He’s perfect. Simply perfect. “I love your love letter, Larue. It made me sigh like a schoolgirl.”

“Well, you are a schoolgirl, right? I think I’m gonna have to go looking for a little tartan skirt and some knee socks. Dress you all up in a sexy outfit this weekend.”

“If you do that, I might have to be bad on purpose, Mr. Flynn.”

“Don’t tease, Gidget, or I’ll spank you.”

“You promise that so much and never come through. I hardly get excited about it anymore.”

He guffaws this time and I can practically picture his gorgeous smile lighting up his electric blue eyes. “I can’t f**king wait until Friday.”

I giggle a little as I picture our Friday. “I might just ditch class early, Mr. Flynn.”

“And that will earn you two spankings, Miss Corvus.”

“Promises, promises.”

After Ronin and I hang up I read the text over and over again. A letter. It’s sorta old-fashioned and sweet. I look over at the camera and the idea that started this morning with saying goodbye to my latest journey through life with a wrap-up of Chaput Studios gives me another one. I set up the camera on the small kitchen table, sit down in front of it, and turn it on. I take a deep breath and begin to talk.

“Dear Rook at age fifteen. Your life is not over. Wade Minix was not your one. I wish you’d stop crying and being depressed and just make yourself get over it, because I’m Rook at age twenty and I know better. I know that your one is waiting for you five years in the future and his name is not Wade. I wish I could warn you to stay far, far away from that diner where you meet Jon. I wish I could warn you that moving out to that house with him in the country will be the biggest mistake of your life.”

I take a deep breath and then continue.

“I wish I could tell you what to watch out for, when to say no, when to walk out, and when to never look back. But I can’t. Because you need to do all those things without my help. You need to learn all those lessons. You need to experience all that fear and pain and desperation. You need to see all that stuff. Because at the end of all those bad things, there is a sweet and gentle man named Ronin Flynn.”

The tears start to flow down my face as I allow myself to feel a small fraction of the emotions I’ve bottled up in the name of survival since I left Chicago.

I get up and turn the camera off and take another deep breath.

I’m ready.

I’m ready to accept what happened and let it go. I’m not quite sure how I’m gonna do that and I’m not quite sure what will happen when I confront the past and take a good hard look at all those memories. I just know that I’m tired of pretending that girl is not me. Ronin deserves a girl who is whole. He’s done so much for me that I owe him this. I owe him a whole girl who can accept his protection and love without constantly being afraid she’ll make the same mistake twice.

Chapter Fourteen - RONIN

After Rook and I hang up I lie on the couch and halfheartedly watch The Last Samurai as I think about making love to her this morning. She’s definitely getting more adventurous, but I still feel the need to be careful with her.

A knock brings me out of the daydream and I jump up and jog over to the door. It can only be one of three people. Clare, Elise, or Antoine. That’s one thing about living in a secure building. No unexpected visitors.

The door lock clicks as I open it and Clare is smiling at me from the other side of the threshold. “Hey, what’s up, little chick?” She’s wearing some pink shorts and a white tank top, looking totally cute.

“Can I come in?”

I throw the door open wide. “Mi casa and all that shit, right?”

She laughs. “Right.” She eyes my outfit now. I’m only wearing a pair of baggy black sweatpants cut off mid-thigh and her gaze lingers on my bare chest a little too long. I clear my throat and wave her over to the couch. She takes a seat in the middle so I plop down next to her and put my arm around her shoulders. “You came to hang out and watch movies? Or you have something on your mind?”

She looks up at me with those blue eyes of hers and I can’t help but smile. “I just needed to say it in person, that’s all. When I’m not high, or crying, or a total mess in all the other ways in which I’m normally a total f**king mess.”

I squeeze her a little. “Say what?”

“Thank you. I really mean it, Ronin. I know you put up with a lot from me last summer. I was a total pain in your ass and I probably made your life more difficult than it needed to be. So I’m sorry for that.”

“Hey,” I say, taking her chin and lifting it up so she has to look at me. “You’re family, right? I love you. You’re part of me now and I’m not gonna let you give up. I never understood what that drug was to people, but I know now. After watching you struggle and go through all that pain, I know. But you’re a fighter, Clare. And I have an idea about what you’re feeling, so just put those doubts out of your head. You’re gonna make it. You’re over the worst and now it’s just maintaining, right?”

She swallows hard and leans back against my chest. I automatically sit back into the couch cushions and pull her in next to me.

“You’re a good guy, Ronin. I totally messed up when I blew it with you back in high school.”

“Yeah, well. Bygones, OK? Don’t dwell on my silly high-school crush. I’m happy with how things shook out. You’ll find the right guy, Clare. You’re f**king beautiful, and smart, and French.”