Chapter 26

Step 26: Trust.

Emma took an Uber to Alison’s place. By the time the driver pulled to the curb, she was crying so hard she could hardly see.

Alison opened the door before she knocked. “He’s such an idiot. Come in.”

“You know?”

“Yeah. He called to tell me what he did and I hung up on him for you.”

Emma choked out a laugh as she followed Alison inside, where they went straight to the kitchen. Alison pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer and grabbed two shot glasses.

They each tossed back a shot and Emma let out a pained breath as it burned all the way down, matching the fire already in her chest. “Okay, I feel a little better.”

“Liar.”

“Yeah.” What Simon had done had hurt her worse than everything she’d been through: the last year of recovery and physical therapy, losing the two people closest to her, having to change careers . . . everything. “I’m fine.”

“Then why are you still crying?”

“Dammit.” Emma covered her face. “I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop. I thought it was real.”

“It was real. It is real. His intentions are good, Emma, even if his timing and delivery sucked. He loves you.”

Emma shook her head. “A person who loves you doesn’t propose for monetary reasons. They propose because they love you so much they can’t imagine living another moment without you being theirs.”

Alison sat down next to her. “Okay, far be it from me to pretend to be an expert here, but play along with me. Maybe he really does love you, and he did what he did because he’s terrified of people walking out on him. If he told himself he was proposing to help you out with your surgery and it didn’t work out . . . well, that wouldn’t hurt as bad as proposing for love alone, only to find out you don’t love him enough to say yes.”

“I do love him enough. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Ouch,” Alison said in a teasing tone, hand to her heart.

“I’m serious.”

“I know. And this is serious. But some people”—Alison coughed and said “Armstrongs” at the same time—“need to hear ‘I love you’ more than once for it to sink in and really believe it.”

Emma just stared at her. “If I say something, I mean it.”

“Yes, but not everyone means it. Simon’s heard it before and then still been walked away from.”

Emma had known this, but she’d compartmentalized it. She’d taken the time to think about how her past relationships affected her, but she hadn’t thought about how Simon’s past relationships might’ve affected him.

“Emma—”

She held up her hand. “Processing. Hold, please.”

Alison gave her a minute, but apparently that was her limit. “In my family, we show our love by taking care of people. Think about all Simon’s done for the people in his life. For you, including giving up his apartment, trying to marry you so you’d be protected by his insurance . . . He’s a guy of action, Emma, not words.”

“And I love the actions. But I need the words too. Ned was all actions: romantic dinners, flowers, picnics . . . plenty of actions. But he never gave me any words at all. He didn’t even have the words to say ‘oh, by the way, our bed is now the bed I’m in with your former best friend.’” Emma shook her head. “I don’t want to be taken care of, I want to be loved.”

“I’m a dumbass,” Simon said, voice husky with emotion.

Emma whipped around to stare at him.

“A complete dumbass,” he said again, coming closer, until he stood before her, more serious than she’d ever seen him. “Regardless of the stupid way I went about it, I wasn’t proposing so I could take care of you, or because it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t trying to save you. Seriously, Emma, you’re the strongest woman I know. You’ve inspired me with your grace, your fire, your spirit. You don’t need me to save you, you don’t need anyone. I just want to be with you, at your side. Not as your crutch, but as the guy who’s lucky enough to be loved by you. Because nothing’s ever felt so right as being with you. I realize I did this backward, so let me fix that right now. I love you, Emma, to my soul and back. Period. I want to spend the rest of my life with you because I can’t imagine it without you in it.”

“Now see, that’s the way to propose,” Alison said. “Good to know us Armstrongs can eventually figure our shit out.”

Simon took his cousin by the hand and then pushed her out of the room.

“Hey, it’s my kitchen!”

Ignoring this, Simon shut the door and walked back to Emma.

“I’m going to be listening!” Alison said through the door.

“And that’s something else I should have mentioned,” Simon said, never taking his gaze off Emma. “My family, they’re a lot.”

“Oh my God,” Alison said. “I feel like I suddenly understand Ryan’s family on a core level. Who knew?”

Simon lifted a hand to the door, like See? A lot.

Emma snorted, and Simon smiled. “God, I love when you look at me like that, like you’re trying to crawl into my head. That’s always been thrilling.” He cupped her face. “And also, if I’m being honest, unnerving. No one’s ever done that before. It’s probably what made it easy for me to hold back. But with you . . .” He shook his head like he was a little awestruck. “Have you ever loved someone so much that when they smile at you, your heart stops? Because that’s how it is with you, Emma, from the first day I met you. You look at me like no one else ever has. You see the real me. You call me out on my bullshit. Even now, your beautiful eyes are holding me accountable, analyzing me without even trying to hide your own thoughts. Do you know how amazing that is?”

She slowly shook her head. “I didn’t know I was doing all that. I don’t know how to be any different.”

“I’m glad.” Simon paused, and his smile faded. “My life isn’t my own. There’s my dad. Armstrong Properties. And both those things are pretty demanding of my time. You’d have to be okay with that, which is something I can’t ask of you.”