldn’t want to wait for me to explore the world. That perhaps, our time was up.

“Okay,” she said.

I sat up a bit. “Okay?”

“I mean, I haven’t really been alone, not really. I think it could be good for the both of us to take a few months and truly discover the ins and outs of our hearts and minds. Then, once we truly come together, it will be because we are two whole individuals, not two broken ones leaning against one another to keep from falling.”

“Exactly. We’ll learn to walk alone, and then we’ll walk together.”

“Can you let me know where you are every now and then? Can you check in with me to let me know you’re safe?”

“Always and always,” I told her.

She released a small sigh. “Those words…who do you think created them first? Your mother or my father?”

“I don’t know. I guess it’s one of those things, though. The origin of the saying doesn’t matter. All that matters is the meaning behind it.”

“I miss you already,” she confessed.

I fell in love with her some more.

“I miss you already,” I replied.

“Jackson?”

“Yes?”

“When you find you, come back to me.”

*

On the day I was leaving town, there was a knock on my front door. When I opened it, I saw a cage sitting on my porch with a ribbon on top of it along with a note.

Dear Jackson,

I know today marks the first day of your new adventures, and I wanted to send my love. Plus, how could one go on a road trip without a nice companion? This is Watson—Wats for short. He’s a three-year-old golden retriever who loves playing catch and riding in cars. He’s always wagging his tail, and he loves cuddles almost as much as I do.

I thought that even though you’re finding yourself, you shouldn’t ride in a car alone all the time. I don’t want you to think of this as a replacement to Tucker. Tucker was a good boy, and his love can never be replaced, but I think Watson can add a little more love your way. That’s the thing about love—there’s always room for more.

Here’s to new friendships and new beginnings.

-Gracelyn Mae

P.S. I’m falling in love with you, too.

I smiled at the note and read the words over and over again. I bent down and looked at the dog in the cage. He wagged his tail back and forth and stuck out his tongue.

“Hey, buddy,” I said, grinning. He was so handsome. When I opened the door on the cage, he leaped my way and began licking away at my face. “Whoa, slow down there, slugger.”

He kept licking, and I kept laughing. “Will you stop, stupid dog?” I joked, but he didn’t reply. That tail of his kept flying back and forth, and I finally surrendered to his love.

Good boy, Wats, I thought to myself, holding him closer. Good boy.

52

Grace

We gave each other space because we didn’t want to use one another as a crutch any longer. If we were going to be together, we’d first have to be whole on our own. I fell back into teaching, and when I wasn’t teaching, I was out and about trying new things.

For a while I thought I was the yoga type of girl until I got stuck in killer praying mantis for a good bit of time. I couldn’t paint or sketch at all. When late autumn came, Mama and I took a pole dance class. I wasn’t sure what was more disturbing—the fact that Mama loved it so much that she continued with the classes on her own, or the fact that she was ten times better than me.

Dad didn’t know what he was missing out on.

She laughed more, too.

I almost forgot how much I loved the sound of Mama’s laughter.

One late November night, I received a package in the mail with a novel and a Post-it note attached to it. My heart skipped as my fingers raced over the book cover, and then I read Jackson’s words.

I’m currently in Cave Creek, Arizona, watching the sunset with Watson.

The night before, I read this novel, and all I could do was think about you and what you’d think

of the words within the pages.

It’s a hard read, but worth it.

-Oscar

P.S. I learned I hate sushi.

*

I liked the ending but struggled with the middle. I cried, which isn’t surprising.

I still cry so easily.

Try this book.

It will break your heart.

-Princess

P.S. I hate sushi, too.

*

Alex sent me this read for Christmas.

If you read this book backward, it’s better.

-Oscar

*

I don’t know why I’m even sending this book, just skip to chapter five.

Chapter five is so good it makes up for all the other pages.

-Princess

*

Today I missed your heartbeats.

-Oscar

*

Today I missed your touch.

-Princess

*

It’s March 23rd.

Today I sat in California watching the sunrise, and I painted the sky.

You would love this place, Princess.

Or maybe I’d just love if you were here.

Tell me something I should know.

-Oscar

*

Something you should know?

That’s easy.

Today is April 4th, and I still love you.

-Princess

*

It’s May 3rd, and I still love you, too.

-Oscar