“Oh?”

“My mom kept asking where you were and how you are, and then True—my sister—wanted to know who you were, because she hadn’t heard of you before. Then my dipshit brother told her you were my girlfriend, and all hell broke loose.”

Hollis slowly shakes her head; I’m well aware that she’s well aware of the family dynamic. “I can only imagine.”

“It only got semi-bad when I told my mom we dry humped.”

The wine Hollis has in her mouth gets projectile spit into the warm bath water, dripping from her gaping mouth once she composes herself. “What did you just say?”

“I said, it only got semi-bad when I told my mom—”

“I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.” She splashes me with a spray of water that gets on the floor behind me.

“Hey! Watch it—don’t make more work for the Grime Busters!”

“Do not try to deflect. Oh god, I want to drown myself.” She sinks below the surface as I just did, and I can hear a muffled UGH that’s only partly silenced by the water.

Her head pops up, but just enough so she can breathe, her dark hair falling in her eyes. “Make it go away.”

I smirk. “You’re being really dramatic. It’s just dry humping—I told her there was no penetration.”

“At the dinner table?”

“I mean.” I shrug. “Yeah, ‘cause we were at dinner.”

“You said ‘no penetration’ at the DINNER table.”

“Why are you yelling?” I whisper. Because she’s yelling and I don’t know what the fuss is about.

“Don’t act like saying hump and penetration at a nice supper with your entire family is not a big deal.”

“The point is, I made it clear to my mother that there was zero fucking in her house. Rest assured, I put her mind at ease.”

The things I do for her. How has she not fallen in love with me yet?

“Did you? Did you put her mind at ease?” Her eyes are narrowed into dangerous slits, water dripping from her hair and lashes, and mouth, because she’s still partially submerged. “I don’t even want to know what your sister thinks of me.”

Angry and wet and half underwater.

“True was laughing. Don’t worry, she thought it was funny.”

“Was she? Was she laughing?”

“Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“Repeating everything I say, but twice. It’s weird.” She sounds maniacal, and I’m worried she will somehow find a way to Lifetime Original Movie me dead inside the tub, with no weapon—merely a wet set of hands.

“Gee, I don’t know—probably because you prematurely told everyone I was your girlfriend, which was a lie. Then we prematurely went to your folks’ house to lie some more.”

I giggle.

Hollis rolls her eyes. “You’re an idiot.”

“What! You said premature twice! What was I supposed to do, just sit here and not laugh?”

Her head does a slow shake. “Unbelievable.”

Oh whatever, drama queen. “You’re lucky I didn’t say what was on the tip of my tongue. You’re welcome.”

If Hollis rolls her eyes any more tonight, they’re likely to get stuck up in her skull. “What was on the tip of your tongue? Now I have to hear it.”

“I was gonna say…at least there was no premature ejaculating before I lied about you being my girlfriend—WHAT! STOP SPLASHING ME!”

There is water everywhere now, and I can’t very well make her clean it up considering she’s the guest and I’m the butthole who drew her the bath in the first place.

God I love myself for using the word butthole causally in a sentence, even if that sentence was only in my head.

21

Hollis

“Wanna see something cool?”

We’ve been in the bathtub a little over an hour, running the water when it gets cooler and talking, and all the while I’ve been admiring Buzz’s long legs. Tan skin, dark hair. Even his knees are handsome.

“You better not be talking about your penis.”

He looks guilty. “I’m not, but now that you mention it, my penis is pretty cool.”

He’s not kidding—his dick is incredible. In looks and feels.

I’m tempted to stick my toe in his crotch and tease his balls, but I’m afraid he’ll get a raging hard-on and want to have sex, and I’ve already been scolded three times for getting water on the floor.

Sex would make the minor splashing seem like the first drop right before a dam bursts.

The water is inches from the rim of the bathtub, and while it’s neat when he puts on the ceiling spout, it’s distracting and gets water in my face. Not as relaxing as I thought it would be when he first had it rain down on us.

So we leave it off and use the traditional faucet to warm ourselves, my skin positively wrinkled.

“My hands look like Betty White’s hands.” I hold them up: prunes.

“I’d still take a handy from those.” His wicked smile makes my stomach flip.

His dick is incredible…

I look at it through the water, the depth making it hard to see. Plus, Buzz whined and whined until I caved and let him sink another bath bomb into the tub, creating an eggplant-emoji-colored haze.