Back at the Brotherhood's private clinic, Xhex stood at John's side while Doc Jane X-rayed his leg. Once the pictures were up, it didn't take the good doctor long to come to the conclusion that he had to be operated on-- and even Xhex, in spite of her usual panic at being where she was, could see the problem on the X-ray. The bullet was just too close to the bone for comfort.

While Jane called for Ehlena and then went to change into scrubs, Xhex crossed her arms over her chest and started pacing.

She could not breathe. And that had been true even before she'd taken a gander at what was doing with John's leg.

When he whistled softly at her, she just shook her head and kept moving, making a circle around the room. Turned out the trip by all the stainless-steel cabinets with their glass-front doors and their caged medications wasn't a big help: Her heart thundered even more in her chest, going all Bon Jovi on her--the pounding so loud her eardrums were getting an aerobic workout.

God, she'd been struggling since the moment she'd come in here with him. And now he was being cut open and then sewed back together?

She was going to fucking lose it.

Although honestly... if she tried to be logical about it, that was nuts. One, it wasn't her body getting worked on. Two, leaving that slug of lead in him was clearly not a good idea. And three... helllllllo... he was being treated by someone who'd already proven she knew her way around a scalpel.

Great rationalizations. All of which her adrenal gland middle-fingered and then carried right on.

Weren't phobias fun.

The second whistle was a demand and she stopped opposite John, lifting her eyes to his face. He was cool and relaxed. No hysterics, no freak- out, nothing but calm forbearance of what was coming.

I'm going to be fine, he signed. Jane's done this a million times before.

Jesus Christ, where the hell was all the air in this room, Xhex thought--

Like he knew he was losing her, he whistled again and held out his hand with a frown.

"John..." When no coherent words came, she shook her head and went back to the pacing. She hated this. She truly hated this.

As the door swung wide, Doc Jane came back in with Ehlena. The two were in the middle of a conversation about the procedure and John whistled at them. When he held up his forefinger to indicate he needed a minute, the females nodded and ducked out again.

"Shit," Xhex said, "don't stop them. I'll be all right."

As she headed for the door to call the doctor back in, a thunderous sound reverberated through the room. Thinking John had fallen off the gurney, she wheeled around--

No, he'd punched the stainless-steel table and left a dent in it.

Talk to me, he signed. And they're not coming in until you do.

She had the urge to argue and the vocabulary to do it--just not the voice, evidently. Try as she did, she couldn't manage to say a thing.

Which was when he opened his arms to her.

Cursing herself, she said, "I'm going to man up here. I'm going to so be twenty-one. You're not going to believe how tight in the head I'm going to be. Really. For real."

Come here, he mouthed.

"Oh... hell." Giving up, she went over and embraced him.

Into his neck, she said, "I don't do this medical thing well. In case you haven't noticed before. I'm sorry, John... damn it, I'm always letting you down, aren't I."

He caught her before she could pull away. Holding her in place with his eyes, he signed, You saved my life tonight. I wouldn't be alive right now unless you'd thrown that blade. So you aren't always letting me down--and as for this? I'm not worried and you don't have to watch--go and wait up at the house. It's going to be over quickly. Don't torture yourself.

"I'm not running scared." Moving quickly so she couldn't think too much and neither could he, she took his face in her hands and kissed him hard. "But maybe waiting outside is a good idea."

After all, she couldn't very well have Doc Jane stop in the middle to treat some pansy bystander with a case of the vapors. Or a concussion because the idiot had passed out cold on the floor.

Probably for the best, John mouthed.

Breaking away, she put one foot after the other to the door and let in Ehlena and Doc Jane. As the physician passed, Xhex grabbed the female's arm.

"Please..." God, what could she say.

Doc Jane nodded. "I got him. Don't worry."

Xhex took a shuddering breath and wondered how in the hell she was going to get through the wait out in the hall. Knowing the way her mind worked, she'd have John screaming silently in pain and Doc Jane removing his whole leg as the minutes dragged by--

"Xhex... mind if I suggest something?" Doc Jane said.

"Hit me. In fact... hit me. A good uppercut might help me pull it together."

Doc Jane shook her head. "Why don't you watch."

"What?"

"Stay here and watch what I do and how I do it and learn the whys. There are a lot of people who are terrified of medical situations--with very good reason. But phobias are phobias, whether it's an airplane or a dentist or a doctor--and exposure therapy works. Take the mystery out of it and the sense of not being in control? The fear can't get at you in the same way."

"Nice piece of logic. But what happens if I faint."

"You can sit down if you get dizzy and leave whenever you like. Ask questions and look over my shoulder if you're able."

When she glanced at John, his solemn nod sealed her fate. She was staying.

"Do I need scrubs?" she said in a voice that was utterly foreign.

Shit, it was so damn girly. Next thing you knew, she was going to start crying at TV ads and doing her nails. And getting a frickin' pocketbook.

"Yup, I'm going to want you in greens. Follow me."

When they came back five minutes later, Doc Jane took her over to the sink, handed her a sealed pack with a Betadine sponge inside, and showed her how to get properly cleaned.

"Good job." The doctor turned off the water by releasing a foot pedal down on the floor. "You won't need gloves because you're not going in."

"You got that right. Tell me, you have a crash cart around, just in case I go over?"

"Right in the corner and I know how to use those paddles." Doc Jane snapped on blue gloves and went over to John. "You ready? And we'll be putting you under. Given where the bullet is, I'm going to have to go deep and there's no way in hell I'll be able to get you numb enough."

Gas me, Doc, John signed.

V's shellan put her hand on his shoulder and stared right into his eyes.

"I'm going to fix you, don't worry."

Xhex frowned and found herself in awe of the female. To be that sure and certain, given what was at stake, was pretty amazing: If Doc Jane didn't do her job right, John could be way worse off than he was now. But if she pulled it off, he would be good as new.

This was power, Xhex thought. And the polar opposite of what she did in her profession--a knife in her hand was a very different instrument.

No healing there.

Doc Jane began a running commentary, her voice strong and calm. "In a human hospital, you'd have an anesthesiologist present, but you vampires tend to be very stable under heavy sedation--it flips you into a kind of dormancy. I don't understand it, but it makes my job easier."

As she spoke, Ehlena helped John take off both his shirt and the leathers Doc Jane had cut up; then the female spread blue cloths over his nakedness and started an IV.

Xhex tried to stop her eyes from bouncing around and largely failed. There was too much threat in the place, all those scalpels and needles and...

"Why?" Xhex asked, forcing herself to respond. "The difference between the species, I mean?"

"Not a clue. You have a six-chambered heart and we have a four. You have two livers, we have one. You don't get cancer or diabetes."

"I don't know much about cancer."

Doc Jane shook her head. "Would that we could beat that thing in everyone who gets it. Bastard fucking disease it is, I'll tell you. What happens is a cellular mutation occurs whereby..."

The doctor kept talking, but now her hands were moving around on the stainless-steel tables that had been rolled over to John, organizing what she was going to use. When she nodded at Ehlena, the female went to John's head and covered his face with a clear plastic mask.

Doc Jane went to his IV with a syringe full of something milky. "You ready, John?" When he gave a thumbs-up, she depressed the plunger.

John glanced over to Xhex and winked. And then he was out like a light.

"First thing is disinfection," Doc Jane said, opening up a packet and taking out a dark brown sponge. "Why don't you stand opposite from me? This is Betadine, the same stuff we washed our hands with, just not in a soap form."

As the doctor scrubbed around the bullet wound in wide streaks, leaving John's skin tinged reddish brown, Xhex walked around his feet in a daze.

Actually, this was a better position. She was right next to an orange bio-hazard bin--so if she needed to throw up, she was good to go.

"The reason the bullet has to be removed is because it's going to cause trouble over time. If he were a less active guy, I might leave it in. But I think being extra-conservative in a soldier is best. Plus you guys heal so fast." Doc Jane discarded the sponge in Xhex's bin. "Based on my experience with you, any injury to the bone will regenerate by tomorrow night."

Xhex wondered if the doctor or the nurse was aware that the floor underneath all of their feet was moving in waves. Because it sure as shit felt like they were standing on the deck of a boat.

Quick check of the professionals and both seemed steady as rocks.

"I'm going to make an incision"--Doc Jane leaned over the leg with the knife--"here. What you're going to see directly under the skin is the fascia, which is the tough outer casing that's responsible for keeping our insides together. Your average human would have fat cells between the two, but John's in great shape. Beneath the fascia is the muscle."

Xhex bent at the waist, intending to take a rudimentary glance... except she stayed where she was.

As Doc Jane drew the blade again, the sinewy wrapper pulled back, exposing deep pink ropes of muscle... which had a hole through them. Staring at the internal damage, Xhex wanted to kill that slayer all over again. And Jesus, Rhage had been right. A couple of inches up and to the left and John would have been--

Yeah, let's not go there, she thought as she repositioned herself for an even better look.

"Suction," Doc Jane said.

There was a hissing sound and Ehlena put a small white hose down and cleared away John's red blood.

"Now, I'm actually going to use my finger to probe--sometimes the human touch is best...."

Xhex ended up watching the whole operation. Start to finish, from the first cut to the last stitch and all the retracting and lead removal in between.

"... and that's it," Doc Jane said about forty-five minutes later.

As Ehlena bandaged John's leg and the doctor recalibrated whatever was getting pumped into his vein, Xhex picked the bullet off the tray and looked the thing over. So small. So damned small. But capable of creating havoc of the mortal kind.

"Good job, Doc," she said harshly as she slipped the thing into her pocket.

"Let me bring him around so you can look in his eyes and know that he's really all right."

"You read minds?"

The physician's eyes were ancient as they lifted. "Nope. Have just had a lot of experience with families and friends. You're going to need to see the eyes before you take a deep breath. And he's going to feel the same way when he looks up into your face."

John regained consciousness about eight minutes later. Xhex timed it, checking the wall clock.

As his lids rose, she was right next to his head and holding his hand. "Hey... you're back."

He was groggy, which was to be expected. But that bright blue stare was exactly as it had always been, and the way he squeezed her hand left nothing in doubt--he was back with a vengeance.

The breath Xhex hadn't been aware of holding slowly eased out of her lungs, a singing relief elevating her mood sure as if her heart had been put on a rocket to the moon. And Doc Jane had been right about staying. As soon as Xhex got involved listening and seeing and learning, the panic receded until it was just a quiet hum that she could control. And it was fascinating, the way the body was put together.

Okay? John mouthed.

"Yup, Doc Jane got the bullet out just fine--"

John shook his head. You? Okay?

God... damn, she thought. He was such a male of worth.

"Yeah," she said roughly. "Yeah, I am... and thanks for asking."

Staring down at him, she realized that she hadn't allowed herself to think too much about how she'd saved his life.

Man, she'd always known she was good with a blade. But she'd never thought that skill would matter as much as it had during that split second in that nasty-ass farmhouse.

A blink of an eye later and... no John. For anyone, anymore.

Ever.

The mere thought of that made her panic come back full force, her palms getting sweaty, her heart not so much beating as flipping out in her chest. She knew they were going their separate ways after all this was over... but that didn't seem to matter in the slightest when she considered a world in which he didn't breathe or laugh or fight or do the sort of kindnesses he shared with all around him.

What, he mouthed.

She shook her head. "It's nothing."

Yeah, what a lie that was. It was everything.