His hand, wrapped around his naked shaft, slowly stroked up and down, timed to his soft moans.

“Yes, girl.”

My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t look away. I didn’t know why, but for some reason—disbelief maybe, horror probably—I could not tear my eyes away from this train wreck.

What the hell did he think he was doing? This was his response to my need for romance? This was showing me how much he wanted me?

Okay, sure, logically it was pretty clear that he did, indeed, want me. But really?

No, it had to be a joke. There was no way he could be serious with this.

His hand sped up as the other reached down between those spread, hairy thighs and cupped his danglers. I thought maybe he was trying to cover them, because this view of a man had to be, without a doubt, the grossest view possible, maybe second only to if he bent over and showed off his bells and tackle from behind. But no, he was not covering them.

“Yes, yes…”

He was massaging them.

“Yes!”

“Oh, ew.” I spun around, shocked mute for a moment.

I stood corrected. That was the worst view—the conclusion.

I stared at the opposite wall for a moment, the passageways lit by a magical blue glow…and cracked a smile.

Since my start in online dating, I’d gotten my fair share of dick pics, but this was the first time I’d caught a live performance. Dick pic live, coming soon to a peephole near you.

Laughter bubbled up, overtaking me.

I had to tell somebody. I couldn’t keep this to myself. If I kept it to myself, it would just be icky and unfortunate. Telling someone meant there was a punch line, even if it was me.

I hurried away through the passages before emerging into an unoccupied room that looked out over the front yard. Niamh’s lights weren’t on, which meant she was probably at the bar. I hurried back to my room through the passages, not wanting to be seen, and changed quickly before jogging down the hall to Ulric’s room.

After a couple of light knocks, he opened the door with a “Yup?”

White sweats hugged his thick thighs and a sports jacket fit his upper body perfectly, even though it was over a bare torso.

“What the hell is wrong with gargoyles?” I asked, taking a step back.

He looked down at himself. “Oh, I was just trying on the jacket Mr. Tom ordered for me. What do you think?”

“Looks good. Get dressed; let’s go to the bar. Bring the jacket.”

“Your wish is my command, milady.” He left the door open as he hurried to change, and I turned around, just in case I got another show I did not want.

“What’s the occasion?” Ulric popped back out and closed the door behind him, wearing jeans and a white shirt under the jacket.

“I need to speak with Niamh.”

He noticed the phone in my hand, then shrugged and fell in step with me. “Cool. This place gets pretty boring after we finish practicing. We should play some board games or something.”

“We need to grab another person, probably. Not Mr. Tom. I don’t want him hearing…certain things.”

“I’m sensing Damarion is a no-go, so what about Jasper?” Ulric asked, pausing in the hallway.

“Who? Oh, the deep gray one with the brown lines? I don’t think I’ve ever actually spoken to him.”

“He’s not much of a talker. Damn fine guy, but he can be creepy. How about Cedric? You remember him—you got his friend killed?” He paused with his hand on his chest. “Too soon?”

Laughter burst out of me, which only made me feel guiltier, but not guilty enough to wipe away my smile. “Cedric is good. Let’s get Cedric.”

“Least you can do, right? After making him a solo unit?”

“Oh my God, you have to stop. I feel really bad about that.”

I knocked quietly on his door, only two doors down from Damarion.

“In all seriousness, don’t feel bad—”

I put my finger to my mouth to quiet him.

“Cedric and that other guy weren’t friends any more than I’m friends with the guys I showed up with,” he said in a softer voice. “If you kill them off, I’ll give you a cookie. I could use a little less competition. Why are we whispering?”

“I want to let Damarion get his beauty rest.”

Cedric opened the door, also wearing a sports jacket over a bare torso and the house sweats. His lifted his eyebrows when he saw me.

“Get dressed,” I whispered. “We’re going out.”

“Good.” Cedric turned back into the room, and I swiveled around, still worried about getting another peep show.

“I know, right? It’s boring here,” Ulric said.

“If you’re so bored, why don’t you go out? You all are clearly horny as hell. Go pick up a girl at the bar.”

“Well, yeah, but you only go occasionally, and we’re supposed to stay with you, so…”

“We need to create a schedule,” Cedric said as he came back out. “Picking up a girl sounds good. I’d hoped for some time with the queen, but it seems she has made her choice.”

“Nope, I haven’t made my choice, but correct, I’m not an option. Grab someone at the bar. That’s your best bet, definitely—damn it.”

Mr. Tom waited downstairs, already holding out my handbag, and his gaze flicked from Ulric to Cedric. “Ah. I was right, then, and you’re trading up? Yes, probably wise. Both of these men listen to you. They’ll make sure your pleasure is as great as theirs. Just make sure they give you time to enjoy yourself. Two at the same time might be a learning curve. You won’t want to constantly be fiddling with something when you’d rather focus on something else…”

“Oh my God, Mr. Tom, you have got to stop with all that.” I grabbed my handbag. “It isn’t right. We’re not that kind of friends!”

“Well…” He smiled at me, his face clearly not used to that formation. “I’m honored that you would think of me as a friend. Wait, miss, I’ll be coming—”

I shut the door after me, Ulric and Cedric already down the steps, Ulric wearing a smile.

“I would, though,” he said.

“What?” I said, distracted. We might need one more person, at least until we hooked up with Niamh and hopefully Austin. Only one mage had come for me yesterday, but there’d been a handful at the first encounter. I wasn’t sure I could handle the embarrassment of Mr. Tom right then, though. What if he kept on about…stuff.

“I would absolutely make sure your pleasure was as great as mine, and then some. Get a woman where she’s goin’…” Ulric waggled his eyebrows at me. “And she will want to stay for the next ride. Keep a woman happy, and she’ll keep you happy.”

“Yes,” Cedric said.

I couldn’t do much more than let out a breath like a leaking tire. Why did my life keep getting weirder?

Mr. Tom stepped out of the house wearing a sports coat like Ulric, a white T-shirt underneath it, also like Ulric, and a bright green ball cap, not like Ulric or anyone.

“Ready, miss, thanks for waiting. Here we go.” He put his hands in front of me, urging me to get walking.

“Nice getup, bro,” Ulric said with a grin.

“Don’t encourage him.” I nudged Ulric’s shoulder to get him moving and checked to make sure Cedric was following. “We don’t know what waits out there, so let’s keep this speedy. If anything happens, one of you should get me airborne, and the others should fight. Or maybe we should all go airborne? I’m not the best person to come up with our battle-aversion strategy. I wasn’t even good at Battleship.”

All the humor fled from Ulric as we walked. “Because of my age and stature, I can change in a hurry. I’ll get you in the air if Mr. Tom and Cedric can run interference.”

“Yes,” Cedric replied.

“I excel at battle,” Mr. Tom said.

“Okay, then,” Ulric said, his grin creeping back.

“Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that,” I murmured, peering into the shadows as we walked. The still night allowed for sound to carry, not hindered by the scattering of leaves in the wind or the groaning of branches, but not a sound drifted out of the trees. Houses, pushed back from the street, sat quietly, their lights either dim or dark. The crescent moon hung high in the sky, shedding weak light.

“Why do you dye your hair the same color as your other form?” I asked quietly, my footsteps the only ones that made a sound.

“I assume you are talking to me?” Ulric whispered. I couldn’t tell if he was mimicking me, or if he was also on high alert.

“Mr. Tom’s form is not white-gray, so I am clearly not talking about him.”

“I used to have lush black hair that was a similar shade to my form, thank you very much,” Mr. Tom said. “I have now given up hope that you will do the right thing and change us all back to the glory of our youth, however.”

“That ship has sailed, Mr. Tom,” I replied.

“Wonderful, yes, using my words against me. How fitting,” he said dryly.

“Oops. Sore subject?” Ulric chuckled. “I thought that was part of the deal, though.” He bent a little as he looked right, the houses having ended and now just wood around us. This was the perfect place for an ambush, and had been used for that in the past. “I read that those who are chosen regain the power of their youth.”

“The power, yes. We do have the power, and all the wrinkles to go with it,” Mr. Tom grumbled.

“So it didn’t work in your case?” Ulric asked me.

“It would have, and I definitely allowed some body upgrades, because why would I pass that up, but…” I shrugged. “I’m me. The world at large is always telling us women that we need to be younger, prettier…but I’m comfortable being me. There is nothing wrong with me. I’ve earned the right to look my age and still get taken seriously.”