Full Package Page 6
She taps a finger to her lips. “Manly tasks can be helpful. Plus, I have at least two dozen unopened champagne bottles crying out for your attention.”
I pump a fist. “Does that mean you’ll take that roommate ad down? Like, now?”
She grabs her phone and removes the ad. Like that, we take the aspirin to fix the problem, and we don’t even need to call the doctor in the morning.
3
From the pages of Josie’s Recipe Book
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Josie’s Swedish Fish Rolls
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Ingredients
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1 tablespoon butter
12 marshmallows
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(But please, use the gelatin-free kind, because gelatin = gross. And as my friend Spencer says, beef candy is not a thing.)
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2 cups puffed rice cereal
4 Fruit Roll-Ups
Swedish Fish
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(The number of Swedish Fish is up to you. My rule of thumb is as many Swedish Fish as you need for the recipe, allowing for the fact that you will eat them as you make the sushi because Swedish Fish are delish.)
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Directions
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1. Melt butter in a medium saucepan over low heat and add marshmallows. Stir marshmallows until completely melted.
* * *
Speaking of melted, that’s not at all how I feel around Chase Summers, no matter how good-looking he is. I swear that man does not melt me. He does, however, entertain me, and that’s one of the many reasons I suggested we move in together. Living with Chase will be like having HBO on all day. Except, you know, minus the nudity. Unless I peek at him in the shower. And I’m totally not going to do that.
* * *
2. Add cereal and coat thoroughly.
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3. Roll out the fruit roll-ups. Place 1/4 of the coated cereal onto each fruit roll-up and spread across.
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4. Place a line of fish on the coated cereal.
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5. Roll up the fruit roll-up with the crispy treat and the fish inside. Gently. Sushi candy needs a subtle, sensual touch.
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6. Place a sharp knife into a bowl of very warm water. Slice. Serve.
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7. Share with a friend.
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Optional step: Pat self on back for having the most excellent idea of sharing an apartment with a good friend who makes you laugh and helps your business. We are such a great fit.
4
Josie and I walk across town like two conquering generals who joined forces on the battlefield of New York real estate. Now we put the carnage behind us as we lay down the law of our new future.
Since she and Natalie took over a month-to-month lease from Charlotte when she moved out, we’ll be paying some dude named Mr. Barnes. He owns the place, and Charlotte paved the way to transfer her lease when she left. Don’t let anyone tell you New York real estate isn’t about luck and who you know.
“I don’t have a lot of rules, but I’ll be frank. I don’t like dirty socks, so please don’t be a slob,” Josie tells me as her sandals click on the sidewalk en route to her place in Murray Hill. Her short little skirt shows off her bare legs, toned from the soccer rec league she plays in. Even though I’m not checking out her legs. Her strong, shapely legs.
I scoff. “I’m basically the neatest guy around.”
She gives me a side-eyed stare. “And you’re straight?”
I hold up my hands. “Woman, straight men can be clean. Do not stereotype.”
She laughs and elbows my side as we stroll east. “I’m teasing. I know both things about you. Your straightness and your cleanliness, Doctor McHottie,” she says as we pass a flower shop. The nickname nearly halts me in my tracks, but before I can ask why she called me that, and if she does really think of me that way, she’s moved on to a new topic. “As for music, noise, TV, and all that jazz, all I ask is we be respectful of each other. I do wake up early to open the bakery, and I need a solid seven hours of sleep or I’m a total witch.”
“You? A witch? I doubt it.”
She cackles and curves her fingers into claws. “Complete with the pointy hat and black cat if I don’t sleep well.”
“I won’t disturb your slumber with heavy metal, or playing my audiobooks out loud,” I say as we reach the crosswalk and wait for the little man in the sign to turn green. “Besides, I’m all about the earphones, anyway. My relationship with my headphones is quite possibly the longest one I’ve had.”
That trumps the year-long one with my ex, a fellow doctor named Adele, and even that lasted about eleven months longer than it should have. A dark cloud hovers at the edge of my thoughts; I don’t like thinking about the girl who was my closest friend once upon a time. I basically try to never think of Adele, if I can help it.
“We’re on the same page about hours, cleanliness, and cooking, and our schedules fit well together,” Josie says, as we separate briefly to give room to a harried mom charging through the evening crowds with a stroller. “Oh, and rent is due on the first of the month to Mr. Barnes, and if you want to move in right away, that would be awesome.” She seems a little guilty, like maybe she feels bad asking me to move in so soon. But hell, I’m effectively a homeless guy, so her speed-is-of-the-essence offer sounds good.
“I can be in this weekend,” I say.
“Thank God,” she says, exhaling deeply. “I have to admit, I took out a loan a few months ago to expand the bakery, and I’ve been stretched a bit thin between payments and rent each month. It’s doable, but I just really need a roomie to spread the cost. That’s why I’m so glad you can do this. You’re saving me. I don’t know what I’d do without you stepping up like this.”