Something that he said when we had our exclusivity talk has stuck with me.

I take a break from kissing him and touch the rough stubble on his cheek. “I want you to fuck me without a condom.”

He pulls back to meet my eyes and his expression is like I’ve just asked him to solve a complicated mathematical equation. “What are you … talking about?”

“You’re clean. I’m definitely clean. I want to feel you—for real—without a layer of latex in between us.”

His eyebrows pinch together and his expression looks pained. “Fuck, Elise,” he curses low under his breath. “You have no idea how badly I would love to do that with you, but we can’t.”

I chew on my lower lip as I meet his eyes. “Why not?”

“Because, for one thing I could get you pregnant.”

Oh. Right. It’s weird that the possibility of that doesn’t scare the pants off of me—well, my pants are already off, but still. I shake my head. “I’m on birth control. Plus, you could pull out if you want a little back up.”

I see a moment of hesitation. He wants to give in, but he’s fighting with himself. “I’ve never done that before.”

“You’ve never slept with someone without a condom?”

He shakes his head.

I grin. “Good. That means I get to have one of your firsts too.”

At this, he chuckles, looking uncertain. “You might not realize it, but you do already own a lot of my firsts.”

I make a skeptical sound in the back of my throat.

“It’s true,” he continues, brushing a strand of hair back from my face as he gazes down at me.

It should feel weird to be having an entire lengthy discussion while we’re both naked and aroused, and yet with him, it feels like the most natural thing in the world to be hammering out these details. It must be because I’m so comfortable with him, but regardless, I like it. A lot. I like all of the communication and quiet admissions of truth. And as eager as I am for what comes next, part of me wants to keep the conversation going.

“Remember when you and Owen went to prom?” I grin at the memory of them primping themselves in front of Owen’s bedroom mirror.

“Yeah, you were in middle school, right?”

I nod. “I had such a crush on you back then. Seeing you in a tux.” I grin. “It was the first time I felt like my little heart might just explode from sheer longing.”

He chuckles softly, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “E-Class, I’m shocked.” His mouth tilts in a wry grin. “Well I have something to admit too. I’ve never packed a duffle bag full of candles, or put rose petals all over someone’s bed before.”

My heart is so full of him, and my body is so ready for more, and I know the time for talking is done. “Then give me one more first,” I whisper, bringing one hand between us. Wrapping my hand around his thick length, I guide him to my opening. Then I watch as his teeth sink into his lower lip and a sexy look of concentration flashes across his features as I start to push him inside. He tilts his hips forward, giving me what I want at an agonizingly slow pace.

A tiny pinch as I accommodate to his size and then pleasure. So. Much. Pleasure.

I groan and his eyes sink closed as he thrusts the rest of the way home.

“Oh, fuck, Elise.” His voice is broken and gruff, it’s unexpectedly sexy to hear him losing control.

The warm ambience of the candlelight is surprisingly sweet, and I love it. I love being able to see him and watch his expression change as he gazes down on me. He fights off a shiver, and makes a desperate, needy noise as his lips meet mine.

His strokes grow faster, his hips snapping into mine as my volume increases.

“Yes. Like that. Yes,” I moan.

Supporting his weight over me with one hand, he brings the other between us to apply gentle pressure.

I start to come immediately, writhing and whimpering and tightening my thighs around his trim hips as he continues to rock into me.

“Oh fuck, you’re so tight. Without the condom. Jesus, I just can’t…” he moans, his forehead dropping against mine. Our lips brush but we don’t kiss.

I know he’s close and I expect him to pull out.

But then his strong arms tighten around me as he makes a pleasure-filled sound, pumping into me in short, uncoordinated strokes as he fills me with his warmth.

He presses a long kiss to my lips, and then carefully withdraws. I curl my knees up to my chest, still panting.

“Are you okay?” He looks down at me in admiration.

I did little more than lay here, but I’m glad he looks pleased. Actually he looks more than pleased. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him look this happy and tender. He touches his lips to mine again, and then runs his thumb over my core in the most distracting figure-eight.

“I got you all messy.” His tone is almost reverent.

I can’t help the giggle that bursts from my lips. “Trust me it was more than worth it.”

Justin helps clean me up and we lay together in bed for a long time, just talking. We have sex once more, and it’s slower and more drawn out, but just as hot. And then I dress in pajamas while he puts his boxers back on. We head to the kitchen, because apparently he wasn’t kidding about needing a post-sex snack. We eat nacho cheese tortilla chips and drink champagne and blue Gatorade and watch bad reality TV, and it’s one of the best nights of my entire life.

22

* * *

Pancakes and Chill

Justin

When I wake in the morning, it’s to the feel of a warm palm rubbing light circles over my chest.

Elise is already awake and when I open my eyes, she smiles up at me shyly. “’Hi.” Her voice is soft, just above a whisper.

“Morning.” I grin at her. “How long have you been awake?”

She laughs. “Sorry, just a couple of minutes. I promise I’m not a creepy stalker watching you sleep.”

I smooth her hair back from her face. “Didn’t think you were.”

Stretching one arm leisurely over my head, I bring it around Elise. It feels so nice to wake up here, to be warm and affectionate with each other without having to rush off or steal moments when no one’s looking.

Lightly touching her skin, I turn her chin toward mine and give her a soft kiss. Elise sighs and leans into me, kissing me back.

I roll over and pull her up on top of me. She sits up, her legs on either side of my waist. I realize I’m still naked. I can feel the warmth of her through the cotton boxer shorts she wore to bed. She’s so tempting, and I barely resist the urge to rock my hips up, creating the magic of friction between us. I want to push her little shorts aside and sink into her slowly, but then my brain snaps on, and I recall the previous time I woke up in her bed when Elise had turned me down after I’d suggested morning sex because she was too sore, and so the last thing I want to do is pressure her when she’s not ready. Even if it was strange being told no for the first time in a decade. I need to behave. At least for now.

“I had fun last night,” I murmur, lifting up on my elbows to bring my lips to hers. She meets me halfway and gives me one last gentle kiss.

“Me too.”

I still can’t believe that she’d wanted to have sex without a condom. Everything about last night was perfect, and making it special for her with flowers and candles and champagne eased some of the guilt I still feel about our real first time.

I heft myself up and rise to standing while holding Elise. She makes a little squeal as I place her carefully down on her feet.

“Let’s make pancakes,” I suggest.

She rewards me with a grateful look. ”Sounds perfect.” She’s smiling as she quickly dresses, adding a pair of yoga pants over her tiny shorts and t-shirt ensemble.

In the kitchen, Elise starts the coffee while I mix the pancake batter and get the skillet heating.

I absolutely love this domestic, chill thing we have between us. And as amazing as the physical stuff between us is, I’m also really glad we rekindled our friendship after all that went down last year. Hearing her admit her crush on me while we laid in bed was one of my favorite moments from last night. I mean, I kind of suspected it, she didn’t exactly hide it very well, but watching her lips tilt up in a grin as she remembered was so damn cute.

Elise and Owen are the closest thing I have to family, and they’re both amazing friends. Even if I hate the thought of lying to Owen right now, for now, this is how it has to be.

23

* * *

So Much for Casual

Elise

There’s nothing quite like coming home from a long day of work and changing into your pajamas. I’m not sure why it feels so good, it just does. Maybe it’s because I had the longest day ever with my usual classes and then parent-teacher conferences after, or maybe because I have cramps, but either way, I am cozy and comfortable and I give exactly zero fucks that it’s only seven p.m. and I’m in my pjs. I haven’t seen Justin in a week, ever since our amazing weekend together, and while I’m getting a bit antsy, I decide a night in by myself will be a good thing.