I made two fists and stood.

Jimmy followed. His head came up to the bottom of my sternum. I felt oddly protective of the old guy, like maybe he too would someday be gone if I didn’t look out for him.

“So your heart’s not into it,” he said succinctly. “That’s a problem.”

“I know.” I just didn’t know what to do about this. The idea of losing chafed; I was too much of a competitor for it not to. The idea of losing in front of Parker was a humiliation I really couldn’t stomach. I wanted her to see the best of me, not some washed-up version. I wanted her to see what I could do.

Jimmy nodded as though he knew my thoughts. “You find something to fight for, be it your girl or your gym. Whatever it is, dig down and hold onto it, yeah?”

Something to fight for. Damn it, that was the thing that got to me. I’d fight for Parker, but she was mine. I felt it in my bones. Win or lose, she wouldn’t hold it against me. Sure, it’d be a disappointment if I lost but I wouldn’t lose her. That internal knowledge made it difficult for me to find the proper motivation there.

Fight for my gym? I’d been doing that all along. Why, then, was it so hard to get my blood up when it came to this match? Maybe because when I’d fought in the past, I’d fought for the joy of it, the thrill of the win. That had been enough for me. Now the joy was a pale copy of what it used to be.

Something to fight for. Fuck, I needed to figure this out.

Rolling my neck to work out the kinks, I managed to give Jimmy what I hoped was a reassuring look. “I’ll think about it.”

He snorted and muttered under his breath about boneheaded boxers. I smiled.

Jimmy glared around the gym. “Where’s Carlos?” He was my sparring partner. We were evenly matched for power, but I was faster. Carlos, however, was a tricky bastard who had a way of making me keep my head in the game or risk taking a hard hit to the face.

“Probably watching porn in the office,” I said, throwing Carlos under the bus.

Jimmy muttered more choice words and stomped off to get him. I didn’t say a word; I wasn’t fool enough to get between Jimmy and a tongue-lashing.

Snickering, I went to the small bag and worked it to keep warmed up.

Something to fight for?

I had the gym.

I had Dean.

And … Parker. I had Parker.

I should feel good about all that. Ecstatic, even. But there was still something off, something riding me. I needed … absolution. I needed to get all this weight of guilt and anxiety fully off my chest.

Sex with Parker had relieved a lot of tension. Being with her made me feel whole. But Parker couldn’t help with this particular brand of atonement. I couldn’t work this out by losing myself in her arms.

I needed someone else for this. For a hot second, I thought about telling Parker, confessing. But I couldn’t. I had to do this or I’d never be able to fight well. She’d understand that. She’d get it, even if she thought less of me.

She had to. Because I couldn’t do this fight any other way.

Twenty-One

Parker

It was nice to escape the office for lunch. With only a week to go until the charity fight, I was preoccupied. However, not preoccupied enough to not be worried by how quiet Jackson had been lately. He was spending a lot of time going to meetings that he never explained and talking on the phone with his office door closed.

Moreover, I still had to deal with Creepy Pete and his petulant attitude. He no longer crossed the office to speak with me when he had a payroll question about my overtime. I received an email. And whenever there was a discussion amongst our colleagues, he deliberately acted like I didn’t exist.

The man was like a five-year-old.

That morning he’d asked a mathematical question that I’d answered.

His response was to keep searching the room. “Anyone?”

My patience finally snapped. “I just answered your question, Pete.” I glowered at him. “I’m getting a little tired of your attitude toward me, the only female member of staff in this office. If it doesn’t stop, I’m going to consider this a problem I’ll have to report.”

Pete’s shocked expression was almost funny. “No need, there’s no problem here.” He held up his hands in a surrender gesture and returned to his desk.

Xander shot me a proud look but the tension in the office was awful after that. Deciding to use the extra hours I’d accumulated with overtime to take a long lunch, I departed the office with a relieved sigh. Leaving the building, I tried to call Rhys but got his voicemail. I sent him a text just before I got on my bike.

ParkerB: I’m on a long lunch. Do you have time to join me?

Rhys’s training had only escalated and the times I did see him, we mostly spent in bed. As far as I was aware, there had been nothing from Fairchild yet and Rhys was completely focused on the upcoming fight.

This meant we didn’t discuss much. He asked about my day, of course, and seemed interested in what I had to say, but anytime I turned the conversation on him, it felt like he immediately initiated sex.

And I had absolutely no willpower because the sex was amazing.

My phone beeped a few seconds later as I turned down Spring Lane off Devonshire Street. I drew to a halt on my bike to pull my phone out of my purse.

HotHarley: Sorry, can’t, Tink. In the middle of something. We’ll talk later?

Disappointment filled me but I texted back.

ParkerB: Of course. Talk to you soon xx

I turned around and decided it was such a nice day, I’d hit Boston Common Coffee Company for a takeout lunch and then ride to the Common to eat it.

Once I had food in my basket and the great weather lifting my mood, I rode down the pedestrian area of Summer Street toward the Common. As I glanced to my right, however, a familiar head and pair of shoulders caught my gaze and I slowed.

Seated at the tables outside Café Nero was a broad-shouldered guy with long legs, sitting close to a gorgeous blond. His head was bowed toward her, his hand on top of hers, and she was looking at him with utter tenderness on her lovely face.

I slowed to a halt, my heart racing. I watched as he turned his head, and I caught his profile.

Confusion and pain scored across my chest as the familiarity that had caused me to pause revealed itself.

Rhys.

Who was in the middle of “something.”

With a beautiful blond whose impressive cleavage was visible in her tight camisole. She had lots of hair and her makeup, although heavy, was done to perfection. She was tan and her long, bare legs were resting against Rhys’s beneath the table.

She was everything I’d always assumed Rhys would want in a woman.

Feeling sick, I shook myself a little.

There was an explanation. Obviously.

There had to be.

But then she pushed her chair even closer to his and wrapped her arms around him, her head resting on his chest.

And he pressed an affectionate kiss to her forehead, holding onto her like he’d done it a million times.

That was it for me.

My chest tight, the pain almost blinding, I turned my bike around, not wanting him to spot me, and used the electric motor to get me the heck out of there.

I couldn’t even remember the ride back to the office. The next thing I knew, my hands were shaking as I chained up my bike in the underground parking area.