It felt like time slowed down considerably as I turned completely over to look at him, every muscle in my body tensing up and freezing. His eyes were locked on the screen and his jaw was loose.

"Tristan," I called out to him as I slapped my hands onto my jeans to rub off the soap, not even bothering to rinse them off.

I was going to puke. Oh my God. I was going to puke or pass out, and then hopefully I would have amnesia and not remember that this happened.

His eyes darted to mine as another low and completely overdone moan filtered through the speakers of my computer. "Is that you?" His voice was low and raspy, flicking his eyes back and forth from me to the screen.

I gulped and walked over to stand behind him, hating myself for keeping that stupid video on my computer. Why the fuck didn't I ever delete it? My neck ached with the pressure of my tensing.

"Yes," I squeaked out, looking at a topless, younger version of myself on the computer. Zoey's own topless form scooted on her knees over her old bed, back when she lived in her tiny studio apartment. It all seemed so surreal watching hands in long and short hair, mouth on mouth, stroking hands against exposed chests. It lasted all of five minutes, but it seemed like it was half my life played out before my eyes.

I found my mouth opening on its own volition as soon as the video ended abruptly. Tristan was looking down at the keyboard with his eyes clenched and his hand gripping his thigh. "I thought you said you never did porn," he whispered.

"I didn't, I mean I haven't," I heard the trembling, uneven tone of my voice. It was the same sound I made before I cried. "I told you Zo wanted to get into the industry. She tried going to some of those screenings that they have for new women, but no one ever called her back," I started to explain. "So, she thought that doing a homemade video and sending it to different places would work better. She didn't have a boyfriend, and I mean Zoey wasn't going to have sex with a random stranger back then. She even asked Josh if he could do her a favor and they kind of tried," I had to giggle a little at the memory of Josh and Zoey trying to kiss. It was probably the most visually awkward experience of my life. I'd laughed my ass off watching them fumble through just putting their lips together.

"It didn't work out, obviously. So, then she asked Nikki to do it, and she refused to because she was already in law school at the time." Don't throw up. "Nik has this birthmark on her shoulder blade that everyone can recognize so it wouldn't have worked, you know. She wasn't brave enough to risk it. Zoey asked me if I could do it for her," my throat felt so dry, I had to swallow. Tristan was still looking down but his free hand was now pulling at his hair. "I love Zoey, and I knew how badly she wanted it. I couldn't tell her no. I didn't want to do it. I really didn't want to do it, but I love her. How could I tell her no?” I rambled. “I couldn't. She'd do anything for me and I'd do anything for her."

My eyes stayed on his frozen frame. I knew I didn't do anything wrong and that he had no right to be upset if he was, but still. "It was so fucking weird and luckily, neither one of us wanted to ruin our friendship by doing anything too uncomfortable so we agreed just to keep our underwear on and our hands above our waists. It took a couple of weeks afterward for us to get back to normal, but Zo got what she wanted so I can't regret it, Mag. I'd give you my left lung if you needed it," I added, hoping to let him know that he was just as special to me as Zoey was.

My mouth kept spewing out words on its own. "It isn't on the internet or anything. Only the people she sent it to have seen it and—"

Two hands were on my waist tugging me forward to press me against his solid chest. He was clinging to me, pressing his mouth against mine so forcefully I thought my lips would bruise. When his tongue delved into my mouth and kissed me with more passion that I'd encountered in my life, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Kissing him and kissing him more, my mouth slanted so I could suck the tip of his tongue. Tristan was breathing hard through his nose, wrapping his arms so tightly around me that there wasn't an inch of space between our chests.