I looked around and found CeeCee standing over by Adam’s car. I called, “Hey, Cee. Can I come over and spend the night at your house?”

CeeCee called back, “Sure. If you’ll tell me everything there is to know about this Jesse guy.”

“Nothing to tell,” I said. Because there really wasn’t. Jesse was gone. And I had a pretty good idea where he’d gone, too.

And there wasn’t a thing I could do about it.

chapter

eighteen

“Face it, Suze,” CeeCee said as she wolfed down her half of a cannoli we were sharing the next day at the feast of Father Serra. “Men suck.”

“You’re telling me,” I said.

“I mean it. Either you want them and they don’t want you, or they want you and you don’t want them—”

“Welcome to my world,” I said, glumly.

“Aw, come on,” she said, looking taken aback by my tone. “It can’t be that bad.”

I wasn’t in any sort of mood to argue with her. For one thing, I had only just, a little less than twelve hours later, gotten over my postshifting headache. For another, there was the little matter of Jesse. I wasn’t all that keen to discuss the latest developments there.

It wasn’t like I didn’t have enough problems. Like, for instance, my mom and stepdad. They hadn’t been too homicidal when they’d gotten home from San Francisco and discovered the shambles that had once been their home…not to mention the police summons. Brad was only grounded for life, and Jake, for going along with the whole party scheme—not to mention providing the alcohol—had his Camaro fund completely confiscated to pay whatever fines the party ended up costing. Only the fact that David had been safely at Todd’s the whole time kept Andy from actually killing either of his two elder sons. But you could tell he was totally thinking about it anyway…especially after my mom saw what had happened to the china cabinet.

Not that either Andy or my mom was particularly happy with me, either—not because they knew the busted-up china cabinet was my fault, but for not ratting my stepbrothers out in the first place. I would have intimated that blackmail had been employed, but then they would have known that Brad had something on me that was worthy of blackmail.

So I kept my mouth shut, glad that for once, I was more or less guiltless. Well, except where the china cabinet was concerned—though happily, no one but me knew it. Still, I knew I couldn’t shirk my culpability there. I pretty much knew where any future babysitting earnings were going to go.

I am pretty sure they were thinking about grounding me, too. But the feast of Father Serra they could not keep me away from, on account of how, being a member of the student government, I was expected by Sister Ernestine to man a booth there. Which was how I’d ended up at the cannoli stand with CeeCee, who, as editor of the school paper, was also required to put in an appearance. After the preceding evening’s activities—you know, massive brawl, trip to the nether-world, and then all-night gabfest accompanied by copious amounts of popcorn and chocolate—we were neither of us at our best. But the surprising number of attendees who plunked down a buck per cannoli didn’t seem to notice the circles under our eyes…perhaps because we were wearing sunglasses.

“Okay,” CeeCee said. It had been pretty dim of Sister Ernestine to put CeeCee and me in charge of a dessert booth, since most of the pastries we were supposed to be selling were disappearing down our throats. After a night like the one we’d had, we felt like we needed the sugar. “Paul Slater.”

“What about him?”

“He likes you.”

“I guess,” I said.

“That’s it? You guess?”

“I told you,” I said. “I like someone else.”

“Right,” CeeCee said. “Jesse.”

“Right,” I said. “Jesse.”

“Who doesn’t like you back?”

“Well…yeah.”

CeeCee and I sat in silence for a minute. All around us, mariachi music was playing. Over by the fountain, kids were batting at piñatas. The statue of Junipero Serra had been adorned with flowered leis. There was a sausage and peppers stand right alongside the taco stand. There were as many Italians in the church community as there were Latinos.

Suddenly, CeeCee, gazing at me from behind the dark lenses of her sunglasses, went, “Jesse’s a ghost, isn’t he?”

I choked on the cannoli I was scarfing down.

“Wh-what?” I asked, gagging.

“He’s a ghost,” CeeCee said. “You don’t have to bother denying it. I was there last night, Suze. I saw…well, I saw stuff that can’t be explained any other way. You were talking to him, but there wasn’t anyone there. And yet someone was holding Paul’s head under that water.”

I went, feeling myself turn beet red, “You’re nuts.”

“No,” CeeCee said. “I’m not. I wish I were. You know I hate stuff like that. Stuff that can’t be explained scientifically. And those stupid people on TV, who claim they can speak to the dead. But—” A tourist came up, drunk on the bright sunshine, the fresh sea air, and the extremely weak beer they were serving over at the German booth. He put down a dollar. CeeCee handed him a cannoli. He asked for a napkin. We noticed that the napkin dispenser was empty. CeeCee apologized. The tourist laughed good-naturedly, took his cannoli, and went away.

“But what?” I asked nervously.

“But where you’re concerned, I’m willing to believe. And some day,” she added, picking up the empty napkin dispenser, “you are going to explain it all to me.”

“CeeCee,” I said, feeling my heart start to return to its normal rhythm. “Believe me. You’re better off not knowing.”

“No,” CeeCee said, shaking her head. “I’m not. I hate not knowing things.” Then she shook the empty dispenser. “I’m going to go get a refill. You okay on your own for a minute?”

I nodded, and she went away. I don’t know if she had any idea how badly she’d shaken me. I sat there, wondering what I ought to do. Only one other living person knew my secret—one other person besides Father Dom and Paul, of course— and even she, my best friend, Gina, back in Brooklyn, didn’t know all of it. I had never told anyone else because…well, because who would believe it?