An idea, and a small loan from my brother because I refused to take money from Sacha, started The Merch Girl. It was an online website where I sold TCC, Ghost Orchid and eventually fifteen other bands’ merch, thanks to contacts from my two favorite men. I charged less than most other big companies did and made sure to stay on top of everything. The ultimate bonus was being my own boss, so I could visit Sacha on tour whenever I wanted as long as I could get someone to take over the business for however long was needed.

We'd agreed when he left for the first time after my move, that we wouldn't go more than a month without seeing each other. It was long enough so that our reunions were the hottest thing in the universe, and not so long that we both turned into those lovesick morons that made us roll our eyes.

Love, at least our version of love, was little things. Intangible things. It was laughs and our three turtles named Mercury, Frank and Bumblebee. It was playing soccer at the park by our apartment, going for runs and trying to trip each other during them, and it was our video chats when we were on different continents. It was compromises and separation from each other, and in my case, from my family, the baboons and Laila.

But I loved him and for us to be together, it was nothing.