Holden pushed off the railing. “You okay?”

River nodded yes, then thought about what she’d done and the look on Lanie’s face, and shook her head.

Holden took a step toward her but she held up a hand. “Here’s the thing,” she said slowly. “I’ve spent a lot of my life not being okay, letting other people rescue me. It’s not done me any favors. And I was rescued yet again. I need you to walk away from me, Holden. I need to learn how to upgrade from Kyle before I even think about moving on.”

He didn’t look happy. “River—”

“No, it’s time that I learn how to stand on my own two feet,” she said. “I have to, if I’m ever going to believe in a future for myself and this baby.” She met his deep blue eyes. “Can you understand that?”

“More than you know,” he said a little grimly.

She took a longer look at him, into his warm gaze, and knew there was a lot more to him than pretty eyes and broad shoulders. “How did you learn to do it?”

“The hard way.”

She nodded, then drew a deep breath and took the step between them, closing the distance. “Will you tell me?”

He held her gaze. “You know I was a homeless teen and that Cora took me in. What you don’t know is that it took her two years to convince me I was good enough.”

She closed her eyes. He did get it.

“And here’s something I shouldn’t tell you, as it doesn’t work in my favor,” he said and tipped her face up to his, waiting until she opened her eyes again. “You don’t always have to find someone else in order to upgrade from your ex. Sometimes just letting their ass go is a fuckin’ upgrade.” And then he did as she’d asked—he walked away.

She didn’t let herself think about that, or the loss of something that was really only the promise of what could be. She didn’t believe in promises, she reminded herself.

Cora took her to the doctor after a quick side trip to Target, where she bought her some baby things like onesies and diapers. River tried to talk her out of it, but Cora insisted.

“It helps if you pick up a few things every time you’re out,” Cora said. “Then your list of must-haves after the baby comes won’t be so overwhelming.”

Yes, but every time she’d left her desk over the past month, she’d come back to an anonymous present for the baby. Sometimes it was wrapped, sometimes not, sometimes it was diapers, sometimes it was clothing or a piece of equipment, such as a car seat.

She’d tried to figure out who the gifter was, but she was starting to suspect it was everyone. Just the thought had gotten her through some dark nights.

On the drive to the doctor’s office, she clutched the bag like it was a pot of gold. “Thank you,” she said softly.

“Oh, honey, you’re so welcome. Shopping for babies is a true joy.”

“I meant thank you for everything,” she said.

“You’re welcome for everything.”

River shook her head. “I don’t think you get it. What you all mean to me. Until you took me in, I didn’t even have a bed. Mostly I was trying not to think about the future because . . . well, to be honest, I’m not sure I’m going to be any good at being a mom.”

Cora gave her a soft smile. “You had a wonderful mom. She taught you how to depend on yourself and be a good person. You’re going to be a great mom.”

River nodded, but she wasn’t sure she believed, even though a small part of her wanted to.

Dr. Rodriguez was a tiny little dynamo with dark skin, dark eyes, and a happy smile for River. “How we doing?”

“Fine.”

“Let’s see.” The doctor checked River’s stats. “You have some signs of hypertension.”

River froze. “What’s that?”

“High blood pressure. But no worries. Rest and relaxation and good nutrition should get you through. But I’m serious about the rest part. It needs to include lots of off-your-feet time.”

“But I have a job,” River said.

“Do you stand for this job?”

“No.”

“Then you should be okay if you cut back to a few hours a day, tops.”

River stared at her in horror. “I can’t make a living on a few hours a day.”

“Yes, but it won’t be for long,” Dr. Rodriguez announced happily.

“But I’m just over seven months. I still have two months to go.”

“One,” Dr. Rodriguez said.

River stared at her.

Dr. Rodriguez’s smile faded. “We talked about your due date last time, didn’t we? It’s why your appointments will now be weekly.”

River shook her head. “I was so nervous last time that all I heard was everything looked good.” River put her hands on her hot cheeks as a hot flash overcame her. “Oh my God.”

“Okay, just take some deep breaths,” Dr. Rodriguez said, coming close, stroking her back. “Listen to me,” she said softly. “Lots of moms have a panic attack this close to giving birth. It’s totally understandable.”

Oh, was it? Gee, how comforting . . .

“Would you like me to bring Cora in?”

“No,” River gasped.

“Are you sure, sweetheart? A woman in your condition really needs her support team to rally around her.”

“No, you don’t understand—I’m trying to learn to be on my own.”

“Now’s not exactly the best time for that. Who’s your birth coach?”

“I think Cora is.”

“Then we should fill her in, don’t you think?”

River hesitated and then nodded. “Okay.”

When Cora was brought into the room, River had to admit, she felt relief.

“Update,” Dr. Rodriguez told Cora, chipper again. “Baby’s all good, but coming sooner than expected. Mama here needs some rest and relaxation and must stay strong with her nutrition. If she keeps her blood pressure down, all those nasty, annoying symptoms of breathlessness and shakiness will go away. She’s young, she’ll bounce right back with help from her team.”

And that was that. Cora was her team.

They then went to the prenatal class, where River learned how to breathe through pain, which to be honest, she was pretty skeptical about.

She went to bed that night after having knocked on Lanie’s door.

Lanie hadn’t answered.

Telling herself she deserved no less, River had let herself have one last cry. “Our very last pity party,” she told the baby, alone in the dark.

THE NEXT DAY, Lanie got up and headed to work with more than a little trepidation. Everyone now knew her torrid secret—that she hadn’t been enough for her husband; he’d had to get himself some other wives.

The night before Mark had tried to comfort her, but she’d made it clear that the only comforting would be done naked and would not involve any more words on the matter.

He’d complied. Her body felt very comforted this morning.

Her mind, not so much.

She found Alyssa in the employee room shoving down a doughnut. “Started to go to the gym,” she said. “You know, to work off some of the baby fat. Only I couldn’t find my membership card and a new one was ten bucks. And since a doughnut and coffee was only three bucks, guess who saved seven bucks this morning?”