I put my notebook aside and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge—close but far enough to be safely out of reach. She had her legs crossed and licked her lips nervously. My dick twitched. Fuck. I was such a lost cause.

The truth was dangerous. But I was tired of denying things. It had been so much damn work for so long.

“Let’s be real for a few minutes,” I said. “I’ll tell you my thoughts, and you tell me yours. Be brutally honest. Alright?”

Her chest heaved. “Okay…”

“I am extremely attracted to you, Teagan,” I said softly. “That’s the truth.” I let out a shaky breath. “It wasn’t instantly as strong as it is now. When we first met, I definitely looked at you more platonically. But something changed along the way. And now I constantly dream about what it would be like to be with you.”

She licked her lips again, and my dick stiffened even more.

“But you know why I haven’t done anything about it, right? There’s only one reason, and that’s that I don’t want to hurt you when I leave.”

“I get that.” She shifted on the bed. “Lately I’ve been catching you staring at me. I can’t help staring at you, too. I’ve always had a crush on you, but recently I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what it would be like, either.”

I gripped the sheet of paper in frustration. She’d made her position clear, but I still needed to confirm exactly what she meant.

“You mean, you can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be with me…sexually?”

She bit her lip and nodded. I was about to come undone.

Teagan looked tormented. “I don’t like feeling this way—very out of control,” she said. “Whenever you’re near me, my body reacts. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to explode if you don’t touch me.” She closed her eyes. “Oh my God. I can’t believe I just said that.”

My heart raced, and it took everything in me not to leap forward and take her lips. Still, I managed enough willpower to stop myself. I wanted to know something I couldn’t figure out without asking her directly.

“Can I ask you a personal question? And feel free to tell me to go fuck myself.”

“Yeah…okay.”

“Have you had sex before?”

She nodded.

For some reason, I thought she might be a virgin. Now that I knew she wasn’t, it made me wildly curious about the circumstances.

“Only one time,” she clarified. “I had sex on my senior prom night. I’d basically planned to lose my virginity—to get it over with. It was stupid, and I didn’t even…enjoy it.”

Enjoy it. “You didn’t come…”

She shook her head. “No. It hurt. And it was fast and over with before I knew it. He basically broke my hymen, and that was it.”

Her terminology made me chuckle. “Did the hymen breaker have a name?”

“Zach.”

“Zach is wack. A two-pump chump.”

She laughed. “I’m not sure it really counted.”

“It didn’t,” I insisted.

“How many girls have you slept with?”

Blowing out an exasperated breath, I closed my eyes, genuinely trying to recall. “Don’t laugh. But this is my best estimate.”

“Okay…”

“Fifteen.”

Her eyes widened. “Wow.”

“Approximately two per year since high school. A few were girlfriends. Most were just one-night stands, though. And I used a condom every single time, even with my girlfriends, because I don’t trust anyone.”

“Good to know.” She grinned. “I guess I have a lot of catching up to do.”

“No, no, no, no, you don’t.” The thought of her “catching up” made me ill. “But I am curious as to why there was never anyone else after the hymen breaker.”

Teagan stared off. “I’ve had a tendency to choose people I know I’m not going to lose my mind over. That ensures I never really get hurt. But in turn, I’m not attracted enough to anyone to sleep with him. It’s a fucked-up result of my background—somehow not wanting to be like my deadbeat mother, or worse, end up hurt like my father. I’ve fucked up every halfway normal relationship I’ve ever had because I wasn’t attracted to the person. And I’ve always shied away from people I am sexually attracted to.” She blinked a few times. “Guys like you.”

Shit. I tried to make light of it, though I was freaking out inside. “I make it hard to avoid me.”

“That’s the difference. I don’t want to avoid you. You make me feel safe, Caleb—like I could let myself go with you, like you wouldn’t judge me if I took a chance and fucked it all up.” Teagan rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m admitting all this.”

Her secrets were like a drug. She’d given me a little something, and I wanted more. Needed more.

My voice was gruff. “Don’t be afraid to tell me what you’re thinking. I want to know everything, even if I can’t do anything about it.” I leaned in closer to her on the bed. “I love when you open up to me, tell me things you don’t tell anyone else. We’ve told each other some major secrets. And I think our mutual attraction might be the biggest secret we’ve kept from each other.”