For the first time ever, pride illuminated his face when I held the organ up.

And then his expression darkened. “Now shove it in her mouth.”

Vomit churned in my gut as I held her chin down and did what he asked.

I was positive I couldn’t take anymore, but he wasn’t finished quite yet.

“Cut off her finger.”

A wave of dizziness washed over me and the knife slipped several times before I finally severed her pointer finger and dropped it into his gloved hand.

“Very good.” A smile twisted my father’s lips as he took the knife from me and placed it, along with the finger, into a zip-lock bag. “I’ll make a man out of you yet, boy.” He pointed to her body. “Now place your head on her stomach and sob. That’s how I want the police to find you.”

I did as he instructed, silently praying my mother would forgive me for my sins.

That she’d understand.

I recoiled when he reached into the pocket of my jeans and pulled out the yellow ribbon.

“It’s mom’s,” I lied, hoping like hell he would believe me.

Because if he knew the truth, it would be one more thing he could use against me.

One more punishment he’d force me to endure.

Another thing he could take away from me.

My father didn’t say a word as he stood and tucked the ribbon into the breast pocket of his suit.

I hated him. So much I could feel it immersing in my marrow.

The only thing that gave me any kind of solace was knowing that I’d eventually get revenge.

And one day…I’d kill him.

Chapter 45

Aspen

“Anyway,” Knox states, his voice gruff. “After Shadow died, I knew something wasn’t right. I thought maybe it was a warning from…someone.” He runs a hand over his scalp and sighs. “But when I found the fingers buried in the backyard…I knew it was my father and he was preparing to set me up.”

Oh, God.

I want to reach over, pull him to my chest, and console him—because what he’s been through is so much worse than I could have ever conceived—but Knox shakes his head.

Respecting his request to not be touched right now, I sink against the seat.

Everything about him makes so much sense now. His standoffish behavior, the way he never lets anyone inside, the rumors going around school…even the way he has sex.

He needs the pain and to feel in control when he fucks.

Knox turns his head and gazes out the window, almost like he can’t bear the thought of looking at me anymore because he’s shown me his demons.

But I’m not judging him…because none of this was his fault.

He was just a boy.

“You’re not a monster.” Grabbing his chin, I force him to look at me because I need him to understand. “You didn’t deserve what happened to you.” He tries to turn away, but I don’t let him. “What I feel for you hasn’t changed.”

It will never change.

“Then you’re stupid,” he mutters.

“I’m many things, but stupid isn’t one of them.”

I glance at the clock on the dashboard of his jeep. The bus leaves in twenty minutes, but the questions I have keep piling up with every second that passes.

I wonder why he never told anyone about the abuse? Although, now that I think about it, it’s obvious. His father is a powerful FBI agent and instilled fear from the moment Knox took his first breath.

But still, you’d think someone would have noticed. A nurse, a teacher, a relative…

My mind flits back to what he said earlier.

“Before, you said you thought it was a warning from someone. Who?”

He brings a cigarette to his mouth. “You should go.”

The way he’s dismissing me churns my insides. It’s clear he knows something important.

“Knox.” My blood pressure rises because I need him to tell me. “Who did you think killed those girls?”

His expression turns hard and a stream of smoke wafts through the air. “Leo.”

It takes everything in me not to laugh. Leo isn’t a saint, but he’s definitely not a murderer. The man wouldn’t hurt a fly.

“Why in the world would you think it was Leo?”

His casts me a sad glance and that only makes this dreadful feeling forming in the pit of my stomach worse.

“Because he isn’t who you think he is, Aspen.” His jaw sets. “And he’s killed before.”

What? I clutch the duffle bag again, bracing myself.

“What do you mean he’s killed before? Who?”

The groove in his forehead deepens and sorrow colors his face. The fact that he’s looking at me with so much pity after what he just shared sends bile surging up my throat.

“Leo shot your father.”

The words are like a bullet piercing my skin, puncturing my insides until I’m bleeding out.

But I don’t want to believe it.

“No.” I shake my head vehemently, unwilling to accept it. Leo was my dad’s best friend and my dad loved him.

“You’re lying.” Blood rushes in my ears as I glare at him. I don’t know why Knox thinks this, but he’s wrong. “The man who shot my father confessed. Leo told me he didn’t even try to deny it when the police tracked him down at his house.” My hand flies to my chest. “Hell, the bastard said he deserved it when they dragged him out in cuffs.”

The anger is back on Knox’s face as he punches the steering wheel. “Leo lied, Aspen.”

“What makes you—”

“Because I overhead Leo and my dad talking about how he shot him and my dad covered it up. My dad even found a suspect to pin it on. Some old guy who lived in a trailer park with a history of violence and schizophrenia.” A muscle in his jaw bunches. “It didn’t make sense to me because my uncle and your dad were friends. At first, I thought it was just about the money and Leo being greedy, but then it became clear there was another component.”

“What other component?”

But he doesn’t even need to tell me because something clicks painfully in my mind.

Me.

My breath stalls, and my eyes fill with moisture. I feel so sick. So gross and disgusting. Even though my dad’s death isn’t my fault, I can’t help but feel like it is.