Piper settled behind her desk, hoping she could use logic to persuade Berni to give up her delusions. “Let’s look at the facts . . . You were in your stateroom with Howard when he had his heart attack.”

“But I wasn’t with him when he died. I told you. I’d slipped out of the ship’s infirmary to use the toilet, and then I fainted when that quack of a doctor told me he’d passed. Who knows what was in that casket they shipped back.”

If bureaucracy hadn’t gotten in the way of Berni seeing Howard’s body before he was cremated, none of this would be happening. “All right, Berni.” Arguing with her was futile, and Piper reached for her yellow pad. “Let me ask you a few questions.”

Berni gave her a smug smile. “You look very nice today, by the way. You should wear lipstick more often. And it almost looks like you combed your hair. You have beautiful, shiny hair, Piper. I know that eggbeater haircuts are fashionable now, but a nice pageboy would be more feminine.”

“Seriously, Berni, have you ever known me to give a crap about being feminine?”

“Well, no. But men seem to like you anyway. Not that you pay much attention. I still can’t believe you’re thirty-three years old and you’ve never been in love.”

“Freak of nature and waste of time.”

“Love is never a waste of time,” Berni asserted. “I’ve been wanting to ask . . . Are you a lesbian?”

“I wish.”

“I understand. Women can be so much more interesting than men.”

Piper nodded in agreement. She trusted her girlfriends a lot more than she’d ever trusted a boyfriend in the days when she’d still been interested in having a boyfriend. But this conversation wasn’t helping Berni get past her delusion. “Exactly when did you see the cheesehead guy?”

“Howard! And it was September fourth. Exactly sixteen days ago. It was game day for the Packers. I’d come out of the bookstore, and there he was. Sitting on a bench in the plaza watching the pigeons.”

“And wearing a foam cheesehead . . .”

Berni’s smugness vanished. “That’s what I can’t understand. Why would a Bears fan like Howard wear a cheesehead? I could have understood if he was wearing a Stars hat. He liked the Stars almost as much as the Bears.”

Considering the fact that Berni believed her husband had come back from the dead, his choice of headgear didn’t seem as though it should be the primary question. “Did he see you?”

“He sure did. I called out his name. ‘Howard!’ He turned, and all the blood drained right from his face.”

Piper clicked her pen. “You were close enough to see that?”

“Maybe it only seemed that way. But one thing I do know . . . He recognized me, because he got up right away and ran off. I tried to follow him, but with my hip, I couldn’t catch up.” Her face crumpled. “Why would he do that? Why would he run away from me like that?”

Piper dodged that question and posed another instead, one she would ask if this were a legitimate case. “Were you and Howard having any marital troubles while you were on the cruise?”

“We bickered. What couple doesn’t? That man refused to take care of himself, and you should have seen him on the ship, loading up on bacon and bakery. He knew exactly how I felt about that. But we loved each other. That’s why losing him has been so terrible.”

Even though Piper wasn’t a romantic herself, she didn’t doubt the love Berni and Howard had. She also didn’t envy it. Men were a lot of work, and when Piper’s past relationships had burned out, she hadn’t been all that bummed. Then her father had gotten sick, and she’d lost interest in everything but work. She had more than enough complications in her life without adding a man to it.

She asked Berni a few more questions and promised she’d investigate. Berni’s gratitude made her feel like a fraud, and to ease her conscience, she took a detour past Lincoln Square on her way home.

The brick plaza held its customary assortment of kids, couples, young mothers pushing Maclaren strollers, and a few oldsters, none of them wearing a foam cheesehead and none of them bearing the slightest resemblance to Howard Berkovitz. She felt ridiculous even looking, but she wanted to face Berni with a clear conscience. As for Berni’s one hundred dollars . . . She’d take her out for a great dinner.

***

The next day, a friend of a friend of Jen’s called. She thought her boyfriend might be cheating. Piper was glad to have a new client, but unfortunately, the boyfriend was stupid, and that same night Piper snapped a photo of him going into a motel with his other girlfriend. Case solved in less than twenty-four hours. Heartbroken client. Minimal money.

As she was locking up her office on Wednesday evening, six days after Graham had busted her, his legal eagles left another message for her to ignore. Who said denial was a bad thing?

She’d parked her car near the modest green-and-black sign for Dove Investigations that hung over her office door. A Dodge Challenger pulled into the space next to her. The door opened and a man got out. A very good-looking man wearing jeans and a T-shirt over a torso of rippling muscles. She didn’t recognize him until he pulled off his sunglasses. Mirrored, naturally. “Hi, Piper.”

It was Hottie. She eyed him warily. “Officer.”

“Eric.”

“Okay.”

He rested his hips against the fender and crossed his arms over his too-sculpted chest. “Want to get some coffee or something?”

“Why?”

“Why not? I like you. You’re interesting.”

At least he didn’t say she was cute. She hated that. “Nice to hear,” she told him, “but I’m not too crazy about you.”

“Hey. I was just doing my job.”

“Sucking up to Cooper Graham?”

He grinned. “Yeah, that was pretty cool. Come on. Twenty minutes.”

She thought about it. Unlike her father, she didn’t have any close contacts in the police department, and if by some miracle she could stay in business, she’d need a few. She nodded abruptly. “Okay. Let’s go. I’ll follow in my car.”

As it turned out, their coffee date lasted nearly an hour. She wasn’t completely surprised by his interest. Good-looking guys had started coming on to her when she’d been a freshman in college. At first, she’d been confused by their attention, but she’d eventually figured out her lack of interest was what attracted them. One of her short-term boyfriends had told her that hanging with her was like hanging with the guys.