’cause now every day—

CHORUS:

—yes, every day—

TINY:

—is the sum-mer

of gay!

Fade to black. Or whatever color you like. If you can find a way to fade to pink or purple, please do.

ACT II, SCENE 6

When Tiny returns to the stage, he’s back in school clothes. Summer at Starstruck has given him what he needs—a sense that there’s somewhere he really, really belongs.

Now, don’t get me wrong—as you can see in the first act, my family was actually pretty cool about me being me. That’s important. But I wasn’t about to hang out with my parents for the rest of my life. I had to start making that second family, the one you choose once you’re given a choice. Starstruck made me see what that was like, on a limited-time basis. Now I had to start doing that at home.

TINY (spoken):

I came back to school ready to be the big gay star I was meant to be. The breakup with Joseph was the first one that made sense. We could have tried long distance, but I didn’t like long distance—I didn’t see the point of having a boyfriend if I couldn’t have him next to me. Joseph and I cried our summertime tears, for sure. But the thing about summertime tears is that you know they’re made out of summertime. They evaporate when the school year begins. Joseph and I had an honest discussion about this as we said good-bye. I thought, hey, this must mean I’m growing up.

And I wasn’t the only one who’d grown up. I returned to my high school to find that the rainbow had connected, big-time. I used to be able to count the number of gay kids on one jazz hand, but now there seemed to be more gay kids in our high school than there were minutes in Miss Saigon. I plunged right in.

EX-BOYFRIEND #7 enters. He looks like a lost puppy, but has the heart of a bitch.

TINY:

Evan was new to town. I showed him around. The tour included my bedroom.

Within two weeks, he wanted off my welcome wagon.

EX-BOYFRIEND #7 (reprise from “Parade”):

I’ve found another guy!

TINY (spoken):

He felt bad about it, but he had a crush on someone else. I’m sure I would’ve dwelt on it . . . but three days later, I found myself flirting for the first time during football practice. His name was Ramon. He’d been on my team since fifth grade.

EX-BOYFRIEND #8 enters and stands next to Ex-boyfriend #7. Bonus points if Ex-boyfriend #8 played a non-bully football team member from earlier.

TINY:

I thought we had so so so much in common. But he fumbled all of my passes, and soon I sensed his heart wasn’t in the game. It only took nine days for him to tell me he wanted to bring our relationship off the field. I begged him for an explanation.

EX-BOYFRIEND #8 (reprise from “Parade”):

I don’t have to tell you why!

. . . but as he sings the line, he takes Ex-boyfriend #7’s hand. They look each other lovingly.

TINY:

Evan and Ramon started dating the next week.

EX-BOYFRIEND #7 (sung):

I like you!

EX-BOYFRIEND #8:

I like you!

EX-BOYFRIENDS #7 AND #8 TOGETHER:

I like you so, so much!

They skip off the stage together. As they do, they pass Phil, who’s walking in.

PHIL:

Hey.

TINY:

Hey.

PHIL:

I heard about Ramon. And Evan. And I think you were maybe dating one of them? Or even both of them? Either way, that sucks.

TINY (coming slightly unhinged):

I don’t understand! What is the point of being the big gay star I was meant to be if nobody wants to date me past the first trimester? It’s like a cruel joke—to work so hard to be completely me, and then to feel so incomplete.

PHIL:

You don’t need to have a boyfriend to be complete. For example, I don’t have a girlfriend. And look at me.

TINY:

I know. Look at you!

Tiny gives Phil the once-over. It’s clear that he’s concerned.

PHIL:

If attacking me makes you feel better, I will allow you to do so for two more minutes. But only because you’ve just had either one or two boys break up with you.

TINY (shaking his head):

No. It’s not you I should be attacking. Clearly, it’s me.

PHIL:

That’s not what I meant.

TINY:

I’m repulsive!

PHIL:

You’re hardly repulsive.

TINY:

But I repel people!

PHIL:

Please tell me this pity party ends early. Or at least serves cake.

TINY:

I’m unlovable!

PHIL:

Your mommy and daddy and fwiends wuv you very much.

TINY:

But most of all, worst of all, I’m inadequate!

PHIL:

Inadequate.

TINY:

Inadequate! A boy may look my way, but he never stays longer than a few days. How is that supposed to make me feel?

PHIL:

But, Tiny—

TINY:

No, Phil. For just one moment, I want you to act like a girl. Be my friend, but be my friend like a girl would be my friend, not like a straight boy would be my friend. That’s the only way you’re going to understand.

I know I shouldn’t want it so much. I know I should be happy alone. But all I can feel is the missing piece. All I can feel is—inadequate! A boy may say he’s mine, but after a very short time, he forgets why.

PHIL:

Don’t be so hard on yourself!

TINY:

Sweet of you to say! But you know what? No matter how much I love myself, I’ll wonder why no one else will love me. No matter how loud I sing, I’ll wonder why there isn’t another voice there, singing right back.