I shoulder my purse. “Should we invite Jimmy and Dean?”

She gives me her cringy face. “Only if we run into them on the way out?”

“Sure.”

We’re barely seated at a table before Violet is beelining it to the buffet, loading her plate with things she normally wouldn’t. She barely utters a word as she shovels food into her mouth.

Violet slows down about halfway through her plate. “Okay, I think I got a little overexcited.” She slumps back in her seat and rubs her tummy. “I hope Chicago doesn’t shit the bed this game.”

I pause with my fork half an inch from my mouth. “Vi! You can’t say things like that. You’re pretty much ensuring they lose with that kind of talk.”

“Toronto has been solid this season, and they’re fighting to win, you know? They haven’t seen the Cup in more than half a century. Besides that, and you can’t repeat this to anyone, but Alex hasn’t been on top of his game. That injury last season has slowed him down, and the only reason he’s been managing is because Darren is picking up the slack. Everyone knows that. All the guys, and Darren I’m sure, but none of them will say anything.”

“Alex has been playing well,” I counter. But even as I say it, I know it’s a half-truth. Normally Alex is one of the top players in the league, but this year has been different. His stats have taken a serious hit, and he hasn’t been playing as well as usual, whereas Darren’s stats have been on the rise, particularly his assists. It’s like he’s handing goals to Alex instead of taking them for his own. Which says a lot about him as a person.

“Well, in the general sense of the word, but not like he used to. Promise me this conversation stays between us.”

“Of course. I promise.”

“You can’t tell Darren.”

Violet has been my best friend for almost a decade, so when she asks me to keep a secret, it’s usually a no brainer. But since Darren and I just dealt with the fallout of one of his secrets, I hesitate for a second before I respond.

“I won’t tell Darren.”

I hold out my pinkie and Violet grips it with hers. “Imagine if you unzipped a pair of pants and found a dick this small inside. How sad would you be?”

“So sad.”

“Darren seriously hasn’t said anything about Alex’s performance this season?”

I consider what she’s asking, and weigh it with how freely I should share my private conversations with Darren. “He mentioned that recovery can be slow and Alex was playing his best.”

Violet nods and pushes her food around on her plate. “He really is. But he’s also aware that his shoulder doesn’t feel the way it used to. He doesn’t want to wreck his body. He’s been thinking about the future a lot, about what he sees for himself after the NHL, so when his contract is up with Chicago, he’s considering retirement.”

“What if Chicago wants to renew again?” I ask.

“We’ll see, but it really depends. I don’t think he wants to go out with tanked stats, you know? He’s been at the top of his game for a long time, and it’s hard for him to put in so much extra work and not see the payoff.”

“What will he do when he retires?” Darren’s plan once his hockey career ends isn’t something we’ve discussed.

“He’s talked about sportscasting or coaching. I’m hoping for the former since he’ll probably be able to get on in Chicago, and then I won’t have to quit my job.”

“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” This makes me intensely aware of how different my relationship is with Darren. We don’t plan past next weekend, let alone next year. That he asked me to be available when he returns from the away game in Toronto is a big deal.

“The concussion last season scared him. He still has holes in his memory, Char. Sometimes he has difficultly remembering simple things, and he gets flustered. It’s not anything really worrying, but it’s there. He doesn’t want to take the risk anymore, especially now that he’s actively trying to knock me up. He doesn’t want to compromise his family for his career.”

“I can understand that, but retirement? It seems so final.”

I have to wonder what that’s like to have someone love you so much that they weigh choices in favor of who, not what they love.

There’s a pit in my stomach, and every time we have one of these heavy conversations, it gets a little deeper. Everyone else is settling down, creating their own microcosm of family, and here I am getting excited over Darren wanting time with me next week.

Violet folds her napkin until it sort of resembles a diaper. “I know, but Alex wants to be involved, and traveling would made that hard. Besides, Alex doesn’t want to leave Chicago, and I know Buck has plans to settle here once his career is over.”