It was then I realized he was very dictatorial. He issued a lot of orders and told me what to do often.

Then again, he was also usually right and now was no different.

I didn’t need to mess up Lorie, Pinky, or Minnie’s Saturday nights with this (possibly) dire news.

And anyway, he was right about something else.

I had enough to worry about. I didn’t need to worry about stuff that might not happen.

I sighed again, did what I was told and sipped my margarita.

Then something occurred to me.

I turned my head to see he was surveying the landscape and asked, “When did you do this recon?”

“The other night.”

“What other night?” I pushed.

“Don’t know,” he replied. “Thursday, maybe.”

Thursday?

He’d waited since Thursday to bring this up?

“Is that why you asked me if I wanted children yesterday?”

“Yep,” he told the view.

My heart started beating fast again. “So you were attempting to ascertain if I’d want to keep a child we may have created?”

He turned his head to me. “Babe, do you listen to me?”

“Why would you ask if I wanted children if you weren’t trying to find out if I wanted children?”

My voice was rising.

“You need to let it go,” he ordered.

“You need to answer my question,” I fired back.

His fingers massaging my neck stopped massaging and just squeezed.

“Then, yeah, Toots, I wanted to know if you wanted kids because I wanted to know, if I knocked you up, which way you’d lean. And, even though you look about ready to have a coronary, I’ll tell you where I stand on that. You got my kid inside you, it wouldn’t make me happy if you wanted to get rid him. You and me, we’d make a gorgeous kid.”

That’s when I actually started hyperventilating.

Buck either didn’t notice or didn’t care because he kept talking.

“And, gotta say, Toots, last night, the way you took care of Tatie, means today I would be even less happy if you got rid of my kid. You’re gonna make a great mom.”

Gonna?

I didn’t speak because I was experiencing the odd sensation of choking on nothing.

It didn’t seem like Buck could shut up, and I liked listening to him. He had a beautiful voice. And most of the time he used it to say good things.

But right now, I needed him to shut up.

“Also gotta say, seein’ you take care of Tat, how you are with Gear, how he is with you, and my son is friendly, but he’s not stupid. He goes cautious, especially when shit is important. But he blatantly likes you. After the shit went down with Kristy and the shit she’s pullin’ now with the kids, wouldn’t suck havin’ a kid and raisin’ him…with you.”

When shit is important.

Wouldn’t suck, havin’ a kid and raisin’ him…with you.

Right.

I needed lots and lots of oxygen because I was going to pass out.

Buck watched me breathe.

Then he asked, “Do you need CPR?”

“No,” I panted.

He grinned.

Then his hand went away from my neck but only so his arm could go around my shoulders and pull me close, tucking me under his arm. His eyes went back to the scenery and he sipped his beer.

Okay, it couldn’t be avoided.

I had to get into it.

So I deliberated quickly about how to get into it, and then I got into it.

“Considering your two children are right now in the house behind us, I know you weren’t a virgin before you and I…” I paused to find the right words, “enjoyed each other.”

Buck looked from the view to me, and his lips were tipped up as he said, “Correct.”

Right.

I was out of words.

Therefore, to get to the point, I asked leadingly, “Sooooo…?”

Even if we were not far apart, he still managed to lean toward me.

“You and me, baby, unexpected. Out of hand. Off the charts. I don’t fuck around with that shit. Ever. Even with you, if I’d thought you’d been getting around, that would have dawned on me and I would have worked in a glove. But you told me you’d sworn off men. So in that department, you got nothin’ to worry about. I take pains to keep clean.”

Well then.

If that was the case (and I had no reason not to believe him), then if we were non-exclusive, our little snafu might not have even more calamitous ramifications.

It was thin, but at least it was one good thing to hold on to.

I nodded to him.

Buck touched my nose with his lips and returned his attention to the view.

I followed his gaze and stared at the landscape thinking I’d managed to survive foster care, Rogan and Esposito, but I was still making all the wrong moves.

Alternatively, maybe they were the right ones.

I mean, Tatiana’s (somewhat understandable) attitude aside, it was without a doubt West Hardy made beautiful children.

Then I sipped my margarita and prayed, for the very first time, I got my period…and soon.

Another boy, a little one, with Buck’s thick hair and his beautiful eyes hit my mind’s eye and an entirely unhinged thought about the return of my monthly friend entered my head.

Because maybe I should pray for…

Not.

“We can watch somethin’ else,” I heard Gear say quietly.

“I wanna watch this,” I heard Tatiana put in, not as quietly.

“Clara isn’t into it, Tat, it’s put her to sleep,” Gear returned, again quietly.

Earlier, Buck and I had come in and both the kids were in armchairs watching television.

I put my empty margarita glass in the dishwasher (possible Hardy Tot inside me had had enough tequila for one night), Buck got another beer and we headed to the couch.

I tucked myself on the opposite side of him and stayed tucked there for point-two-five seconds after Buck sat in his normal place.

Then his arm shot out.

Fingers wrapping around my wrist, he yanked me to him and settled me in my usual position with my cheek to his thigh. About point-one-five seconds later, I felt his fingers in my hair.

I avoided both Gear’s and Tatiana’s eyes and glued mine to the TV.

A little over an hour later (I knew it was an hour because I’d managed to watch an entire program), I fell asleep.

Now, my eyes were closed, my fingers curled around Buck’s thigh, I was still mostly sleeping, but their conversation had penetrated my doze.

“She does this,” I heard Buck rumble behind me.

“What?” Gear asked.

“Every night, she crashes in front of the TV. Watch what you wanna watch. Toots don’t give a shit. Television is a tranquilizer. She’s good,” Buck answered.

“All right, cool,” Gear muttered.

After that I heard nothing but the TV.

And after that, I slipped from my semi-conscious doze back into sleep.

I woke up again when Buck lifted me from the couch.

I slid my arms around his shoulders and dazedly looked around.

Moonlight was glowing through the windows, there were no lights on, and both Gear and Tatiana were gone.

I pressed my forehead into West’s neck.