But not yet! This is a sweet scene. Because it really was a sweet thing, while it lasted.

Three chairs are moved onto the stage, to simulate movie theater seats.

PHIL WRAYSON:

I’ll see you all later.

Tiny comes bounding onstage in a new outfit, holding a movie theater bucket of popcorn.

JIMMY (EX-BOYFRIEND #5):

Tiny! Over here!

TINY (clearly excited about a date):

Hey!

JIMMY:

I hope these seats are good?

TINY:

Whenever I have a dream that takes place in a movie theater, if it’s a good dream, I am sitting in these exact seats.

They move to sit down, Tiny first. As he’s sitting down in his seat, he puts the bucket of popcorn on the seat next to him. Jimmy, thinking this means Tiny is going to keep it there, sits down in the seat next to it. Tiny realizes this too late, and keeps the bucket in between them.

JIMMY:

I’m so glad it’s summer. And I’m so glad we have a chance to hang out!

TINY:

Yeah! I mean, I went and saw you in Othello three times, and not once did I realize that you were—

JIMMY:

Queer as a flamingo in drag?

TINY:

Now, that’s acting.

We hear the start of a movie projector. They both go for popcorn at the same time. Their hands touch. There’s a brief charge, but then Jimmy pulls away.

JIMMY:

After you.

TINY:

No, after you.

JIMMY:

I insist.

Tiny takes a massive handful of popcorn. Then he realizes there’s no classy way of eating this. After Jimmy takes a more manageable portion, Tiny puts some back, to make his manageable, too.

This sets the tone for the number, which will be sung by a MOVIE STAR on the corner of the stage, in a spotlight and with a backdrop that should look like a movie screen. (Maybe, to make it clear, start by projecting the 9-8-7 test pattern on her like at the start of an old movie.) (Or him—the movie star can be whoever you want. For the movie, I’d like Anne Hathaway, but like in the Twelfth Night she did at Shakespeare in the Park, not her my-bad-haircut-killed-me performance in the Les Miz movie.)

As the movie star is singing, there should be elaborate romantic choreography between Jimmy and Tiny. At first, just flirtation over the popcorn. Some “accidental” hand touching. Some popcorn sharing—trying to throw it in each other’s mouth, etc. Some leaning. Finally, Jimmy moves the popcorn and takes the second seat. A kiss gets closer. At one point, Tiny goes in for it, but Jimmy’s just taken a mouthful of popcorn. It should be funny and sweet. The audience should forget that Jimmy is an ex. The audience should think there’s potential here. Because, of course, at the time Tiny wasn’t seeing Jimmy as a future ex. He was seeing Jimmy as a future.

[“CLOSE TO A KISS”]

MOVIE STAR:

The stage is set—

The lights are dim—

Just a gasp of distance

between you and him—

The last low word

has left your lips—

so it’s time to use them

to get your bliss . . .

Is there anything

better than this?

When you are close

so close

to a kiss?

One thought—

two minds

Two hearts—

one time . . .

The stage is set—

The lights are dim—

Just a gasp of distance

between you and him—

The last low word

has left your lips—

so it’s time to use them

to get your bliss . . .

Is there anything

better than this?

When you are close

so close

to a kiss?

Don’t take your time—

take his!

Because you are close

so close

to a kiss . . .

They kiss. It is Tiny’s first kiss. And Jimmy’s third.

It’s magical.

They pull apart. Then kiss again. And again.

The emotions rise in Tiny. He has to sing it.

TINY:

I like you!

Yes, you.

I really like you!

So much, too!

Yeah, it’s true—

I really, really like you.

I mean,

Really, really, really like you!

JIMMY (spoken):

I like you, too. And time goes by.

TINY:

I like you I like you I like you

I like you!

I like you!

I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-ike you!

JIMMY (spoken):

I like you, too. But maybe just maybe . . .

TINY

(getting really into it, not really hearing Jimmy):

I liiiii-ike you.

Oh yes.

Oh really.

I like you so so so so much.

JIMMY (spoken):

I like you, Tiny. But I’m not sure I like you in that

way.

TINY (spoken):

What?

We lead directly into the next number . . .

[“YOU’RE WONDERFUL! I DON’T WANT TO DATE YOU!”]

JIMMY:

You’re wonderful!

I don’t want to date you!

You’re amazing!

I would much rather be your friend!

You’re special!

So why ruin it?

You’re fantastic!

I’m not really sure you’re my type!

TINY (spoken):

What? Fantastic isn’t your type?

JIMMY:

You’re stupendous!

But I can’t take you seriously!

You’re incredible!

And it was bound to end eventually!

You’re the best!

And I don’t want to hurt you!