My breath catches in my chest. What did she say?

My blood runs ice-cold as I click out of Kakao and search “Rachel Kim.” Immediately, my screen is flooded with the latest headline: JASON LEE, CAUGHT BETWEEN TWO LOVERS.

My entire body goes rigid.

What is this?

The article is full of photos of me and Jason from our self-care day in Tokyo. Walking through Harajuku; eating at the Monster Café; me rubbing Leah’s back in our Mario go-kart, Then, right next to our photos, is a similar series of Jason and Mina. Eating at a candlelit restaurant with their heads bent down, laughing; going for a sunset walk at the Han River, their faces sun kissed by the golden-hour glow; sharing an ice cream with one bowl and two spoons between them.

My hands go cold and clammy. I don’t understand.

As if on autopilot, I scroll through the article, skimming as fast as I can. I pick up phrases like “an impossible choice” and “torn between two girls.” A wave of bile starts to churn in my stomach, inching its way up my throat. I think I might be sick.

Has Jason been dating Mina this whole time?

All around me, I hear people start to whisper, glancing down at their phones and then at me.

“Hey, isn’t that Rachel Kim?”

“It is. It is. Did you read this line about her? ‘Rachel Kim is especially notorious for playing mildang with Jason Lee’s heart, pushing and pulling and giving mixed signals to keep him on his toes. One second she’s all over him, and the next she’s giving him the cold shoulder.’ ”

“Wow. Can you believe her? Jason deserves better.”

The back of my neck prickles, and I can feel their phone cameras turning toward me. I quickly cover my face with my hands and hunch down in my seat. When the subway stops, I leap up, running past the crowds of people waiting to board and booking it all the way to headquarters. It’s no better inside, though, as young trainees gathered in the lobby whisper and point as I walk past them.

“Did you see who it is?”

“I heard she’s pregnant with Minjun’s love child and that’s why Jason left her.”

“I heard she and Mina tried to strangle each other with the straps on their heels during tour.”

Well, at least the DB rumor mill isn’t hurting for content.

Out of habit more than anything else, I turn down the hallway toward the independent practice rooms, when I hear a familiar song.

Jason’s song. The one he played for me in the music room at school.

I burst into the practice room and see Jason sitting on a chair with his guitar strapped over his shoulder. Minjun is there too, choreographing some cheesy interpretive dance moves to Jason’s song. They both look up and see me at the same time, a huge smile spreading across Jason’s face.

“Ah, the lovebird, responding to the song of her mate,” Minjun says, pressing a hand over his heart. “Beautiful, just beautiful.”

“What are you doing here?” Jason asks brightly, holding out his arms as if expecting me to greet him with a hug. “I missed you.”

He missed me?

A million thoughts rush into my head, tangling themselves into a gigantic knot inside my heart. Everything feels like it’s happening all at once, and my brain can’t reconcile my Jason, sitting here with his guitar casually strung around his back, saying he missed me, with the Jason I saw in the tabloid pictures, the one who was laughing and eating ice cream with Mina. I feel nervous and hurt and like a paper pinwheel toy could do a better job of pushing air through my body than my lungs could at this moment—but most of all, I feel angry.

I open my mouth, about to let him have it, but nothing comes out. Now that we’re face-to-face, there are no words. I’m totally frozen. Shock has finally gotten the best of me.

Minjun glances between us, sensing the shift in mood. “I’ll give you two a minute.” He walks out of the room, closing the door with a soft click behind him.

Jason frowns. “Rachel, is everything okay?”

It dawns on me then. He doesn’t know what I know yet. He hasn’t seen the article. No phones allowed during training.

Wordlessly, I hold my phone up, pictures of him and Mina splashed across the screen.

Jason takes it from my hands. As he reads, his face goes from confused to horrified, his eyes widening as understanding sinks in. He swallows hard.

“It’s not what it looks like. Please, Rachel, let me explain,” he says slowly, carefully.

Yes, please explain, I want to say. Tell me something that will pull me out of the spiral I’ve been falling down since I got off the subway. Tell me something, anything, that will keep my heart from breaking, because right now it’s barely holding together by a thread. Let this be a mistake or, better yet, a dream to wake up from and forget the next day.

Just please tell me something that will make this go away.

But I don’t say any of that. Instead I flick my eyes down toward the floor. “Go on, then.” My voice comes out hoarse. “Explain.”

He takes a deep breath, wiping his hands against his pants. Usually when he says something important, he looks me right in the eye, but today it’s like he’s trying to look anywhere but at me. “About six months ago, I showed DB my original song, the one I played for you. I wanted to go solo, and I wanted that song to be my debut song as a solo artist.”

The words rush out before I can stop myself. “But what about NEXT BOYZ? And Minjun?”

Jason sighs. “Minjun understood. As for the rest of the group… what can I say? I told you about my mom, how much K-pop music meant to her. How much it means to me. I wanted my music to mean something again.”

I nod slowly. “I understand that part. What I don’t understand is what this has to do with me and Mina.”

Jason swallows hard. “Well. The execs said yes. But there was a catch. They wanted to see if I could really succeed as a solo artist.” His eyes flit to mine. “They wanted me to record a new single with a trainee.”

“Our song,” I say, understanding slowly creeping in.

“Right. It was decided that I would do a test duet with Mina, but after the video of us singing together went viral, I…” He pauses here, looking down at his shoes. “I thought singing with both of you would create more buzz.”

My heart pinches at his words. “It was your idea?” I flash back to Mr. Han fighting for me in the boardroom, when it seemed like all hope was lost.

Jason gives a small nod, like he can’t bear the thought of what he’s done. “I talked to Mr. Han after we sang together.”

“Right. More arm candy for the great Jason Lee.”

“Rachel, no!” Jason looks at me, his brows knit together. “It wasn’t like that. I loved singing with you. It was like…”

“We were meant to sing together?” I finish flatly.

“Yeah, exactly. Like it was meant to be.”

“And the rest of it?” I ask, gesturing to my phone, which is still in Jason’s hands.

“DB was demanding I do whatever I could to generate buzz for the song,” he says, speaking quickly now. “You know how DB is all about publicity. They staged dates for me with both you and Mina and had the paparazzi follow us. But, Rachel, please understand.” He grabs my hands, locking eyes with mine. “Everything with Mina was totally posed, just like it was supposed to be. But it was different with you. That day in Tokyo, on the plane, I meant what I said. And I’ve meant it ever since. I love being around you. I love y—”