I nodded, encouraging him to continue, even as dread built within me.

“Shadow was outside the library,” he said in a rush, “and even though he was spelled to forget you, he knew something was wrong. When he returned to the library, he was more beast than I’ve ever seen him be. He lost control, destroying the library and Solaris System. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but he knew something important had been stolen from him. He…” Gaster shook his head. “It was catastrophic, and I have no idea who survived the fallout. Everyone is gone, as you can see, and the doorways have been destroyed. Along with any means to get help from the outside world.”

“What is the Solaris System?”

At this point, I’d given up repeating for Sam, but she was good to her word, waiting patiently.

“It was a network of doorways connected to this library.” He waved his hand, letting out a long breath. A sad breath. “This was one of the most beautiful and complete knowledge portals in all the worlds. Knowledge that will now be lost for eternity.”

Okay, if he cried, I would cry because this was heartbreaking.

“There were ten doors, each leading to a different world in our system of worlds. Including my home world of Faerie.”

He repeated a bunch of other names, including Valdor, where vampires of all fucking things lived, and the Shadow Realm, which was where he said I’d been when everyone’s memories had been wiped.

“Was Simone here in the library?” I asked, because that was what made sense with everything else I’d learned.

Gaster nodded, sitting straighter. “She was! She was here when Master Shadow released his beast, and I have no idea what happened after that.”

My heart thumped loudly, and I pressed a hand to my chest to try to keep it together.

“She’s alive,” I decided, still refusing to accept any other possibility.

He nodded. “There’s every chance she made it out alive. Many escaped through the doors before they were ripped away. And she was with Lucien, the Master Vampire of Valdor. If he could have saved her, he would have.”

Tucking my trembling hands under my legs, I fought through the panic. I had no idea what I’d expected to find when I’d started out on this journey. As always, I’d taken it one step at a time, dealing with the information as it came to me, but seriously… Seriously!

This was so much more than any shifters should be expected to accept. “Is there any way to return my memories?” I asked, figuring that would fill in all the blank spots and hopefully remove the low level of panic flooding my veins.

“A very powerful being has cursed you,” Gaster said, leaning in to examine me closely. I prepared myself for the bad news. “And, while it won’t be easy to break through the multiple crisscrossing lines of their power, there might be a way. It’s just…” He trailed off ominously.

“What? I’ll do anything.”

Crisscrossing lines? That had to be the wall of sunlight and moon beams I’d seen in my head when I’d been fighting against the memory spell.

“To break this spell, you have to break as well,” he said, ripping the Band-Aid off in one swift yank. “The spell has had enough time to infiltrate into your true self, and to remove it…” No one needed him to finish that sentence.

It really didn’t matter to me. Whatever the consequences, I’d take them. “I can’t live like this anymore, Gaster,” I told him, having no doubts. “Missing all of my memories and life-changing experiences. It’s worth the risk.”

Gaster nodded, and I loved that he didn’t bother to argue with me.

I might not be strong enough, but at least he was giving me a chance.

Sometimes a chance was all anyone ever needed.

17

When Gaster left to find ingredients for his spell, I spent my time pacing, stressing, and filling Sam in on the information she’d missed.

“The Shadow Beast?” she whisper-screamed, before shutting her mouth with a snap. She shook her head. “It’s too insane to even think about. I don’t understand how you lived this life, and it was all taken from you.”

“Gaster was very light on the details when it came to that,” I said, thinking hard enough to hurt myself, “and I’m guessing it’s due to the fact that he wasn’t there for a lot of the big shit that happened. I bet he doesn’t want to give me any false information.”

“Hence why this memory reversal is important enough to risk death, right?”

She seemed unsure. I couldn’t blame her, but like our goblin friend, she didn’t try to talk me out of it. We were all adults capable of making our own decisions, and it was nice that I didn’t have to explain my reasoning to them. They got it. And I sensed that both of them would have made the same decision.

By the time Gaster returned, Sam and I had salvaged twenty books, the mostly undamaged tomes which appeared to be about one of the great fae wars, were stacked neatly nearby. “Oh, thank you,” Gaster cried, hurrying up, his arms full of parchment and jars. “It’s beyond devastating what we’ve lost here. Priceless knowledge from ten worlds and thousands of years.”

No lie, that almost made me throw up. Shadow Beast had a lot to answer for, even if he hadn’t been quite in his right mind when it had happened.

“Now, are you sure?” Gaster checked one last time as he started to spread out his items on the ground.

“I’m ready,” I said with conviction.

I really was because the alternative was walking away from this world without all of the answers I’d sought and returning to Torin and Torma. Hard freaking pass, people.

“I’m going to need you to lie in this circle,” Gaster said, and I realized that in mere seconds, he’d managed to trace out a very complex-looking circle of images and symbols in white chalk. “This is called a spell sphere,” he explained, “and it will protect you and us from whatever”—he cleared his throat—“might emerge in the destruction of this bind on your memories.”

Ominous, but not surprising. Gaster didn’t strike me as a being prone to hysterics, and there was no hiding the genuine worry in his voice as he spoke about this procedure. The spell sphere was an excellent choice.

Sam reached out and grabbed my hand as I moved past. “You’ve got this,” she whispered. “I know whatever is thrown your way, you’ll catch it and throw it back even harder.”