“No,” said Darius. “Can’t say that I am.”

“Ken, maybe this isn’t the time,” Sarah said. “Actually, it’s definitely not the time. For whatever it is you’re about to do.”

“Like I said, it’s five minutes that will change your life.” Ken touched the keyboard. A logo floated onto the screen. VitaKetoMaxo in pulsing letters, along with images of very fit people working out behind it. Bicycling, lifting weights, running, leaping through the air.

“VitaKetoMaxo is more than a protein shake,” Ken went on, his voice rhythmic.

“Stop,” said Sarah, her teeth gritted. She was mad, Josh deduced. Kind of interesting, her face getting blotchy that way.

“It’s a way of life,” Ken said. He clicked, and more fit people appeared on-screen, now all drinking from green bottles.

“Jesus Christ, are you trying to sell us something?” Jen asked, a little late to the party. She scratched her arm vigorously. “Dude. Fuck off.” She grabbed her wineglass, polished off the last bit and handed it to Darius. “Hon, could you get me a tad more?”

“You’ve had enough, haven’t you, babe?”

“No. Babe.”

“In that case, yes, my queen.” Darius got up and got the bottle.

“You might think I’m trying to sell you something,” Ken went on. “But I’m not. I’m trying to give you something. A new way to look at the world.”

“Like, from the deck of the Death Star?” Jen said. “Obi-Wan, are you going to blow up our planet?”

“Just for the record, the real Obi-Wan Kenobi would never do that,” Josh said. Star Wars had been very important to him during his adolescence, and loyalty was important in these matters.

“Oh, God, Ken,” Sarah said. “You’re trying to sell us a nutrition drink, aren’t you?”

Ken was lit with a zealous passion, his pasty skin turning pink. “Oh, my gosh, babe, it’s so much more than that!”

“I thought we agreed not to use babe just yet.”

“Do you know why we’re all here, Obi-Wan?” Jen asked. “Because my sister died. Joshua’s wife. We’re in fucking mourning, okay?”

To be honest, Josh was kind of enjoying the show. It was better than thinking about loneliness. On the computer screen, people were doing cartwheels across a meadow. “Tell us more, Ken,” he said, earning a dismayed look from Sarah.

“Thanks, Joshua, man! It’s about lifestyle. It’s the chance you’ve been waiting for. The opportunity to build a new life filled with riches.”

“I’m itchy,” Jen said. “Is anyone else itchy?”

“Maybe we should go,” Darius said. “You’re kind of flushed.”

“I already told you, we can’t leave Josh here alone with this freak!” Jen barked. “You know he’s way too polite to kick this asshole out. Sarah, I’m sorry, but collect your date.”

Sarah tried to push the laptop closed, but Ken jerked it away. “Ken,” she said firmly, “you’re embarrassing me. Well, you’re embarrassing yourself, but also me.”

“Babe! Just listen. Some people say VitaKetoMaxo is a pyramid scheme, but it’s actually very differently structured.” Another click showed a diagram of a pyramid scheme. “See, I’d be your distributor, and you’d sell . . . well, really, give your friends the chance for a better life. Some of that money would flow back up to me to reinvest—”

“You know what, babe?” Jen said. “I think you’re right.” She stuck out her arms. “Are these hives?” Sure enough, blotches of red marred her skin. “Shit. I might be having an allergic reaction. What was on the pizza?”

“Nothing you haven’t eaten a thousand times,” Darius said.

“Where was it from?”

“The sketchy place down the block.”

Jen let her head flop back on the couch. Darius glanced at Josh. “You have an Epi-Pen, right? Just in case?”

Josh nodded. “Benadryl, too.” Lauren had been on so many medications that the doctor had prescribed an Epi-Pen preemptively, in case of an allergic reaction, since a compromised airway was not something they needed.

Ken saw this as a great segue. “Interesting that you bring up food allergies, Jen—Jenny, if I may?”

“You may not.”

Josh felt the stir of laughter in his stomach.

“So, Jen, if you drank VitaKetoMaxo, hives would never be a problem. Ever. Food allergies would never be a problem. VitaKetoMaxo is known to cure all food allergies and eliminate the need for vaccines.”

“Oh, my Jesus,” Sarah said, closing her eyes.

“Can I have the scientific data on that?” Josh asked. “Three reputable sources, please.”

Ken didn’t pause. “It’s a proven fact that VitaKetoMaxo users live longer and healthier.” He turned to Josh, his blue eyes wide and earnest. “In fact, I’m guessing that if your wife had used VitaKetoMaxo, she never would have—”

And then Josh must’ve moved from the couch, because he had Obi-Wan Kenobi by his bony, long throat and was dragging him to the door and everything was going red. “Get the fuck out of my house,” he said, opening the door and shoving him out. Josh went back, shoved the laptop into Ken’s computer bag, threw them out into the hallway, then slammed the door.

The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox. The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

The red began to evaporate. Josh’s heart was thudding.

The other three were silent.

“I’m very, very sorry,” Sarah said eventually. “I had no idea.”