A tear rolls down Lewis’s cheek and he wipes it away. I’ve never seen him cry before. I don’t like it; it feels wrong.

“It was much easier to say that we’d found Georgina dead and had no idea why she’d stopped breathing,” he goes on. “Thomas and Emily were too young to connect that with the row they’d overheard the night before, me telling Flora to stop drinking.”

“I couldn’t go to prison,” says Flora. “That would have been the thing . . .” She trails off.

“What?” I ask her.

“I was too scared to take my own life, after Georgina died. I wanted to, more than anything—to never feel anything ever again. Couldn’t make myself go through with it. But if there was even a chance I’d go to prison I’d have done it.”

“So you called it cot death and everyone believed you?”

“The parents don’t get to call an infant death anything,” says Lewis. “Doctors decide. We told everyone that we’d found Georgina in her cot, blue and not breathing. People couldn’t have been more sympathetic. There was no hint of any suspicions in our direction. But Georgina had been born premature, and was maybe going to need surgery on her eye when she was a little bit older, so perhaps they found it easy to think of her as a flawed specimen.”

Flora flinches.

Lewis lets out a ragged sigh. “It was a tragedy, and we were in shock and grieving, but we could have survived it. We could have rebuilt our lives—but Flora wouldn’t allow that to happen. She couldn’t give us that chance.”

“I couldn’t live with them and pretend,” she says. “How could I stay there, knowing what I’d done? I didn’t deserve beautiful children and a husband who loved me. And I couldn’t live a lie, no matter how much Lewis wanted me to. What I really wanted, all I wanted, was to die. I prayed it would happen, without me having to do anything.”

“There were moments when I could have killed her,” says Lewis. “Not because of Georgina—because she was proposing to leave me, when all I’d done was protect her and our family.”

“So you left?” I ask Flora. “You abandoned them all?”

“That’s exactly what she did,” says Lewis. “And cut off all contact. With everyone. I had to go with her to tell her parents. She begged me to do the talking, and I did it. I fucking did it, Beth. Then I had to tell Thomas and Emily that she couldn’t be part of their lives anymore. Flora and I came up with the least upsetting story we could think of in the circumstances: Georgina dying had caused her to have a breakdown, and now she wasn’t herself anymore and couldn’t be around anyone, including them. It was devastating for them to hear that, but what could I do? I could hardly say, ‘Mummy’ll be back any minute now, she’s just nipped to the shops.’ She wasn’t ever coming back to us. She’d made that clear, and I could see it. Even sitting in a room with me, having the conversations we needed to have, she couldn’t stand it. It was like she’d developed an allergy to all of us—me and the children.”

“To myself,” Flora corrects him. “You reminded me, that’s all—of the difference between what I used to be and what I’d become. It was better for Thomas and Emily not to be around me, given the state I was in. Lewis was a good dad, Beth. Is a good dad. Any damage I did by abandoning the family, he repaired.”

“I’m not going to deny that. Fuck it.” Lewis shifts in his chair. “I’m not. We had a rough few years, but slowly, steadily, Thomas and Emily—whose names Flora refuses to say, have you noticed, Beth?—grew into the happy, secure teenagers they are now. Thanks to me. And it has to stay that way. Over my dead body are they going to find out now, after all these years, that Georgina’s death wasn’t a tragic accident.”

“I won’t say anything,” I tell him. What good would it do, at this late stage? “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how awful it must have been.”

“Well, what can I say?” Lewis laughs bitterly. “Thank you, Beth, for making this little trip down Memory Lane possible. Can I go now? I need to get back to the office.”

“Without me?” Flora asks expressionlessly.

“Yes, without you,” he snaps. “I’m going to take a little break from trying to help you, if that’s okay.”

“But how will I get back to the house?”

“You’ll figure out a way.” Lewis stands up.

“I’ve got more questions,” I say.

“Oh, I bet you have. Flora can answer them.” In an angry, singsong voice he says, “Flora has decided today is a talking day. Good-bye, Beth.”

Without another word, he leaves the room.

22

I stand up and walk over to the window, to give Flora a chance to compose herself. She started to cry when Lewis left and hasn’t stopped since. Sunlight is streaming into the room, streaking the carpet and furniture with stripes of gold. They create a bar-like effect and make me think of prison—something that was in my mind even before Lewis and Flora came up to my hotel room, thanks to Chimpy.

There’s a darkness in here that’s almost suffocating; the light from outside can’t touch it. The shimmering turquoise swimming pool, palm trees and orange sun umbrellas on the other side of the glass look as implausible as a stage set that’s way too good to be true.

I flick the catch, slide the balcony door open and step outside. The hot air hugs my face. It’s a welcome relief. When the heat gets too much, I slide the door closed again.

“You should tell the truth, Flora. To your parents, the police, everybody. Instead of walking around like a shadow, hiding a horrible secret. You shouldn’t have to live like this for the rest of your life.”

“It’s better than having everyone know. Don’t tell me it isn’t. You can’t imagine how it feels to have done what I’ve done. It would destroy my parents if they knew.”

“And Thomas and Emily?” I say, wondering if Lewis is right about her unwillingness to say their names.

“Them too. I don’t want to hurt Lewis’s children any more than I already have. He’s been good to me. No one deserves any more pain.”

“Including you?”

“I deserve nothing,” she says quietly. “Nothing good, anyway.”

“They’re your children too, Flora. Not only Lewis’s.”

“Not anymore.”

“How much of what you’ve just told me do Kevin and Yanina know?”

“Nothing.” An impatient look passes across her face. “Why do you think I married Kevin? If he’d known, I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near him. After Georgina died, when I left everything behind, I thought I’d be alone forever. That was what I deserved and what I wanted. Then I met Kevin, and he . . . he pursued me. I realized that I could maybe have a family again. As long as no one in my new life knew the truth. I’d changed my name by then, to Jeanette Dawson. Dawson was my mum’s maiden name. You won’t be able to understand this, but . . . I convinced myself I was a different person.”

“You didn’t tell Kevin you’d been married before?”

“He knew about Lewis, but not that I’d had any children with him. I lied about that. When I was pregnant with . . .” She stops. Starts again. “I made sure he never came to doctor or hospital appointments. It wasn’t hard. He had no interest in them. He’s not interested in much, Kevin. I don’t love him or particularly like him.”

“Then why . . . ?”

“Can’t you guess?” Flora smiles through her tears. “I wanted more children. Knowing you don’t deserve something doesn’t make you stop wanting it. I was weak. I shouldn’t have let myself accept Kevin’s proposal, but once I did, the rest just—” She breaks off and frowns. “No, it didn’t just happen. That’s not true. I let it happen. I was Jeanette now, so it was okay. That’s what I told myself—that it would be okay.”

“So you had two more children? With Kevin, not with Lewis?”

“They’re Kevin’s, Beth.”

“You had two children, and you called them Thomas and Emily.”

“You know I did. That’s why you’re here.”

“Why did you choose those names?”

She stares at me. Is she hoping I’ll withdraw the question?

“Why, Flora?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. I wanted what I’d lost, I suppose. Kevin would have let me call them anything. Up to me, he said.”

“How did he feel when you told him you were going to Florida suddenly? If he knows nothing about what happened in the past, how did you explain this trip? Isn’t Kevin wondering what the hell’s going on?”

“I blamed it on you,” says Flora.

“Me?”

“When Lewis rang me to say you’d been in touch, my heart nearly stopped right then and there. I hadn’t seen or heard from him in twelve years. I was a nervous wreck. There was no way you’d contact Lewis after so many years unless you suspected something—I knew that. And Marilyn Oxley, my neighbor . . . she’d told Kevin that you’d asked her if our children were called Thomas and Emily. I had to get away from you, Beth. To make sure this didn’t happen. I didn’t want you to know, and I knew I could so easily break down and tell you if we met. You were my best friend for so long. We knew everything about each other, didn’t we?”