“And this,” I whispered, tears suddenly filling my eyes, “is when it gets bad. People judge and sometimes I feel it with looks and sometimes they say stuff to me. Not like what you just said, but why you said it. You don’t like me, and you don’t even know me. You made up your mind before you even met me. And for some reason, some reason I don’t get, you feel well within your rights to lay it out for me even though I didn’t do that first thing to harm you.”

“Clara, honey,” Lorie said beside me, her hand coming back to my leg to give it another squeeze.

But I shook my head and didn’t take my focus from Minnie.

“And you know, the thing that gets me, it always gets me, is that I care. Even about what you think, regardless that you haven’t been nice to me even for a second. I care that you think I am what you think I am even though I’m not. That matters to me.” I sucked in breath and finished, “And it hurts.”

That’s when I looked down at the table, grabbed my Diet Coke and put the straw to my lips, avoiding everyone’s eyes, sucking back soda and trying to fight back the tears stinging the backs of my eyes.

“There you go,” Minnie said, and my gaze hesitantly went to her face.

“Sorry?”

“People say shit to you, you call ’em on it. There you go,” she replied, and I noticed her face, nor her voice was hard anymore.

“Sorry?” I repeated.

“Babe, I was bein’ a bitch.” Minnie sat back. “You’re right. And you were right to call me on it. They look at you, you feel like givin’ ’em ’tude, give it to them. Say, ‘What the fuck’s up your ass?’ Bet you say that, they won’t be starin’ at you no more and they’ll think twice before they do it to anyone else. They say somethin’ to you, you don’t feel like turnin’ the other cheek, you give it right back to them. Say, ‘And this is your business because…? Fuck off, asshole.’ Fuck ’em. What do you care? You ain’t ever gonna see them again.”

“That’s good advice,” Pinky whispered.

“I’m not sure I can do that,” I told Minnie, and she shrugged.

“Then don’t,” she returned. “But don’t let it get under your skin. Like I said, fuck ’em. They don’t mean shit to you. You walk away and you’ll never see ’em again. You let them control your life, invade your headspace, that ain’t right. It’s so not right it’s whacked.”

At that point, Lorie started talking, and I turned my head to her.

“Your old man, hon, let’s just say, he’s a dick. He fucked you over, big time. But you are doin’ this to you now. He’s gone and been gone awhile. But you’re still lettin’ him fuck you. Stop doin’ that.”

“That’s good advice too,” Pinky added her endorsement.

I hadn’t thought of it like that.

I hadn’t thought of any of this like that.

I looked at Minnie and explained, “I’m not taking advantage of Buck. He offered to help. I tried to leave town, then I got beat up so that became difficult. I didn’t even want to take his help, but he convinced me.”

“Sucks, babe,” Lorie muttered her understatement.

“I bet Buck can be pretty convincing,” Pinky muttered hers.

I kept talking to Minnie.

“And I don’t look down my nose at you. I’m not sure I could pull off that halter top, but I admire the fact that you can. You’ve got a lovely body and I think it’s cool you have no problems showing it off. I’m not cool. I’m a librarian. I’ve always wanted to be cool, maybe not by wearing halter tops, but I don’t know, in some way. I just don’t have it in me. I think I was born an awkward, geeky, brainy librarian. I could probably wear a halter top and still look like an awkward, geeky, brainy librarian.”

“Babe, you aren’t gonna know if that’s true shoppin’ in Fashion Square,” Minnie replied. “Ain’t no cool clothes here. Except maybe at Lucky.”

It was then the day took a drastic turn and this turn was perpetrated by Lorie.

And she did this by leaning in excitedly and suggesting, “Let’s eat and really take Clary shopping.”

“Oh yeah,” Pinky agreed, leaning in too, her eyes bright.

I felt a thrill race up my spine and I wasn’t sure it was a good one.

“Oh fuck,” Driver muttered, and I turned to him.

This was not one of his favorite chores and I had the distinct feeling it was going to get worse for him and for me.

“We’ll kit you out, Clary,” Lorie said, grabbing my hand and giving it a squeeze. “You’ll be cool like that,” she continued, letting me go and snapping her fingers, nearly bouncing in the booth with excitement.

Oh dear.

“I’m not cool,” I told her. “I tried. Trust me. The results were disastrous.”

And this was true.

My junior year in high school, I tried to be cool and the results were disastrous. In fact, it was a lucky thing social media was not big then or those results would probably still be available to the population at large, it was so disastrous.

Lorie just smiled big and announced to the table, “We are so totally Professor Higgins to Clary’s Eliza Whatever.”

“This is gonna be the bomb.” Pinky was smiling big too.

Oh.

Dear.

“Um…I’m not sure—” I started.

“Babe, get sure,” Minnie ordered. “You don’t have to be what you are. You can be anything you fuckin’ wanna be.”

Hmm.

This was a point to ponder.

But, perhaps, later.

A lot later.

“I might look ridiculous,” I whispered.

“You’ll only look ridiculous if you feel ridiculous,” Minnie stated. “You feel hot, you’ll be hot, and trust me, babe, we’ll make you hot.”

Oh God.

“I’ve never been hot,” I told her.

Minnie stared at me.

Pinky stared at me.

And I felt Lorie and Driver staring at me.

Then Lorie burst out laughing, Pinky joined in, and even Minnie smiled.

Through it, Minnie declared, “I’m all over this Professor Higgins shit.”

Oh no.

“Me too,” Pinky threw in.

“Totally,” Lorie added.

“Fuckin’ A,” Driver muttered.

Oh dear.

10

As Good as I Could Get

My new posse and I barreled into Ace in the Hole Home Improvement laden with bags.

Not all of them were mine, but the vast majority where.

I had enough biker babe apparel to kit out the old ladies of three MCs.

I also had a new cell phone. We bought this after Yard House and before my biker babe mentors took me on a tour of Phoenix’s biker babe shops.

Not surprisingly, the cell phone people weren’t big fans of contracting with me due to my seriously sketchy credit history.

That was, they weren’t big fans of it until Minnie got in their faces.

There was the possibility that they broke every rule in their policy book by allowing me to sign the contract, but they did it in order to shut Minnie up.