Tears finally start to roll down my cheeks. I feel like all I’ve been doing is crying lately, but these are the good kind of tears, the kind that make you feel like you’re a little more whole than you were before.

“Thank you, Umma.” I squeeze her hand tight. “Does this mean you’re not worried for me anymore?”

“I’m terrified.” She laughs. “I don’t know if that will ever go away. It’s part of being your umma. But you deserve to take your chance, Rachel. You’ve earned it. Don’t let anyone take that from you.”

I nod and pull her in for a hug.

Before I can pull away, the door slams open. “Are you two done crying yet? I’ve been waiting and waiting to come in!” Leah shouts as she scrambles onto my bed and squishes herself in between me and Umma.

I laugh and wipe away more tears. “Yes, we’re done, I promise.” I grab Leah into a bear hug and smile at Umma over the top of her head. I feel a lightness in my heart that I haven’t felt in a long time, but it’s not quite complete yet. There’s one more person who I need to check in with. I put my hands on Leah’s shoulders and turn toward her. “Do you hate me? Do you hate this? You never asked to come here, and now here you are and…”

Leah scoffs easily and swats my hand away. “Unni. I’m fine.”

“Seriously, Leah. I know life here hasn’t been… the easiest,” I say, thinking back to Leah’s middle-school mean girls.

I can feel my eyes filling with tears again, but Leah gives me a small shove. “No more crying! You promised!”

I choke back a sob and laugh. “I’m not crying!”

“You know, Rachel, for a big sister, you sure are clueless sometimes,” Leah says with a smirk. “You think I care about what those girls at school do? You’re my sister. Your dreams are my dreams. And that’s more important that anything.” She tilts her head toward Umma and flashes her a quick, devilish grin. “Plus, DB auditions are coming up soon… and now that I’m thirteen, I think it’s about time that I start K-pop training. That way Rachel won’t have to be the only K-pop star in the family!”

My mouth drops open, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Umma’s face go a little pale. Umma’s phone rings, and she reaches for it, not taking her eyes off Leah, who seems to have gone into her usual, oblivious, K-pop gossip spiral as she scrolls through her Instagram feed. Umma pokes me in the side. “It’s Yujin. She says she’s been trying to reach you.”

I realize I haven’t checked my phone since I turned it off yesterday. As soon as I turn it on, several missed calls from Yujin and a string of urgent Kakao messages pops up on the screen.

Come to DB headquarters ASAP! I need to see you!

Twenty-Six

Yujin is waiting for me in the lobby when I arrive at DB headquarters. As soon as she sees me, she rushes over and pulls me into a tight hug.

“Rachel! I heard about everything that happened.”

“Everything?” My heart nearly jumps into my throat. Does everything include my relationship with Jason? Oh god, I hope not.

She steps back, anger flaring in her eyes. “I heard that Jason is going solo and how DB used you and Mina to promote him.” Sharp as ever, she raises her eyebrows and gives me a searching look. “Why? Is there something else I should know?”

I shake my head, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. “Nope, not at all.”

She gives me a suspicious look, but her face softens anyway. “Listen, Rachel, I honestly had no idea DB was plotting any of this. If I knew, I would have done everything I could to stop them.” Her lips press into a hard line like she’s trying to keep herself together. “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more to protect you.”

My heart twists at the thought that Yujin might feel responsible for any of this. I never once thought that she might be involved, and if there’s anyone who should be apologizing, it definitely isn’t her. “Please don’t be sorry,” I say. “You’ve done nothing but support me since day one. And all things considered, I’m doing okay.”

It’s only half a lie.

“Really?” Yujin gives me another searching look. “Are you sure there isn’t something else you want to tell me?”

She knows me too well. For a second I think how nice it would be to tell her everything about me and Jason. It would feel so good to get everything off my chest.

No more secrets. No more lies. But then I imagine the disappointed look on her face and put on my best smile.

“Really. Don’t worry.”

She sighs. “No use telling me that. There’s always something to worry about.”

Across the hall, two second-year trainees come out of the cafeteria, chattering a mile a minute.

“Did you hear about Akari?”

“Yes, I can’t believe it! Of all the girls at DB, I never thought…”

I strain to hear the rest of what they’re saying, but their voices fade as they continue down the hall.

I look over at Yujin. “Did you hear that? What’s going on with Akari?”

“You mean you haven’t heard?” Yujin says, her eyebrows shooting up in surprise. When I stare at her blankly, she bites her lip, an apologetic look on her face, as if she’s sorry for the news she’s about to give me. “Akari’s been traded to another K-pop label. She’s no longer with DB.”

My stomach sinks. “What?”

No. That can’t be true. If it were true, I would have known about it. Wouldn’t I?

Even as I think it, I know I’m wrong. I’ve been so absent in Akari’s life lately that how could I know about it? My mouth goes dry as I remember that she messaged me yesterday, right as everything was blowing up. I just totally blew her off.

Again.

I grab my phone and text her now, but the message comes straight back as undelivered. I call her and even try to FaceTime her, but everything bounces back, telling me that her phone’s been disconnected.

She’s gone.

“Come on,” Yujin says gently, taking my elbow and guiding me down the hallway. “It’s newbie day today. I know you may not be up for it, but it’ll be a good distraction. Let’s go.”

I follow her woodenly to the auditorium, my mind a blank. Yujin nudges me toward the stage, where all the other trainees are standing to receive bows from the newbies. Everyone, that is, except Akari. My stomach drops even lower.

She should be here. I can’t believe she’s really gone.

Onstage, Eunji gives me a scathing once-over. “Look who decided to show up.” She blows a watermelon-scented bubble with her gum, letting it pop over her lips.

“We thought you’d probably died of embarrassment by now,” Lizzie says, narrowing her eyes at me as I move toward the head of the line.

“Come on, Princess.” Mina smiles at me with all her teeth, blocking my way. If she’s reeling from the recent article scandal, she doesn’t show it. She looks as poised as ever. “You’d think you’d know your place by now.”

Mina’s final comment makes me snap back into focus. She’s right.

I do know my place.