If I hadn't had Zoey in my life for so long I'd probably feel differently about porn in general. It would be harder to see people in the industry as just people. My Zoey, Zoey Quinn, was the goofiest, kindest, and most quirky person I'd ever met, and she was so much more than Zoey Star. What she did when she went to Los Angeles was such a small part of who she was I knew she could care less about the people she had put her tongue or fingers into. I'm sure she couldn't remember a quarter of the girl's names she'd met along the way. It was for that reason, that knowledge, that my heart and mind could accept Tristan for Tristan King and not just Robby. It also probably helped that I refused to look up his movies, because I'd probably end up crying with a tub of ice cream in my lap. Or, worse, my hummingbird in my hand while I cried my eyes out.

"I think it'll be good for me," he said in a soft voice, peering at me through those thick, dark eyelashes. "We'll have more time to spend together..." he trailed off, squeezing my hand.

My heart fluttered in my chest at his suggestion but the small — and I mean a very small — logical part of my brain told me not to over think his words. Things could change in an instant, I knew that from experience. I used to see Robby as a gigantic pain in my ass for making Tristan stay away from relationships, but now I worried that those reins that held him back were actually a blessing in disguise. Fuck! A blessing in disguise? Did I seriously want to just be someone's last choice? Did I want to be his best friend for the rest of my life? Or have him hang out with me only because I was the only idiot who accepted him for who he was?

"That's cool," I tried to tell him but my voice cracked at the end. "I hope you know that if you would rather hang out with other people, I'm okay with it." My heart broke a little at my words, but I knew I was doing the right thing. If I needed to distance myself so he could keep going with his life then I'd do it. I didn't want to be anyone’s burden or friend out of pity.

Tristan pulled his hand away to tug at the auburn ends of his hair with aggravation radiating from the pores of his skin. He didn't say anything as he kept driving closer and closer to his house. He pulled his car into the garage and quickly jumped out before opening the backdoor to let Yoda out. As soon as I was out of the car, he was already waiting for me and leaning a slim hip against his car. His hand was still gripping at his hair. "Kat... why would you think that I'd want to hang out with other people?"

My throat felt constricted all of a sudden, and I looked down at the concrete floor between us. "You could make more friends now that you wouldn't have to lie about Robby," I managed to say.

"Kat," he choked my name out in a gruff purr. "Do you think that I've spent all this time with you because I didn't have any other friends? I didn't want anyone in my life because of Robby because it was complicated, but obviously with you it's different," he sighed and brought up his hand to trace the seam of my shirt. "You're the only person I want to spend time with and nothing will change that, okay?"

I nodded silently, trying to take in his kind words that only confused me more. What did he really want?

"You matter to me," he said softly, dropping his hand to his side.

Chapter 41

"He's quitting?" Zoey asked slowly, her perceptive eyes narrowed in my direction.

I nodded and shrugged, spearing a broccoli stalk with my fork before slipping it into my mouth. The best way to handle a Zoey Inquisition, as I called it, was to be as nonchalant as possible. She was like a shark except that instead of sensing blood a mile away she sensed excitement, and then honed in for an attack. "He told me he was retiring Robby."