Kevin was braver than most. He did flips and cannonballs. He stepped off backward. He cartwheeled into the abyss. By the end of the day, we had all taken the plunge, except for Justin.

He’d spent the first ten minutes making excuses. “The water’s too cold” and “I think I’m getting sick” and “Dude, I think Carson peed in the pool.” Eventually, he flat out said, “I’m scared of heights,” and left for the snack bar.

I had been scared, too. But when my turn came, I asked Decker to jump with me and he did. Poor Justin. Being a guy, asking someone to jump with him was like asking someone to hold his hand.

“Justin,” I cut in. They all seemed surprised that I was speaking during my own story. “Why’d you do it?”

He curled his lips in. “Why’d I do what?”

“Go after Decker. I mean, that’s not really like you.”

“Excuse me?”

Everyone was looking at me now. I lowered my voice. “Well, you’re not brave.” I didn’t mean it in a bad way, just stating a fact. I just wanted to know how the brain worked. If maybe I would’ve saved them, too. If we could be more than who we were destined to be.

Carson laughed. “Fantastic. I’m kinda glad we saved your life.”

“Me, too,” said Janna.

With the exception of Justin, they all nodded. A silent reminder that I was forever indebted to them all.

“Gee, thanks, Delaney. I guess I’m braver than you thought, huh?” Then he tilted his can of beer back and kept drinking until it was empty.

I got bored pretty quickly. I couldn’t believe this was what I’d begged Mom to let me out for. Hearing about the worst day of my life repeatedly, sipping lukewarm beer. And Justin kept watching me with narrowed eyes. I left to use the bathroom behind the kitchen, and when I came out, Justin was standing next to the cooler, waiting for me.

He stumbled toward me and grabbed my shoulder. “I lied,” he said, his face inches from my own, his breath reeking of alcohol. “I didn’t do it because I was brave. I did it because I was a coward. Just like you thought.”

I leaned backward, but Justin didn’t let go. “No, Justin, you were a hero. I’m sorry I said anything.”

He gripped harder. “No. I was scared shitless. Turns out, I was more scared of losing Decker than of losing you.”

I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed myself backward out of his grip and stumbled into the far wall. Time to go.

I left Justin in front of the cooler as he searched through the ice for another drink. He was not any greater than himself. Turns out, even when it seems otherwise, people are who they are.

I grabbed my coat and went to find Decker. He wasn’t on the couches, in the living room, or in the kitchen. Must be in the other bathroom. I started down the narrow, wood-paneled hall, but stopped when I heard Tara giggle.

I could only see her back. She was facing the corner, and Decker was wedged in the darkness, next to the bathroom. I grinned and stepped forward to rescue him from Tara, but then she raised herself onto her toes. Just like I should’ve, could’ve done in Decker’s house. And Decker looked down at her and brushed his lips across hers. All casual. Like it was no big deal. Like he had done it a thousand times before.

And then he smiled at her and put his hands on her face and ran his fingers through her hair. And this time Tara didn’t raise herself onto her toes. This time Decker put his hands on her back and pulled her close and lowered his mouth and kissed her. He wasn’t drunk and he kissed her. He brought me here and he kissed her. Correction: he was still kissing her.

The two drinks in my stomach churned and the acid in my gut rose upward and I put my hand over my mouth because I thought I might throw up. I took a step backward and bumped into some antique wall table thing and knocked over a lamp, scattering what little light there was around the hall.

Decker looked up. He looked up and his mouth fell open. He moved it to say something, but I didn’t hear him because I fumbled around the hall until I found a door and I pushed it open and I was gone.

Chapter 8

I emerged to ice and darkness. I was out back, near the lake. The moon was hidden behind clouds, but the lights from the party illuminated the backyard. There was just enough light for me to make out the slope of the hill through the trees. And if I could get through the trees and down the hill, I could find the path. If I could find the path, I could make it home. I stumbled down the snow-covered slope, bracing myself against tree trunks as I went, until I reached the bottom. My feet were soaking and cold. I hadn’t planned on needing snow boots.