“I’ve never fucked another girl because I didn’t care about other girls,” I say, and it’s strange, hearing those words come out of my mouth. “Because the things I want to do in the dark are dangerous. How can I expect to hold myself back when I don’t give a shit about the person I’m with?” I throw the knife in the sink, letting it clatter as I pick up what’s left of the apple and bite into it. I’m done with the meticulous cutting; I just want to eat.

Juice sluices between my lips and slides down my chin. With long, careful fingers, I wipe it off and suck it away.

Callum watches me for a moment, and then nods, like he understands where I’m coming from. I knew he would; I knew he wouldn’t judge. Hael, on the other hand, is absolutely eating up this virgin nonsense, acting like he has something to lob at my face in a fight.

“What do you do with them when you get them into those rooms?” Cal asks, putting another apple-cheese slice into his mouth. “I mean, why pick them up at all?”

I sigh and take another bite of apple, closing my eyes against the sweetness of my tongue. You should’ve eaten Hael’s hideous spaghetti dinner, I chastise myself. I’m not helping anyone by trying to hide that I eat, and I fuck, and I bleed like a normal person.

I told Bernadette I wasn’t human; I’m afraid I’m even more human than anyone else in this fucked-up little family. That scares me. It terrifies me.

“I tie them up,” I say, because I do. I bind their legs and their arms, and I look at them like a fucking serial killer, and I try to get myself worked up enough to fuck them. It never happens though. The darkness looms inside of me, and I know that if I start to let it out, I’ll go too far. I’ll hurt somebody, and I won’t be able to stop.

Only Bernadette can save me, and that isn’t fair. That’s not what I wanted, for her to stroke and pet and soothe demons and monsters, to swim in blood, and wreak havoc.

But … it’s too late now, isn’t it?

There is no going back for any of us.

“Now that makes sense,” Cal says, pointing a finger at me. “See? Why not just tell Bernie that? She hates you for running off after you guys made love. You hurt her, Oscar. And I don’t mean by leaving bruises on her throat.” He gives me a warning look that very clearly says he won’t hesitate to hurt or kill me in order to protect Bernadette. Makes me like him more, not less, to be quite honest.

“Make love,” I hiss the words out like they’re poison, but I can’t deny it. I have no idea what came over me that day. Maybe it was the sight of blood because I’m a fucked-up individual? Or maybe it was because her face was so soft and sweet, a bit of innocence still left underneath all of that bossy bitch she throws around like it’s nothing? For whatever reason, my carefully crafted resistance broke, and I did the one thing I’ve always wanted to do.

Touch her, feel her, kiss her.

I exhale again, and Callum smiles.

“She doesn’t know what you’re thinking, O,” he tells me, nodding his head and crossing his arms over his chest. “We’re all so used to operating around Bernadette and for Bernadette, that we forget to work with her.”

“You sound as stupid as Aaron right now,” I say, pausing when I hear a stirring from the couch. My gaze flicks toward Bernadette’s sleeping form as she groans and shifts onto her side, hugging a pillow close to her chest. Hael is on the couch opposite her, an episode of South Park muted but still flickering on the TV.

“You’ll feel a hell of a lot stupider than that if you don’t tell her the truth. And sometime soon.” Callum puts his palms on the counter and stands up, wincing slightly. He hurts everyday that he dances, or fucks, or fights, but he never stops. He never lets his pain win.

Me, I let it rule me, and I hate myself for it.

I say nothing as Cal limps his way up the stairs.

Because I know he’s right. I know it; I just have to get up the courage to do something about it.

My fingers curl around another apple, bringing it to my lips for another too-sweet bite of flesh. My face hurts, and I wish I hadn’t been on a sidewalk in public, so that I could’ve killed the last two remaining Ensbrook brothers.

It’s been all about sex around here lately; I’m ready for a little violence.

I get my wish at around seven in the morning, my temper hot from not sleeping, my body aching from having to look at Bernadette flounce around the house in short-shorts and a tank top that dips too low while she gets the girls ready for school.

“Put some clothes on,” I growl at her, and she whips around so fast that her long hair hits me in the face. The scent of it makes me want to scream. My hands ache to touch her, but I keep a scowl fixed firmly in place. It’s too early, and I’m far too cranky to take any of Cal’s advice today.

But I am considering it.

Truly.

“You know what? Whenever you tell me to put clothes on or act decent or cover up, it just encourages me to do the opposite, Oscar Montauk.” She glares up at me, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why she’s standing so close. Back up, you little wench, I think, gritting my teeth and wishing I could teach her some fucking propriety. We’re far too near to each other; when she breathes, her breasts brush against the front of my chest.

She doesn’t know that I ask her to cover up because I can barely control myself. It isn’t her problem, but it makes me furious at myself because I know it’s all me. Self-inflicted. Stupid. Bernadette is here to stay; she’s a part of Havoc. These things are signed and sealed in blood, and, like Aaron, I just have to accept that this is reality, that the freedom I fought so hard to give her is now gone.

It’s just this, her and us and her bouncy tits and her ass hanging out of her shorts. It’s her fiery expression of rage, the way she pops her hip out, the way she smirks at me.

I turn away before I break under that stare and look at Victor.

He’s much easier for me to handle; we understand each other.

“I just got a text from our boys. The police were called to the Vincents’ home in Oak Park. They’re dead, Victor.” I deliver this information with as much feeling as a weather report. Bernadette balks at me, but honestly, I’m just irritated. That horrible social worker is dead, and she did not suffer the way she was intended to. A muscle in my jaw twitches in irritation. “It’s a bloodbath, quite literally. The walls were dripping crimson, according to the police scanner.”

“What the fuck?” Vic asks, halfway to pulling his shirt down. He just stands there for a minute with it caught up around his waist. Finally, he seems to pull himself together and drags the fabric down the rest of the way. Clearly, we’re going to be late for class today. No matter. There are no challengers for my place as valedictorian. That’s what’s important, that I win. “Jesus, it has to be Ophelia, doesn’t it?”

“Who else would care about some useless slag of a social worker?” I ask as Bernadette blinks in shock, flicking her gaze between the two of us.

“Leigh is dead?” she repeats, like she’s trying to wrap her mind around it. “Why would Ophelia kill her? She’s her contact; she supplies her with girls.”

“We brought Leigh to heel, and she lost her usefulness,” Victor muses, sighing and rubbing his hands over his hair. The way Bernadette watches him, hunger in her eyes even now, fills me with a terrifying and righteous sense of jealousy.

She should be looking at me like that.

And I have only myself to blame if she does not.

“It’s gotta be pretty easy to just snag a new lackey, right?” Cal asks, stretching in the sun near the sliding glass doors. He’s fully dressed in long, black shorts, and another of his signature sleeveless hoodies. “I’m sure Ophelia has other contacts in DHS and CPS.”

“This has Mitch and Charter Crew written all over it. Grunt work. I bet she isn’t even paying them yet, just giving them new cars and guns as toys, and promising rewards for later.” Victor works his jaw some more and nods. “Shit, this is out of control. I should’ve strangled my mother when we were at the beach house.” Victor grabs his boots and sits down on the sofa, right over the spot where the bloodstain is.

Well, there are many bloodstains on it, but I mean specifically the one that Bernadette and I left there.

“We’re still playing it too safe,” I say, tucking my phone into the pocket of my slacks. I take great pride in stealing these suits and not getting caught. I then have them tailored by a woman that lives in the Southside. She gives me containers of hot soup to take home, too, whenever I pick them up, but I never eat it. Part of me wonders if I should. “We need to move law enforcement down our list of priorities and take some action, regardless of the risks of getting caught. It’s that or end up with our heads severed from our bodies.”

I don’t show Bernadette the picture my boys managed to get of the crime scene.

I won’t, unless she asks.

“Well, fuck,” Bernie says, scrubbing at her face. “Leaving Leigh alive was brilliant; we had names. We knew when deals were going to take place. This isn’t good, is it?”

“It’s not,” I confirm, looking over at Vic and meeting his eyes. We need a new plan. We’ve always moved slow, kept things tight, foolproof. The last place on earth I want to end up in is prison; I would rather die. But things are escalating, and we cannot allow them to get any worse without getting the upper hand. “You know, the easiest way to kill something is to cut off its head.”

Bernadette shivers, but she fills in the metaphor for me as Hael comes tromping down the stairs like an elephant, Aaron close behind him. I ignore them both.

“Like say, if the Charter Crew’s head was made up of Mitch, Logan, Kyler, and Timmy?” she asks, and I smile.

The way it feels on my face, I’m not surprised that Bernie gives me a long, studying look. I’m sure it’s hideous.

“Exactly that,” I say, and then I find my iPad on the coffee table and start to plan.