“You need rest, too, Christian. Go home. You look exhausted.”

“I’m not leaving you. I’ll doze in this armchair.” I can ease up on my vigil for a little while.

She scowls, then smiles as if she’s had a mischievous idea and shifts over. “Sleep with me.”

What! No way! “No. I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me. Please, Christian.”

“You have an IV.”

“Christian. Please.”

It’s so tempting. I shouldn’t…but I can hold her, and my urge to hold her supersedes my common sense.

“Please.” She lifts the blankets, inviting me into her bed.

“Fuck it.” I slip out of my shoes and socks and climb into my wife’s bed, facing her. Gently, I put an arm around her, and she lays her head on my chest.

Oh. The. Feel. Of. Her.

Ana.

I kiss her hair. “I don’t think Nurse Nora will be very happy with this arrangement.”

Ana giggles and stops abruptly. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”

“Oh, but I love that sound.” And I love you, Ana. With all my heart. “I’m sorry, baby. So, so sorry.” I kiss her once more and inhale her scent. I catch a trace of my Ana. She’s there, beneath the chemicals.

My wife. My beautiful wife.

She rests her hand on my heart, and I place my hand on hers and close my eyes.

“Why did you go see that woman?”

“Oh, Ana,” I groan. “You want to discuss that now? Can’t we drop this? I regret it, okay?”

“I need to know.”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” I mutter, too tired to be pissed about her question. “Oh, and Detective Clark wants to talk to you. Just routine. Now go to sleep.” I kiss her hair again.

“Do we know why Jack was doing all this?”

“Hmm…” I murmur as sleep beckons, hard and fast. And after hours and hours of worry, regret, and exhaustion, I submit, and fall into a deep, dreamless slumber.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Ana is out cold. I can’t wake her. Wake up, Ana. Wake up. Elena struts over to sit down beside me. She’s naked but for long, tight leather gloves that stop just above her elbows. And her black stilettos with red soles. She takes my hand. No. Her fingers clasp my thigh. No. Don’t touch me. No more. Only Ana. Her eyes blaze in anger, but the fire in them dies. Defeated, she stands. Clothed now in black. Good-bye, Christian. She flips her hair to the side and stalks to the door without looking back. I turn. Ana is awake, smiling at me. Join me. Sleep with me. Stay with me. My heart soars. Her words bring me joy. She caresses my cheek. Stay with me. Please. She begs. How can I resist? She loves me. She does. And I love her.

When I wake, it takes me a moment to remember that I’m in Ana’s hospital bed. She slumbers at my side, facing me, her head on the pillow. Eyes closed, lips parted, her cheek pale except for the faint purple blemish from Hyde’s cruel blow. The sight of it twists my gut in anger.

Don’t dwell, Grey.

She’s here. She’s safe.

I blink the sleep from my eyes, feeling rested but grimy. I’m in dire need of a shower, a shave, and clean clothes. My watch says 6:20 a.m. I have time. Now that Ana’s back in the world of the living, I don’t mind leaving her for a little while. With any luck, she’ll continue to sleep until I return. Carefully, so as not to wake her, I slide out of bed and slip on my shoes. I brush my lips to her forehead in the semblance of a kiss, then grab my phone, charger, and jacket and tiptoe out of the room as if I’m fleeing a crime scene.

I’m doing the walk of shame.

The thought amuses me.

We’re married, for fuck’s sake.

Fortunately, Nora and her colleagues are not at the nurses’ station, so my escape is unnoticed.

It’s my lucky day—there’s a cab waiting at the entrance of the hospital, and no photographers. And because it’s early, I make good time to Escala. By the time the elevator doors open to the penthouse, my mood is buoyant.

Taylor is in the foyer, on his way out. He steps back, mouth open, surprised to see me, but he recovers quickly. “Mr. Grey. Welcome back.”

“Good morning, Taylor.”

“I would have picked you up—I was bringing you a change of clothes as per Mrs. Grey’s instructions, and The Seattle Times.” He brandishes a leather duffel.

“It’s fine. I need a shower. We’ll head back when I’m done.”

“Yes, sir. I’ll ask Sawyer to join us.”

“We’ll pick up some breakfast for her on the way.”

He nods.

The steaming water cascades over me.

Washing away my sins.

Damn. After all that I’ve done, I wish it were that simple. And to cap it off, Ana wants to know everything about my discussion with Elena. What the hell am I going to tell her?

The truth, Grey.

She’s not going to like it. But I owe her that, especially considering my recent awful behavior. My effervescent humor fizzles and dies. While I shave, I contemplate the asshole who stares back at me in the mirror.

You owe her more than that.

After all that Ana’s done for you.

She saved your sister.

She saved YOU.

I close my eyes.

It’s true. This woman has disarmed me at every turn. She’s broken through all my barriers, cracked me wide open, and shined her light inside. She doesn’t take any of my shit. She’s driven out my darkness like the warrior she is—and offered me hope because she loves me. I know it.