My mouth started going without my brain thinking it through. “Well, you did. You know why? Because this was never just fucking. You can say whatever you want, but you knew it from day one, too. You don’t have dinner with a woman’s family, help her daughter with her hook shots, and nurse her when she’s sick when it’s just fucking. And at this point, I find it insulting that you would even pretend that’s all we had.”

Hunter ran his fingers through his hair and blew out a deep breath. “You’re right. We were always more. But that doesn’t change that I need things to end.”

It felt like someone had sliced right into my heart. I swallowed.

“Maybe not. But you know what it does change?”

“What?”

“You owe me an explanation.”

Hunter looked me directly in the eyes. “I’m sorry, Nat. I really am.”

I couldn’t stop the tears that started to fall. But I also wanted some shred of dignity. “Just go. Please.”

I felt him staring at me, but I wouldn’t look up. Eventually, he stood. He caressed my hair one more time before he leaned down and kissed my forehead. Then he left without another word.

I cried the most awful cry after the door clicked shut. The funny thing was, with everything I’d gone through with Garrett, I didn’t cry once. My marriage had imploded in an instant. After the initial shock of my husband being arrested and finding out he wasn’t the man I’d thought he was, I’d moved directly to anger—almost skipping the entire phase of loss where I should’ve been upset.

Yet even with all of the chaos Garrett had thrown my way, I’d never felt hope was gone. I’d felt disappointed, dejected, foolish, let down in a million ways, but I’d never doubted that I deserved something better that was out there just for me.

Today I finally realized why I’d felt that way—because there was someone better out there who was exactly right for me. The only problem was, that someone had just walked out my door, taking the last of my hope with him.

Chapter 32

Natalia

A week later, my health was back to normal, but my heart hadn’t even begun to mend. A part of me regretted how Hunter and I had said goodbye, or rather how I’d said goodbye. I’d acted immaturely, blaming him for something that really wasn’t his fault. He’d been up front with me from the start. Yet in the end, it was me who hung on to hope that he’d change his mind. It was foolish.

The thing was, I knew Hunter had feelings for me. I just didn’t know why he wouldn’t do anything about them or try to make us work. And because of that, I didn’t get real closure. It was more like I was moving on and leaving something important behind.

Yesterday, one of the dads I often spoke to during Izzy’s basketball games had asked me if the guy who’d come to the games recently was my boyfriend. It hurt so much to say no—to admit aloud that Hunter was gone from my life for good—that I hadn’t even realized why he’d asked me. When the next question came, asking if I had plans Friday night, I was completely oblivious to the fact that he was asking me out to dinner.

The poor guy had to explain what he’d meant, only to be rejected. But there was no way in hell I felt ready to jump back into the dating world yet.

So here I was, alone on Friday night, eating a pint of Cherry Garcia straight from the container while my sixteen year old got ready to go bowling with a boy. At least one of us had a life.

“Be home by ten,” I told her. “And Yakshit walks you up to the apartment door and waits for you to get in, or you’ll have two parents in prison when I’m done with him.”

“You’re not even scary. Now, if Hunter said that, Yak might…” Izzy smirked, “…shit his pants.”

I laughed, telling her to watch her language. She hugged me goodbye—something new she’d started doing the last few days. It made me wonder if she felt bad that I’d been dumped. Either way, I’d take whatever I could get from her, however I could get it.

Just as ice-cream-overload nausea began to set in, my cell phone rang. A picture of Anna and me, cheek to cheek on her wedding day, popped up. I set the carton down on the coffee table and propped up my feet.

“Thank God. I was on track to finish off an entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s without a distraction.”

“Mmm…. Chunky Monkey?”

“Nope.” I rubbed my bloated stomach. “Cherry Garcia.”

“Well, save some for after we hang up, because you’re going to need it.”

My heart started to pound in my chest. Anna and I had just talked a few days ago after I made my flight reservations for the christening. She’d mentioned that they hadn’t seen Hunter since he’d been back, but that he was coming over for dinner last night. Obviously whatever she was about to tell me was about him.

“What? If he brought a date, I don’t think I want to hear about it, Anna.”

“He came alone. He didn’t bring a date.”

I felt infinitesimally better. “Is he bringing one to the christening?”

“No. That’s not what this is about.”

I started to panic. “What’s going on?”

“Hunter got drunk last night. I mean, really drunk. And he started talking about his brother’s death and got really upset. Did you know his brother committed suicide? I didn’t until last night.”

Before the gravity of her words could sink in, I heard a wail in the background. “Shoot, Nat. Caroline just woke up. I’m sorry. I thought she’d be down for longer. Let me call you back in two minutes. I’ll grab her and settle her so we can talk.”

“Oh my God. You can’t leave me hanging for long. Hurry.”

“I will!”

***

I’d swapped my pint of ice cream for a glass of wine, downed the entire thing, and was filling glass two before my cell started to ring. “God, that was ten minutes, not two.”

“I’m sorry. She was fussy.”

“Can you talk now?”

“Yes. She just latched on, so I’m going to have to talk low while I breastfeed. But it’s either that or I call you back when she’s done.”

“Start talking.”

“I don’t even know where to start.”

“At the beginning. Tell me everything.”

“Okay, well…it was a strange evening right from the start. Normally he has a beer or two. But when Derek offered him a Stella, he said he’d rather have a Jack and Coke. To be honest, it looks like he’s been hitting the bottle lately. His hair’s always a little disheveled—you know, he has that naturally messy but owns it kinda look, but last night he looked like shit. He had dark circles under his eyes, hadn’t shaved in a while, and it seemed like he’d slept in his clothes. There was some sort of unspoken communication between Derek and Hunter when he said he needed a drink. Derek nodded as if he understood, as if the two of them had done this dance before.”

I’d wanted him to struggle after we parted ways, but hearing it didn’t give me the gratification I’d assumed it would. Instead, it felt like I’d been punched in the gut.

“I didn’t know his brother committed suicide,” I told her. “He said he was sick. But I don’t understand what brought it all to the surface now. He died years ago, right? Was it the anniversary of his death or something?”

“None of it makes sense. Let me keep going and maybe you’ll understand it better.”

“Okay…”

“So he throws back the first drink in, like, three minutes. I watched Derek make it. The thing was basically whiskey in a glass with a splash of Coke. Hunter didn’t even wince swallowing it down. After the second one, he grumbled that he’d gotten a promotion at work.”

“He grumbled about a promotion?”

“Yep. When I congratulated him and said that was great news, he told me life wasn’t about the news—it was about the first person you wanted to tell that news to.”

Ironic. Two days ago Izzy had been named game MVP, and my first instinct was to text Hunter to let him know. It was a small thing, and it took all of two seconds to remember I had no reason to text Hunter anymore, but my gut reaction had hit me funny, and the rest of my evening had been tarnished by that moment. I’d felt sad after that, instead of happy. I hadn’t allowed myself to analyze why it had affected me so much, but Hunter had nailed it—life is about the person you want to call first to tell good news.

I sighed into my cell. “He was sad he couldn’t call his brother?”

“No. He was referring to you, Nat.”

“I’m confused. I thought you said he was sad about his brother.”

“I did. That’s the confusing part. One minute he’d be saying he missed you, and the next he’d be talking about his brother. It was like you two were connected in his mind.”

I’d gotten stuck a few words back. “He said he missed me?”

“He said he didn’t give a shit about the promotion when he didn’t have you to share it with.”

My heart thumped against my ribcage. “I don’t understand. I never understood. If he wants to share things with me, then why say goodbye?”

“I asked him that very question.”

“And what did he say?”

“He said it was for your own good.”

“What does that mean?”

“I couldn’t get him to talk about it more. He just kept refilling his glass and talking about random stuff the rest of the night.”